Airplane! Page #12

Shep pins Carey against the wall, ripping his sleeve.

CAREY:

...but after...awhile...you begin to...

(gasp)

...get used to it.

MRS. KRAMER

Shep, no! He gets so excited when new

people are here.

We hear a THUD and loud growling.

MRS. KRAMER

Are you a pilot yourself?

Carey is on the floor desperately fighting off the dog,

which is on top of him.

CAREY:

I'm...in a...argh...navigator training

program.

KRAMER enters, buttoning his coat.

KRAMER:

It's unbelievable! How many times have I

warned those people about food inspection?

Kramer is tying his tie in the mirror. In the corner of the

mirror, Carey is being thrashed by the dog.

KRAMER:

The airport management, the F.A.A., and

the airlines, they're all cheats and

liars! All right, let's get out of here.

EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT

THUNDER and lightning.

INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT

Randy is talking to Krishnas.

RANDY:

Sorry to bother you. We were just looking

for someone with flying experience.

Randy exits. They return to reading their PLAYRAMA magazine

with a female Hari Krishna in a sexy pose on the cover.

HARI KRISHNA #1

Hari Rama?

HARI KRISHNA #2

Rama Rama.

INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT

Striker is sitting next to a MAN FROM INDIA in a business

suit and turban.

STRIKER:

You see, the day we left the village it

was raining, so we had to take a special

jeep to the main road...

The Indian is dousing himself with a can of gasoline. In

b.g. Randy is talking to passengers.

STRIKER:

In fact, we were lucky to even get a jeep

since just the day before the only one we

had broke down -- it had a bad axle...

The Indian lights a match to immolate himself. Randy

approaches.

RANDY:

Excuse me, sir. There's been a little

problem in the cockpit and I was

wondering...

STRIKER:

The cockpit? What is it?

RANDY:

It's the little room at the front of the

plane where the pilots sit. But that's not

important right now. The first officer is

ill and the Captain would like someone

with flying experience to help him with

the radio. Do you know anything about

planes?

The Indian holds the match, awaiting the outcome.

STRIKER:

Well, I flew in the war, but that was a

long time ago. I wouldn't know anything

about it.

RANDY:

Would you go up, please?

He has a moment of indecision. The Indian encourages Striker

with an adamant nod. Striker gets up to leave. The Indian,

relieved, blows out the match.

INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT

Jack is sitting across the aisle from a 65-year-old

con­servatively dressed SPINSTER. He pulls a flask from his

coat pocket and takes a swig. She eyes him dis­approvingly.

JACK:

Would ya like a little whiskey, ma'am?

SPINSTER:

(insulted)

Certainly not.

She inserts a two inch straw in her nose and snorts a couple

lines of cocaine off a piece of glass.

INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT

Striker enters.

STRIKER:

(to Rumack and Randy)

The stewardess said...

STRIKER'S POV

Empty pilot's seat and inflated automatic pilot.

STRIKER:

Both pilots!

DR. RUMACK

Can you fly this airplane and land it?

STRIKER:

Surely you can't be serious.

DR. RUMACK

I am serious, and don't call me Shirley!

What flying experience have you had?

STRIKER:

Well, I flew single-engine fighters in the

Air Force, but this plane has four

engines. It's an entirely different kind

of flying...all together!!!

RANDY/RUMACK

(all together)

It's an entirely different kind of flying.

STRIKER:

Besides, I haven't touched any ­kind of

plane in six years.

DR. RUMACK

Mister Striker. I know nothing about

flying. All I know is this: you're the

only person on this plane who can possibly

fly it. You're the only chance we've got.

DRAMATIC MUSIC as Striker turns to face the controls.

STRIKER'S POV

CAMERA PANS controls. CAMERA KEEPS PANNING and PANNING as WE

SEE more and more controls ad absurdum.

EXT. LAX PASSENGER LOADING AREA - NIGHT

INSERT METER - $ll5.25. The businessman in Striker's cab

checks his watch.

INT. CHICAGO DISPATCH - NIGHT

McCROSKEY

(to Air Controller)

Tell Omaha to acknowledge and standby.

(into phone)

Get every piece of emergency equipment you

can reach.

(to Air Controller)

Alert at every mile of the way from here

to the mountains.

Hinshaw grabs Air Controller #1's tummy.

HINSHAW:

Would anyone care for a roll and coffee?

Phone RINGS.

AIR CONTROLLER #2

Chief?

McCROSKEY

We'll need a pre-landing flight check.

Tell 'em I'm in the dispatch office and I

want it here fast.

AIR CONTROLLER #2

It's your wife.

McCROSKEY

(into phone)

I want the kids in bed by nine. I want the

dog fed, the yard watered, and the gate

locked. And get a note to the milkman --

no more cheese!

He slams dowm the phone. He leans his hands on the desk.

McCROSKEY

Where the hell is Kramer?

On the wall behind him there is a picture of McCroskey

leaning his hands on a desk.

INT. CAR - NIGHT

Kramer and a mutilated Carey are en route to airport. Kramer

is at the wheel. Through rear window is obvious REAR

PROJECTION of passing road.

KRAMER:

(into phone)

No, we can't do that; the risk of a

flameout is too great. Keep him 24,000.

No, feet!

He hangs up phone.

KRAMER:

One of the passengers is going to land

that plane.

CAREY:

Is that possible?

KRAMER:

Possible, but it's a hundred to one shot.

Thousand to one. I know this guy.

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