Adventures of a Taxi Driver Page #3

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put down at birth.

What?

- Peter!

- What?

I want to know what all that...

Oh, never mind. Forget it.

And where do you think

you're going, Sunny Jim?

I've got a nice little job for you first.

- Dump it.

- Oh, Ma, where?

That is your problem, not mine.

And mind you bring that bucket back.

- Where do you think you're going

with that? - I told you, I'm leaving.

Oh, I see. Just walking out

and leaving me to cope.

A fine son you turned out to be.

Just like your father, whoever he was.

What am I supposed to tell Carol

when she comes?

Well, you can tell her to...

- Hello, love.

- Hello, love.

Carol, my steady. Bit of a drag.

Got wedding bells in her ears.

- What you doing with that, then?

- He's clearing off.

Walking out on his responsibilities,

that's what he's doing.

Oh, no! No, I'm sure Joe wouldn't do

a thing like that without telling me,

- would you, Joe?

- Yes, I would.

I've had enough. I'm clearing out.

I've had enough.

Oh! Well, I expect I'll

see you later, then?

Joe! Joe!

Joe North! You come here. Come here.

Do I comprehend the situation correctly?

- Are you leaving home?

- Dead right.

Without a word to me

or even a by-your-leave?

It's got nothing to do with you.

What do you mean

it's got nothing to do with me?

I happen to be your fiance and

fiances have a right to know these things.

- So where are you going?

- I don't know.

- What do you mean, you don't know?

- I just told you, I don't know.

You can't just leave home

and not know where you're going.

As soon as I find somewhere,

I'll get in touch, all right?

When's that, then?

How should I know? Tonight, tomorrow,

as soon as I'm settled in.

Does that mean

you're not going to take me out tonight?

How can I? I don't know where I'll be.

- Gone with the wind.

- What?

That's what you were supposed

to take me to, Gone with the Wind.

Oh, come on now.

You must have seen it 10 times.

Eleven.

With that and Lady and the Tramp

every year at Christmas,

it's enough to drive anyone up the wall.

You don't have to come.

I mean, nobody's forcing you to.

I mean, you don't have to care

if I'm on my own,

probably being molested in the back row.

Oh, come on. Who's going to molest you?

Lots of people, if I let them.

Anyway, you always do.

I've got to find something to do, haven't

I? Gone with the Wind is a long film.

Well, if you won't take me to the pictures,

why can't I come with you

and help you find somewhere to stay?

Carol, I'll be all right.

Supposing you're moving in

with another woman?

Oh, leave off, Carol.

Well, how am I supposed to know?

Look, I'll ring you, all right?

You see, if you would have told me

you were leaving home,

I could have done the same

and then we could have moved in together

and got married before

I originally planned.

Yeah. Well, I'll ring you.

You see, if you wouldn't mind

hanging about for a bit,

I could bolt home

and start packing straight away.

No. Look...

Twenty minutes, 15 at the outside

if you took me by cab.

Carol, I haven't got time for all this.

What is the matter?

Do you not want to live with me any more?

Course I do. It's nothing to do with that.

You wouldn't think so,

the way you go on about it.

You'll have to get used to it

once we're married.

Look, what's up with you?

- Don't you trust me or something?

- Quite frankly, no.

Charming.

It's just that I don't like

to think of you being unfaithful.

Especially, as I spent all my savings

last week buying my engagement ring.

- Have I ever been unfaithful to you?

- No.

Have you ever caught me

with another woman?

No.

Have you ever caught me,

when I've been out with you,

even looking at another woman?

- No.

- There you are then.

You've got nothing to worry about,

have you?

That is besides the point.

Remember, a penny saved

is a penny not spent.

What are you going on about?

Do not put all your balls in one basket.

That is what I am trying to say.

You see, if I caught you reclining

in the embrace of another woman,

do you know what I would do?

I would chop it off!

Look, you can trust me.

As soon as I find somewhere

I'll ring you, all right?

But I thought I was coming with you.

- What?

- Well, that's what we agreed.

- Yeah. Well, look, you go home...

- Yeah.

- And pack your things.

- Yeah.

- And then as soon as I find somewhere...

- Yeah.

- I'll see you later.

- Right.

I hadn't finished yet.

Tom? Tom? You about?

With you in a minute.

- Joe, how are things?

- Oh, not so bad.

Mind if I carry on?

- Busy, I see.

- Oh, not bad.

Still got your picture gallery, then.

You dirty old bastard.

Make good dart boards.

You should see how my aim's improved.

Here, pass that grease gun, will you?

Ta.

- How's the cab business, then?

- Oh, mustn't grumble.

Thing is, I did want

to ask you a favour, mate.

- Oh, yeah?

- Yeah.

You know that flat you've got upstairs?

Yeah? What about it?

- Well, it's got two bedrooms, right?

- Just about. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, I've got this problem, see. Like,

I've got to find somewhere to live and,

well, seeing as how we're mates...

I mean, I'd help towards the rent and that.

Listen, Joe, anytime, you know that.

Unfortunately, it's not that simple.

If you'd asked me a couple of weeks ago,

no problem.

But the trouble is I've got a lady

living with me at the moment.

Don't tell me you need two beds.

You must be slipping.

No, no, no, it's not that.

Look, Joe, I'll be straight with you.

You know women.

You never know how they'll react.

I mean, well, Nikki's a nice lady, but...

- Well, she does work odd hours.

- Yeah?

Has its advantages, I suppose.

I wouldn't ask if I wasn't really desperate.

Just till I get something else fixed up.

All right, all right, just for a couple

of weeks till you find somewhere.

Yeah.

Is this a private party

or can anyone join in?

Hello. Talk of the devil.

I'll say this for Tom,

he certainly knows how to pick them.

Obviously a bit of class. Probably

an air hostess or something like that.

This is Nikki. She's a stripper.

You can't always be right, can you?

Joe's coming to stay with us for a while.

- Oh, nice. When?

- How about now?

You weren't kidding, were you?

I don't believe in hanging about

once me mind's made up.

You planning on staying long, then?

Just till I get myself sorted out,

find a nice little place to live.

Oh, if you hear of anywhere that's going,

not too expensive.

Yeah. Sure.

She fancies me. I can tell.

I could pull this one. Dead easy.

No problem.

I expect you're like me, work odd hours.

Yeah, I do a bit.

I suppose that means

we won't see a lot of each other, then.

Do you fancy a quick one before I go?

Oh. No, thanks.

Better get out and earn some money.

- Like me to drop you off?

- Yeah, great. Save me getting a cab.

I could definitely make it with her, but I

think I'd better put in a bit of hard graft,

earn meself some money.

Yes, that's what I'm going to

concentrate on for a bit, money.

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