Alfie Page #8

You're a bloody liar!

Watch the suit.

It's just back from the cleaner's.

Is that you, Alfie?

Yeah, it's me.

I'm late, ain't I? Start rucking me!

What happened?

You've got an awful black eye.

Blimey! He's injured me for life!

- Where's that steak you bought?

- I've made you steak and kidney pie.

I'm fed up with hotpots

and steak and kidney pies!

Why can't we have something

out of a can for a change?

Corned beef or Spam.

Handsome grub, that was.

You said you liked

my steak and kidney pies.

If I get that lot on top of a skinful

of beer, I can hardly draw my breath!

I'll get an 'orrible feeling of being

full up, blown out, poncified.

You said you loved

that feeling of being full.

What I loved once and what I love now

are two different things.

Where's my button-down shirt?

Your blue one? In the drawer.

- No, the pink one.

- I washed it. It'll soon be dry.

Why did you wash it?

I only wore it for a few hours.

I thought it'd feel fresher for you.

I do believe you only wash

to fill in your bleeding time!

- Why should I?

- To get him out of your mind!

Get who out of my mind?

That bleeding Tony you write about

in your little diary!

You can't get outta your mind

or something!

Alfie, have you been in my bag

and read my diary?

Why shouldn't I?

You shouldn't

because them's my secret thoughts.

You ain't entitled

to secret thoughts living with me!

Everyone's entitled to them.

Then you shouldn't write them down

and let me see 'em!

I only wrote them

to get them out of me.

I'll show you what I think of you,

your secret thoughts

and your bleeding

steak and kidney pie!

And don't take nothing

that don't belong to you, either!

Don't let your custard spoil.

It's in the oven.

Annie?

Annie? Come back! I didn't mean it!

Come in.

You're a bit early, girl.

I didn't want to be late.

- Is he coming?

- Yeah, about two o'clock, he said.

Here, give us your bag.

Blimey!

Your hands ain't half cold.

You ain't worrying, are you?

A bit.

Yeah, you're all dark under the eyes.

I couldn't sleep last night.

Well...

And you can get ready for him

when you want to.

Thanks.

I've let myself

in for something this time alright.

It was that day

I took her up the river, see.

Round about three months ago, it was.

That was something

I thought I got for nothing.

But it don't never work out

that way, does it?

So, I agrees to help her

and lay it all on.

Well,

it was the least I could do,

knowing old Harry, an' all.

See what I mean?

Come in, mate.

Well, here we are.

What do you mean, here we are?

I mean

you've come to the right place.

And this is the young lady

I talked to you about on the phone.

Pleased to meet you.

- Got your gear with you?

- Don't ask questions.

Sorry. This is the room where

you can examine this young lady.

And why should I

examine this young lady?

Well, you got to, ain't you,

before you do it?

- Before I do what?

- Do what you've come to do.

Quiet, Alfie.

There must be some mistake.

You are the gentleman

I talked to last Thursday night?

- Alfie, please, be quiet.

- Don't worry, my dear.

Now, I must have a serious talk

with you both.

- Are you two married?

- Us two married?!

Blimey! Do we look it?

No. I mean, she's a married woman,

but I'm a single man.

Is there any chance of you

getting married in the near future?

I very much doubt that.

What do you say, Lily?

But you are the putative father?

The what?

Me?! I'm nothing.

I'm just obliging a friend.

Well, that's unusual.

It's very unusual.

You are the man who...

is going to help me?

Her old man's in a sanatorium, see?

And she's had a moral lapse.

- See what I mean?

- I'm not quite sure that I do.

It'll never happen again.

She needs helping because

her marriage would look very dodgy

if her husband came out

at this stage of the game. Got me?

She's got three other kids as well.

And where do you fit into all this?

Well, she had no place to go, see?

Well, that's most altruistic.

I hope you both

appreciate the seriousness

of this case.

To terminate a pregnancy

after 28 days is a criminal offence

punishable in a court of law

with seven years' jail.

Do you understand this, you two?

Yeah.

Not only that, but it's a crime

against the unborn child.

It's a course never to be

embarked upon lightly.

You must consider

the circumstances thoroughly

before you go through

with your decision.

Since afterwards it will be too late

to change your mind.

Have you given the matter

your fullest consideration?

- What do you say, Lily?

- I've no way out.

Then you've decided

to go through with it?

Yes, I must.

Then I might be able to help you.

- Thank you.

- Yes.

Have you got the money?

Yeah, the money.

The young lady's got it.

- That'll be 30.

- 25. That's the figure we discussed.

Very well, then, 25.

Right. Very well.

Right, young lady,

would you care to follow me?

- I'll need some boiling water.

- The kettle's on the stove in there.

Good.

I hate anything like this.

My understanding of women

only goes as far as the pleasure.

When it comes to the pain,

I'm like every other bloke.

I don't wanna know.

Have you done?!

Almost everything I can do.

- Can she go home now, then?

- Lord, no!

It's only been induced. It hasn't

happened yet. That comes later.

If her temperature rises rapidly,

give her two of these.

- I'll leave you six.

- How will I know?

Well, if she starts to sweat,

give her two.

Here, mate.

Shouldn't you see the job through,

considering

how much you've been paid?

Two if she sweats.

How you feeling, girl?

He gave me these tablets

to give to you.

Take two if your temperature goes up.

You do look old, girl.

He got his money easy.

Not so loud. My landlady'll hear!

I can't help it!

This pain!

- Lily!

- This pain! I can't help...!

I'm sorry, Lily. I'm sorry.

I had to do it.

If my landlady heard,

she'd have the ambulance here!

Doctors, police, the lot!

All this

would have been for nothing!

See what I mean?

That's why I had to do it.

Is there something I can get you,

Lily?

Would you like a cup of tea?

No. You go.

I'm better on my own.

There's nothing you can do.

You'll be alright, will you?

You're sure you'll be alright?

I know it don't look nice,

going off and leaving her.

But what do look nice

when you get close up to it?

Come on, Malcolm!

You naughty boy!

You're keeping everyone waiting.

Suzanne Elizabeth, I baptise thee

in the name of the Father

and of the Son and of the Holy Ghost.

Amen.

And now we join together

in the family prayer of Christians.

Our Father,

which art in heaven,

Hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done,

On earth as it is in heaven...

Who's Daddy's best boy, eh?

Who's Daddy's best boy?

Who's the best boy in the world?

Lily?

Is it all over?

Yes.

- I'll be ready to go in a minute.

- There's no hurry, girl. No hurry.

Don't.

Don't go in there.

I could have dropped on the spot

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