All American Christmas Carol Page #6

A WHITE TRASH CHRISTMAS, AND I AM NOT HAVING THAT AGAIN

THIS YEAR. -OKAY, SO YOU'RE SAYING YOU'RE

NOT GONNA HAVE THEM HERE? -I AM SAYING THAT, BOB. I AM SAYING THAT.

LOOK AT THIS. HUH? -UGH. -THAT IS A SYMBOL OF STATUS AND ACHIEVEMENT AND CLASS -- SOMETHING YOUR SISTER WILL NEVER

KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT. AND IF SHE WAS SMART --

AND WE KNOW SHE'S NOT -- SHE WOULD TAKE THAT STUPID

HAMMERED GOLD RECORD AND SELL IT AND SIGN

THE BEAUTY SHOP OVER TO US. -"STUPID RECORD'S" UNCALLED FOR. -OKAY,

I CANNOT DO THIS ANYMORE. I CANNOT DO THIS ANYMORE. -WHAT?! HONEY! WHAT?! -I'VE HAD IT. -WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! -LOOK, WE NEED YOU. BUT WE NEED 100% OF YOU. -YOU'VE GOT IT! -NO, WE DON'T. -BABY, PLEASE, DON'T --

-COME ON. -DON'T GO.

I'M -- I'M BEGGING YOU. -LOOKS LIKE HE LOVES HER TO ME. -[ SIGHS ]

THAT IS PATHETIC, BOB! -WE'RE GONNA GO STAY

WITH MY PARENTS FOR A WHILE. -IT'S CHRISTMAS. -THAT IS SO WRONG. SHE KNOWS HOW BAD BOBBY FELT WHEN OUR DADDY LEFT US

ON CHRISTMAS. -I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE! I WANT A CHRISTMAS HERE

WITH EVERYBODY! -HONEY, IT'S OKAY.

JUST COME. -I DON'T WANT TO GO!

[ SNIFFLES ] -WE'RE JUST GONNA GO

WITH GRANDMA AND GRANDPA FOR A LITTLE WHILE AND HAVE

CHRISTMAS OVER THERE. YOU GOT TO MAKE A CHOICE --

IT'S EITHER HER OR ME. [ DOOR CLOSES ] -SO, ARE WE DONE? -ALMOST. -WELL [CHUCKLES]

THERE AIN'T NOTHING HERE AT THE DOLLAR KING

THAT I DON'T KNOW ABOUT. -ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT? 'CAUSE IF YOU'RE SURE

ABOUT THAT, I'LL MAKE YOU A WAGER. -OH, YEAH?

AND WHAT DO I GET IF I WIN? -I'LL LEAVE YOU ALONE. -HMM. AND WHAT DO YOU GET IF YOU WIN, WHICH YOU WON'T,

BUT WHAT DO YOU GET? -YOU GET CLEANING SUPPLIES, AND YOU CLEAN UP

YOUR MOM'S OLD SALON. -THAT'S IT? JUST CLEAN UP HER SALON

AND NOT ACTUALLY WORK THERE? -THAT'S UP TO YOU. -DEAL. [ SPITS ] WELL, IF YOU DON'T SHAKE, THEN HOW ARE YOU GONNA KNOW

I'M NOT GONNA KEEP MY WORD? -I TRUST YOU WOULDN' BREAK YOUR WORD WITH THE ONE

AND ONLY CONSTANTINE. -YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT.

I PROBABLY WON'T. [ CHUCKLES ] SEE?

I KNEW HARLEY SKIPPED SCHOOL! [ SIGHS ] -MAYBE HE WAS LYING. -LYING?

HARLEY DON'T LIE TO ME. -TAKE A CLOSER LOOK

AND THINK REALLY HARD. -OKAY. -IT'S CHRISTMASTIME.

SCHOOL IS OUT. IT'S 9:00 P.M. AT NIGHT. -WOW.

YEAH, I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT. I WONDER WHY HARLEY WOULD HAVE

LIED ABOUT SKIPPING SCHOOL. -WELL, MAYBE... HE'S HIDING SOMETHING. -HUH. HARLEY HAS A SHIR WITH HIS NAME ON IT?! HE HAS A JOB! THAT LITTLE BASTARD. -LITERALLY.

-HEY. WHAT DOES HE NEED MONEY FOR? I MEAN, IF HE HAS A JOB,

THEN I SHOULD BE GETTING... -YOU SHOULD GE GETTING WHAT? -WELL, I SHOULD JUST KNOW

ABOUT IT BECAUSE HE'S MY SON, AND I SHOULD KNOW ABOU EVERYTHING THAT HE'S DOING. -MM-HMM. SO IF YOU KNEW

ABOUT THIS JOB... YOU WOULDN'T BUY

ALL THAT NEEDLESS CRAP ON HIS CREDIT ACCOUNT,

ASK HIM TO BRING HOME POP, CHEEZ WHIZ, AND LOTTO TICKETS? THAT WOULDN'T HAPPEN? -[ SIGHS, TAPS FOOT ] -AH, CHAMP. THEY GOT YOU STACKING

TOILET PAPER. -MERRY CHRISTMAS, UNCLE BOB. AND I'M... [ SIGHS ] I'M SORRY

ABOUT TIM'S BLACK EYE. -OH, HE'LL BE FINE. I'M NOT TOO MERRY, THOUGH.

MARGE LEFT ME. -HOW COME? -OH, IT'S NOTHING.

SHE'LL BE BACK... I HOPE. ANYWAY, I'M HERE FOR YOU. IS THIS WHAT YOU WANTED? -YEAH. THANKS FOR DOING THIS,

UNCLE BOB. I MEAN, THEY WOULDN'T SEND

THE BILL OUT TO A KID. -HEY, CHAMP,

YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS. -UM, I KNOW, BUT...

I KIND OF HAVE TO. THI-- THIS IS LIKE

THE WHOLE CHECK. -YEAH.

LET ME TAKE -- -NO. NO, UNCLE BOB.

I... [ SIGHS ] I NEED

TO TAKE CARE OF US. -ALL RIGHT. YOU ENDORSE IT RIGHT HERE

AND SIGN IT RIGHT TO THE DWP. -WELL, I GUESS THAT'S WHY

THE POWER DIDN'T GET TURNED OFF

LAST MONTH. [ CHUCKLES WEAKLY ] HEY. -I'M PROUD OF YOU, CHAMP. YOU'RE BECOMING

QUITE THE LITTLE MAN. UH, I-I MEAN BIG MAN. -THANKS, UNCLE BOB. -ALL RIGHT.

LET'S GET OUT OF HERE. IT'S CHRISTMAS EVE. -SO THAT HOW THE ELECTRIC BILL

WAS PAID LAST MONTH. -CINDY,

WHERE DID YOU COME FROM? -I WAS JUST HERE.

I WAS SHOPPING AROUND. SO WHY'D YOU --

UH...WHY'D YOU GET A JOB? [ CHUCKLES ] -I MEAN, THE BILLS

HAD TO GET PAID SOMEHOW. -WELL, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE

TO WORRY ABOUT THAT. -WELL, WHAT'S GOOD

HAVING A BIG-SCREEN TV IF YOU CAN'T WATCH IT? -COME HERE. [ SIGHS ] ALL RIGHT. I'M -- UH, I HAVE TO GO NOW,

SO [SIGHS] -PHEW. I THOUGHT FOR A SECOND

THAT MAYBE YOU ACTUALLY CARED ABOUT SOMEBODY

OTHER THAN YOURSELF. -WHERE ARE YOU GOING, MAMA? -[ SCOFFS ] I MADE A PROMISE TO SOMEONE

THAT I-I WANT TO KEEP. -WHAT ABOUT YOUR PROMISES

TO YOUR KIDS? -I INTEND TO KEEP THOSE, TOO. -HAVE A GOOD TIME. COME ON, BUD. -[ SCOFFS ] WHATEVER. [ SIGHS ] -BOO!

-[ GASPS ] -BABY, I'VE BEEN LOOKING

ALL OVER FOR YOU. -WAYNE, I DON'T HAVE TIME

RIGHT NOW. -COME ON!

YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS! -WHAT?

OH, YOU GOT A MINIVAN? SO WHAT? -NO, THAT'S NOT THE SURPRISE. OH, BOY, DO I HAVE

A CHRISTMAS PRESENT FOR YOU. WAIT -- HOW'D YOU KNOW

I GOT A MINIVAN? -WHAT? -HOW'D YOU KNOW I GOT --

NEVER MIND. COME ON. I WANT YOU TO SEE YOUR PRESENT. -[ SCOFFS ] OKAY. -COME ON. JUST KEEP YOUR EYES CLOSED. -THEY'RE CLOSED. -NO PEEKING. TURN. [ Chuckling ] YOU READY? -YEAH. -TA-DA! -MERRY CHRISTMAS! -OH, MY -- [ LAUGHS ] WOW! WAYNE! THIS IS MINE?

I OWN THIS? -ALL YOURS. -I HAVE NEVER GOTTEN

ANYTHING THIS NICE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE, WAYNE. -SO THEN...YOU LIKE IT? 'CAUSE THE GUY I GOT IT FROM

SAID IT'S IN GREAT CONDITION. -MATSUI, YOUR FAVORITE CO-- -PLEASE STOP TALKING.

I JUST NEED A MINUTE. AHH. OH, YEAH. THIS IS MY HELMET? -THAT'S YOUR HELMET.

PUT IT ON, BABY. IT MATCHES THE BIKE.

YOU LOOK SO GOOD. -THANK YOU.

[ CHUCKLES ] [ SIGHS ] HOW'D YOU AFFORD THIS? -DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

IT'S A GIFT. -IS IT FROM YOUR COLLEGE FUND? -I WAS BORN IN A TRAILER PARK, I WAS RAISED

IN A TRAILER PARK, I'M ASSISTANT MANAGER

OF THE DOLLAR KING, AND MY WOMAN IS CINDY WEGMAN. -WHAT? -THAT'S WHO I AM, BABY. -AS LONG AS YOU'RE SURE. -WELL...YOU SEE, BABY... MEETING YOU BROUGHT SO MUCH

JOY IN MY LIFE AND -- [ ENGINE TURNS OVER, REVS ] [ Shouting ] AND I DON'T WAN THAT JOY TO END, SO I WAS THINKING, MAYBE

YOU'D DO ME THE HONOR OF... [ ENGINE REVVING ] -WHOO! [ LAUGHS ] [ ENGINE SHUTS OFF ] -YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. -WANT TO GO FOR A RIDE? -WHAT? YOU DITCH WAYNE

FOR A RICH GUY OR SOMETHING? -NOPE.

WAYNE BOUGHT IT FOR ME. -WHERE DID WAYNE

GET THAT KIND OF CASH? -WORKING. I KNOW. GO FIGURE. -HUH. SCOOCH OVER. I DON'T RIDE BACK DOOR. -COMPROMISE? -COME HERE. OHH. -[ CHUCKLES ] [ GRUNTS ] [ ENGINE TURNS OVER ] [ SQUEALS ] -WHEN DO WE GET OUR PRESENTS? -YOUR BUTT'S YOUR PRESENT. -YOUR MOM'S BUTT'S

YOUR PRESENT. -YOUR MOM'S BUTT'S BOTH OF

OUR MOM'S BUTT, SO SHUT UP. -GUYS, CAN WE MAKE THIS

CHRISTMAS NOT BE ABOUT BUTTS? -WELL, MY BUTT'S OUT OF HERE --

NO PRESENTS, NO BRANDIE. -HEY!

YOU SIT YOUR BUTT DOWN! DOWN. WE'RE HAVING CHRISTMAS TOGETHER

IF IT KILLS US. -WHEN'S MAMA COMING HOME? -IT'S CHRISTMAS, BUDDY.

SHE'LL BE HERE. -YEAH, BUD. DON'T WORRY. -I ALWAYS WONDERED

WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE ON A BRAND-NEW HARLEY

UNDER A BEAUTIFUL TREE. [ ENGINE SHUTS OFF ] -NO. KEEP IT ON. -SAY WE LOSE THESE

FOR A COUPLE HOURS, HUH? -OH, MY GOD. -WHAT? -[ GASPS ] OH, MY GOD. GET OFF.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes