Adventureland Page #6

It's also tragic.

My feelings for Em are vast.

James, imagine it. Lisa P.

I know. Lisa P. I know.

-Hey.

-Hey.

I brought you this.

It's one of my favorite authors.

Gogol. Russian.

He lost his mind,

burned the only copy of his final book,

died a week later of self-starvation.

Well...

-Thank you.

-Yeah.

Hey, do you maybe want to go see

a shitty movie or something sometime?

Yeah, I just... You know,

I did something kind of stupid.

I... I told my brother that

we made out.

-That's bad?

-No, no, no.

But he... He told my parents.

We're Catholic.

Pete told my parents that you're Jewish.

But I'm an atheist.

I mean, more of a pragmatic nihilist,

I guess,

-or an existential pagan, if you will...

-Yeah, yeah.

But my parents are really strict.

I'm sorry.

-It's still a good book.

-Nah, I'm sorry.

-Hey, Joel.

-Hey.

How'd it go with Sue?

Not so good.

Hey, Em, come on. Don't say anything!

Come on, worse things have happened

to the Jews.

F*** that!

You know,

you don't deserve to date Joel!

I mean, you're an anti-Semitic a**hole!

What do you, like,

hate gay people, too?

Do you support apartheid?

You are not my friend.

Bam! Child's play.

Look, you can't tell anybody,

but I'm going out with Lisa P. tonight.

-You're what?

-Yeah.

This morning she asked me

if I wanted to hang out sometime.

What happened?

I thought you were crazy about Em.

I am. I am.

But, you know,

I don't know if she necessarily,

like, wants something, you know,

kind of serious.

And, Joel, we're men. You know,

we're, like, wired to meet our needs.

I get it, it's a biological imperative.

Frigo, you can't tell anybody,

but I have a date tonight with Lisa P.

What? You know,

I should give you a double-sack-whack

-for telling a lie like that.

-Okay, don't believe me.

-Where are you going?

-The Velvet Touch.

Thanks.

How's the wine?

-It's good!

-Yeah.

I just need to tell you something.

Yeah, is it cool if we don't tell

a lot of people about tonight?

'Cause I think there's someone

at the park

who may have a little thing for me,

and I don't want her to feel bad.

-You mean Em?

-Yeah.

So you like working at the park?

Yeah, I think it could be

character building.

And, you know,

I've made a lot of friends.

Yeah, you and Connell

seem pretty tight.

Yeah, I like him. I think he's interesting.

I think he's kind of

like a, you know, poetic soul.

-That guy's got some problems.

-What do you mean?

Last summer, he was having this thing

with this girl from the snack bar.

He used to take her to his mother's

basement to have sex with her.

His mother's basement.

How gross is that?

But he's married, right?

-Didn't stop him from hitting on me.

-Wow.

-Is that Frigo?

-Yeah, it is Frigo.

I wonder what he's doing here.

I should say hi. I've known him since...

Excuse me.

-You son of a b*tch, that's Lisa P.!.

-What the f*** are you doing here?

I'm sorry. Look, I'm sorry, I thought

you were full of sh*t, but holy sh*t!

There she is! Think you can get me

naked pictures of her?

Frigo, get the f*** out of here,

and you can't tell anybody

about this, okay?

All right, all right, relax, Brennan.

-What's it worth to you?

-You're shaking me down?

No... Yeah, yeah.

I hate you with such great fervor. I...

Thanks, Brennan.

Sorry about that. What a coincidence.

Frigo was out to rent a video,

saw us through the window, and...

-Wow.

-Yeah.

And here we are.

I wonder how the fondue is tonight.

I want to visit every continent,

every country, really.

Charles Dickens actually wrote

these really interesting travel pieces,

but he visited prisons...

Would you rather have a sailboat

or a speedboat?

-Gee, I guess...

-I think sailboats are, like,

way more cooler, you know,

like more classic.

Though I bet speedboats would be

a lot more fun.

What were you saying?

Just babbling.

Oh.

I just need to get normal

before I go inside.

Put on some perfume

to cover the smell.

I was going to suggest more perfume.

-Shoot, my brush.

-Yeah. Hold on.

-Jesus, what the hell is this?

-Is that yours?

-No. I guess it's my dad's.

-Here, pull over here.

Can you smell the pot?

You smell amazing.

Thanks for tonight. It was fun.

Yeah. Yeah, it was.

Fondue.

-Oh, God.

-Tiger.

Sorry.

-Another time.

-Yeah.

-Good night.

-Good night.

-Hey.

-Hey.

Hey. I missed your call last night.

Sorry about that.

I was out

with some old high-school buddies.

-Sounds fun.

-Yeah, it was.

We got caught up reminiscing.

I was out pretty late.

But what were you calling about?

Calling to say sorry. I felt like I was

kind of a jerk the other night.

Okay. Sorry. Yeah, me, too.

I was drunk.

And I brought you something.

-This bag?

-Mmm-hmm. What's inside the bag?

-Is that a couple of joints?

-I think so. For pot cookies.

-Oh, my. You follow through.

-I do.

Cool. This'll be fun.

-Let's do it.

-Okay. I'm only having half, okay?

Walnuts? You want to see me go

into anaphylactic shock? F***.

-Home-made? Yummy.

-Brennan, you gonna eat the other half?

Sorry.

Spinning on that dizzy edge

I kissed her face

and kissed her head

And dreamed of

all the different ways

I had to make her glow

"Why are you so far away?" she said

"Why won't you ever know

that I'm in love with you

"That I'm in love with you"

You

Soft and only

You

Lost and lonely

You

Strange as angels

Dancing in the deepest oceans

Twisting in the water

And what a race we have here today,

ladies and gentlemen. Boy!

And nobody is in the lead.

Nobody is in the lead.

In fact, what is so mind-blowing

about this particular race

is how evenly-matched

these particular competitors are.

And Yellow is dead last.

I don't think Yellow's moved once.

This is a fall from grace

for the once-great stallion, Yellow.

You know, Yellow has inseminated

over 1, 000 foals in his lifetime,

which might explain

his current exhaustion.

And you won, Number 9,

here you go... Here you go, great job.

Hey, Bobby.

Brennan, what are you doing?

-You been toking up?

-What?

-You been drinking drugs?

-No!

Your eyes are red.

Have you been crying?

Yeah, maybe, like, a little bit before.

But no, Bobby,

I'm feeling sick because I think I ate

a bad corn dog before, Bobby.

That's why.

You know, why don't you go over

to Hats Off T o Larry

-and collect some balls?

-Okay.

And I'll tell you what, I'll take over this.

Hey, you all right?

-Yeah, thank you.

-All right.

This is how we met.

And they're off! In the lead is Green 5.

Green is in the lead.

Green 5, Green 5 in the lead.

And there you are, Green 5!

Green! You really got it going on!

You know exactly what you're doing.

Green! You got it, Green! You won!

Pass that down to her.

Loser, pass that down. Thank you.

-Can I get some balls?

-You're gonna have to get more balls.

The customer's always right.

Here you go.

-I hit that thing dead-on!

-Yet he still retains his chapeau.

Whoa, whoa. Come on.

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