Airplane! Page #10

When he tries to remove paper from typewriter, it rips in

half.

EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT

THUNDER and lightning.

INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT

Randy approaches Hammens. Mr. Hammen is sick.

RANDY:

Yes?

MRS. HAMMEN

Oh, Stewardess. My husband is very sick.

Can you do something, please?

RANDY:

Well, the doctor will be with you in just

a moment. One thing: do you know what he

had for dinner?

MRS. HAMMEN

Yes, of course. We both had fish. Why?

RANDY:

Oh, it's nothing to be alarmed about.

We'll get back to you very quickly.

She turns to walk toward CAMERA with horrified expression.

INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT

Elaine enters, turns to face Rumack. Oveur is at controls in

f.g.

ELAINE:

Doctor Rumack, Mister Hammen ate fish. And

Randy says there are five more cases, and

they ate fish, too.

DR. RUMACK

Let's see now. The co-pilot had fish. What

did the navigator eat?

ELAINE:

He had fish, too.

Oveur is picking up on the conversation.

DR. RUMACK

All right, now we know what we're up

against. Every passenger on this plane who

ate fish for dinner will become violently

ill within the next half hour.

Oveur looks down at his dinner tray and sees skeleton of the

fish he just ate.

ELAINE:

Just how serious is it, doctor?

DR. RUMACK

Extremely serious. It starts with a slight

fever.

Oveur experiences what the doctor is describing.

DR. RUMACK

Then a dryness in the throat. As the virus

penetrates the red blood cells the victim

becomes dizzy and begins to experience a

rash and itching. From there the poison

works its way into the central nervous

system causing severe muscle spasms,

followed by the inevitable drooling. At

this point, the entire digestive system is

rendered useless, causing the complete

collapse of the lower bowels, accompanied

by uncontrollable flatulence...until

finally the poor bastard is reduced to a

quivering, wasted piece of jelly.

Oveur passes out and pitches forward onto the controls.

Rumack and Elaine lose balance as plane dives.

EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT

THUNDER and lightning as plane is diving.

INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT

Passengers are being tossed about. A woman, applying rouge,

smears it all over her face.

INT. CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - CLOSEUP - A PLATE OF JELLO

wiggling. CAMERA PANS UP to braless woman whose breasts are

wiggling.

INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT

As they finally untangle Oveur from the wheel, he gains

semi-consciousness.

OVEUR:

(gasping)

Turn...on...automatic pilot.

Oveur passes out.

ELAINE:

Uh, automatic pilot...automatic pilot?

INSERT - ELAINE'S POV - CONTROL PANEL - NIGHT

ELAINE:

is frantically searching for automatic pilot button.

ELAINE:

There it is!

INSERT - SWITCH MARKED "AUTOMATIC PILOT"

Elaine's hand tenuously reaches for and turns switch to

"ON".

INT. COCKPIT - CO-PILOT'S SEAT - NIGHT

SOUND of rushing air as instantly inflatable balloon pilot

takes shape in seat with hands on wheel. His uniform and cap

are painted on, and he has an alert "leave the driving to

us" expression on his face. The plane immediately regains

level flight, and Elaine and Rumack sigh in relief.

DR. RUMACK

I'll get back to the passengers.

Rumack exits.

McCROSKEY (v.o.)

(over radio)

Come in two-zero-niner. This is Chicago.

Flight two-zero-niner, come in, please.

Elaine picks up mike while still standing.

ELAINE:

This is Elaine Dickinson. I'm the

stewardess. Captain Oveur is passed out on

the floor, and we've lost the co-pilot and

navigator, too. We're in terrible trouble.

Over.

OVEUR (o.s.)

Groan!

McCROSKEY (v.o.)

Elaine! Roger, Roger! I read you. This is

Steve McCroskey at Chicago Air Control.

ELAINE:

Hi, Steve!

McCROSKEY (v.o.)

Now listen carefully. Is the automatic

pilot on? Over.

ELAINE:

Yes. Yes, it is. Over.

OVEUR (o.s.)

Huh?

McCROSKEY (v.o.)

Very good. Now, Elaine, where are you?

Over.

ELAINE:

I'm standing over Oveur. Over.

INT. CHICAGO DISPATCH - NIGHT

McCROSKEY

(into mike)

All right, Elaine. Just hold on. We'll be

back to you in a minute.

CAMERA PULLS BACK to reveal dispatch is a beehive of

activity. The Chief Dispatcher, STEVE McCROSKEY, is barking

orders to AIR CONTROLLER #1.

McCROSKEY

Hold all takeoffs. I don't want another

plane in the air. When the 508 reports,

bring it straight in.

Air Controller #1 exits quickly. McCroskey picks up phone.

McCROSKEY

Put out a general bulletin to suspend all

meal service on flights out of Los

Angeles.

He hangs up phone and talks to AIR CONTROLLER #2.

McCROSKEY

Tell all dispatchers to remain at their

posts. It's going to be a long night.

Air Controller #2 exits. McCroskey notices he is out of

coffee and turns to AIR CONTROLLER HINSHAW.

McCROSKEY

And how about some coffee, Johnny?

HINSHAW:

No thanks.

AIR CONTROLLER #3 enters.

McCROSKEY

I want the weather on every landing field

on this side of the Rockies, no matter

what the size.

Air Controller #3 exits. AIR CONTROLLER #4 enters.

McCROSKEY

Do you understand?

Air Controller #4 exits. AIR CONTROLLER #5 enters.

McCROSKEY

Any place where there's a chance to land

this plane.

Air Controller #5 exits. SIAMESE TWINS enter.

McCROSKEY

Stan, go upstairs to the tower and get a

runway diagram. Terry, check down on the

field for emergency equipment.

Siamese Twins leave. In the b.g. we see them trying to walk

in opposite directions. Air Controller #1 enters.

AIR CONTROLLER #1

Chief, there's fog down to the deck

everywhere east of the Rockies. There's no

possible place they can land. They'll have

to come through to Chicago.

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