Airplane! Page #11

McCROSKEY

Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit

smoking.

He lights up a cigarette. McCroskey walks toward a table and

leans on his hands.

McCROSKEY

I want the best available man on this. A

man who knows this plane inside and out

and won't crack under pressure.

HINSHAW:

How about Sal Mineo?

McCROSKEY

Get me Rex Kramer!

EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT

Lightning and THUNDER.

INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT

Elaine is in the pilot's seat and the inflated automatic

pilot is in co-pilot's seat.

McCROSKEY (v.o.)

Now, Elaine, right next to the throttle is

the air speed gauge. What speed does it

indicate?

ELAINE:

Three hundred twenty miles per hour.

INSERT - AIR SPEED GAUGE

BACK TO SCENE:

We see, but Elaine does not notice, the automatic pilot very

slowly beginning to deflate.

McCROSKEY (v.o.)

Good. Now check your altitude. That's the

dial just below and to the right of the

air speed indicator.

ELAINE:

Thirty-five thousand feet.

INSERT - ALTIMATER

Altitude is dropping.

BACK TO SCENE:

ELAINE:

No, wait. Now it says thirty-four thousand

feet. It's dropping! It's dropping fast!

Why is it doing that?

By now the automatic pilot is really slumped over as it is

quite deflated. It is staring at her with a half smile.

Elaine notices it.

ELAINE:

Oh, my God! The automatic pilot! It's

deflating!

McCROSKEY (v.o.)

All right, Elaine, don't worry. We have an

auxiliary inflation system. Just follow my

instructions.

ELAINE:

Okay, but please hurry! We're dropping

fast!

INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT

Passengers are being tossed about. Rumack is examining a

female patient.

DR. RUMACK

What the hell's going on up there?

Rumack starts toward cockpit.

INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT

McCROSKEY (v.o.)

Now, Elaine, don't panic. On the belt line

of the automatie pilot there is a hollow

tube. Can you see that?

ELAINE:

Yes. Yes, I can see it.

McCROSKEY (v.o.)

Good. Now that's the manual inflation

nozzle. Pull it out and blow it up like a

balloon.

Elaine kneels over automatic pilot's crotch, puts tube in

her mouth and blows. Automatic pilot inflates. Rumack bursts

into cockpit.

RUMACK'S POV

Back of automatic pilot with Elaine kneeling over its

crotch.

INT. PASSENGER CABIN - OUTSIDE OF COCKPIT - NIGHT

Rumack slams the door in disbelief.

CLOSEUP - AUTOMATIC PILOT

with a big smile on its face.

INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT

Passengers are relieved as plane regains level flight.

EXT. AIRPLANE - THROUGH COCKPIT WINDOW - NIGHT

Elaine and automatic pilot are relaxed in their seats. Both

are smoking cigarettes.

EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT

THUNDER and lightning.

INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT

Rumack enters.

DR. RUMACK

Elaine, you're a member of this crew. Can

you face some unpleasant facts?

ELAINE:

No.

DR. RUMACK

All right. Unless I can get all these

people to a hospital quickly, I can't even

be sure of saving their lives. Now, is

there anyone else on board who can land

this plane?

ELAINE:

Well...

INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT

Striker, struggling with drinking problem, pours drink

between his cheek and ear.

INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT

ELAINE:

No. No one that I know of.

DR. RUMACK

I think you ought to know what our chances

are. The life of everyone on board depends

on just one thing: finding someone back

there who not only can fly this plane, but

who didn't have fish for dinner.

CAMERA ZOOMS into CLOSEUP of Elaine's face as she realizes

the severity of the situation.

EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT

THUNDER and lightning.

INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT

Passengers are listening to P.A.

ELAINE (v.o.)

Ladies and gentlemen, this is your

stewardess speaking. We regret any

inconvenience the sudden cabin movement

might have caused.

Randy drags unconscious pilot, Oveur, down center aisle.

ELAINE (v.o.)

This is due to periodic air pockets we

encounter. There is no reason to become

alarmed, and we hope you enjoy the rest of

your flight. By the way, is there anyone

on ­board who knows how to fly a plane?

Absolute pandemonium. Passengers are yelling, screaming,

tearing their hair out and climbing around. A naked woman

runs down the aisle. Sister Mary is choking a Krishna. Two

passengers are dueling with swords. A Spanish-speaking lady

waits for her husband to translate the announcement, then

panics.

INT. KRAMER'S HOUSE

SOUND of car screeching to a stop. PAUL CAREY, twenty-four

year-old, cleancut, naive-looking, navigator trainee enters

and pushes doorbell. We HEAR the typical eight-note chime

progression. The CHIMES then play the Air Force Fight song.

A dog BARKS and MRS. KRAMER opens the door.

CAREY:

Hello, I'm Paul Carey from the airline.

I'm here to pick up Captain Kramer.

MRS. KRAMER

Oh, yes. Come in, Paul. Rex will be right

out.

INT. KRAMER'S HOUSE - NIGHT

When Carey enters, a big dog jumps on him with its paws on

his chest.

MRS. KRAMER

Shep, sit...sit! So, I understand you've

got a real emergency down there.

CAREY:

(holding off dog)

Well, to tell the truth, they really

didn't fill me in on many of the details.

Just told me to pick up Captain Kramer.

MRS. KRAMER

Something about a plane with no pilot?

Carey begins to lose battle with the dog, while trying to

remain polite.

CAREY:

Yeah, something like that, but as I say,

they didn't have time to tell me very

much.

MRS. KRAMER

Shep, no! I'll bet you have exciting

things happen all the time down there.

Shep is growling and Carey's arm is locked firmly in his

Jaws.

CAREY:

Well...the airline business...does have...

its moments...

Rate this script:5.0 / 4 votes