Alfie Page #5

She's 20 minutes late and now she

wastes another 20 telling him why.

I left home in time, but everything

went wrong at the station.

You look worried.

I was only worried in case

something had happened to you.

Here's your new-laid eggs.

Here's your marmalade.

Bleeding great chunks of peel in it.

No wonder he's ill.

Did that chap come about the smell

in the garden?

He thinks it's trouble

with the main drain.

Now he's worried

about the bleeding drains.

- How were your last X-rays?

- I think they're improving.

Ask him to look at that loose gutter.

It might fall on you or the kids.

- Kill the bleeding lot of 'em.

- I will.

- How was your sputum test?

- Now there's a morale raiser!

They're waiting for the results.

Are you managing alright?

I mean, about money?

Yes, everything's going fine.

- You're sure?

- Yes, certain.

They're trying to get through

to one another. Know what I mean?

It ain't easy

with their sort of mentality.

Here, see this?

Carla, her name is.

Hear how her skirt rustles?

There's something

about that rustling.

I think I'll get on my bed,

just in case.

Don't let me disturb you.

You can take that later.

I know what it must be like,

seeing each other only once a week.

- She seems quite nice.

- Yeah, she's very nice.

I'll just get you ready

for your injection, Mr Elkins.

Thank you, nurse.

Would you like a banana?

Thanks.

Ta.

Did my mother come round?

What?! Yes.

Was everything alright?

She was put out because I

hadn't made the kids a cooked dinner.

She's mad about Sunday dinners.

- Young Phil's missing you ever so.

- Is he?

He woke up early this morning.

I could hear him talking away

to himself in his cot.

He kept scolding you

for not coming home.

Ah, bless him!

- I seem to have only just got here.

- Don't panic.

Dirty beast!

The sister will give you

your injection after tea.

Tell her to send the blonde

who's a good dart thrower.

- You won't forget to write?

- As soon as they've gone to school.

- Give my love to Phil and Shirley.

- I will.

- Bye, love.

- Eat your eggs.

Yeah, I will.

Don't worry,

I'll be alright in a minute.

Don't worry, I'll look after him.

- He hates me going.

- I'll soon cheer him up.

Thank you.

You get dependent on 'em coming, see.

And it don't do to get dependent

on nobody in this life.

They bring fruit and flowers

and say how well you look,

and after five minutes, they're dying

for the bell so they can get away.

I know, I've watched 'em.

They're no sooner out of the

door than they say to each other,

"Gawd, did you see old Ned?

Didn't he look rough?"

"Keep them insurance policies dusted.

Don't throw that black hat away."

I've heard 'em.

- Mr Elkins.

- Hello, nurse.

You should be in bed.

I couldn't sleep, so I come down

and made a cup of tea.

You're not supposed to.

I have been doing things all my life

I'm not supposed to.

You know what?

I had an 'orrible nightmare.

- You must have had too much supper.

- No, serious.

I dreamt

that the hydrogen bomb had fallen,

and I didn't get killed.

But I got some of that dust

on my shoulder, see?

I rushes in this house,

shuts the door,

and who's standing there?

Little Malcolm.

Who?

Oh, yeah.

It's this kid I used to know.

And then I realised that this...

this dust on me,

this poison I've picked up...

...will kill him.

And I was taking it to him.

I was taking death to him.

But what could I do? I had to save

my bleeding self, didn't I?

Made me feel rough, though.

It would make some sense

to a psychiatrist.

You know what? I wish just for once

I could get myself to do

something good in my dreams.

It wouldn't cost me anything.

I'd get a great deal

of satisfaction out of it.

They've got you when you're awake

and when you're asleep.

You'll be leaving here next month?

Yeah.

I'll be glad to get back to London.

It won't be the same

without you around here.

I ain't gone yet.

Would you like me to give you

something to make you sleep?

Now, there's a good idea.

Alright, then, come with me.

Marvellous what you can get

on the National Health.

- Bye, Mr Elkins.

- Bye, Mrs Clamacraft.

Bye-bye, love.

You know something? Visiting days

ain't doing you any good.

- How do you mean?

- Takes you a week to get over one.

If you're not careful, you'll be

leaving here in your wooden suit.

But that's all I live for,

to see her and talk to her.

You've got to live for yourself,

not for others.

You'd do without her

if she got run over.

Don't talk like that, Alfie.

No. All I'm saying is,

it don't do to get attached

to nobody like that in this life.

What your sort don't understand...

- What?

- Is...

Is the bond between husband and wife.

What I do understand

is human bleeding nature.

How do you know your missus

ain't got a geezer outside?

You say another word about my wife,

I'll knock your bloody...!

Harry.

Don't get aeriated.

Harry, sit quiet.

Here, have a fag.

The doc said not to smoke

more than five a day.

Take no notice of the doc.

You've got to get yourself better.

No, all I meant was,

with a bird, you can never tell

where it's been nor what it's done.

Say "she".

You're talking about my wife.

She or it, they're all birds.

What you've got to do

is start living for yourself.

Like I do.

They won't keep me here long.

No, but, Alfie, I miss the kids.

- Especially the youngest.

- Here, just listen to me.

Just listen to me for a minute.

Supposing tonight, you was

to snuff it. Know what I mean?

- You're a right 'un.

- Just supposing.

- Have a giggle. That's all life is.

Say your old woman picks up

with a bloke and brings him home.

Not Lily! She wouldn't.

Why not? She ain't bad.

She's got a fair little figure.

Not my type, but still.

She brings this bloke home

and introduces him to the kids

as Uncle Bill.

- Your kids'd get a kick out of him.

- Not young Phil.

He'd be the first

if Uncle Bill brought some toys.

You wouldn't buy Phil with toys!

Then your missus tells

the neighbours the kids need a dad.

- She'd blame it on the kids.

- What are you getting at?

I only want you to see the truth

and start getting better.

For a month or two after you're gone,

your wife and kids

might take flowers to the cemetery,

but once she's married again and the

kids start calling Uncle Bill "Dad",

your little grave

will become just a mass of weeds.

If you walked into your home

six months later,

your kids'd ask Uncle Bill,

"Dad, who is it?"

I'll knock your bloody head in!

You're driving me up the wall!

All I want is for you to see life,

see what it is

and what it does to you.

I never wanted to hurt you, Harry.

I never want to hurt anybody.

No, I suppose not.

But you do, Alfie. You do.

Want a game of draughts?

- Yeah, alright.

- Come on.

Oi!

- How are you?

- Alright.

- Look at you.

- I feel alright.

- I've got a gaff lined up for you.

- I'm not used to all this noise.

I've had six months

of peace and quiet and fresh air.

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