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All American Christmas Carol Page #7
-WHAT? -RANDY, GET OFF.
-WHAT?! -JUST GET OFF MY BIKE.
-NO. -I GOT TO MARRY WAYNE. WAYNE SHOULD BE HERE
DOING THIS WITH ME! WHEW. OH. RANDY, GET OFF! -[ GRUNTS ] HEY! WELL, WHAT ABOU WHAT WE HAD TOGETHER? -[ SCOFFS ] RANDY, YOU WERE WITH
PAM AT THE CHRISTMAS PARTY. COME ON. [ ENGINE TURNS OVER ] -WELL, HOW THE HELL AM I
GONNA GET OUT OF HERE?! IT'S CHRISTMAS! GOD! -YOU PISSED AWAY
YOUR COLLEGE FUND ON A HARLEY FOR CINDY WEGMAN?! BET YOU NEVER RODE NEITHER ONE
OF THEM, YOU DUMMY. NOW YOU CAN'T EVEN
GET BACK TO WORK 'CAUSE YOU'RE SO SOBBING SO HARD ABOUT THE FAC THAT SHE TOOK OFF! -BUT I LOVE HER. [ SOBS ] -YOU SHOULD BE SOBBING
ABOUT THE FACT THAT SHE TOOK OFF
WITH ALL YOUR MONEY. -[ SOBBING ] -ALL RIGHT.
GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF! IT'S CHRISTMAS EVE! LOOK. YOU PUT IN
SOME LONG HOURS HERE, AND YOU DO SOME OVERTIME -- HECK, BY THE TIME YOU'RE 40... -[ CRIES ] -THERE YOU ARE! [ GIGGLES ] OF COURSE I'LL MARRY YOU. WHY DON'T YOU JUST SAY SO? -REALLY?
AM I GONNA DO? -DO YOU LOVE ME? -IF WINK WASN'T HERE,
I'D SHOW YOU JUST HOW MUCH. -DON'T MIND ME. -BUT SINCE HE IS, I'M JUST GONNA TAKE THE MINIVAN
AND I'M GONNA GET USED TO IT. I'LL SEE YOU BACK AT HOME, OKAY? -WINK, PLEASE DON'T MAKE HIM
WORK TOO LATE. -[ Mockingly ] NO, I WON'T. -[ CHUCKLES ] -SEE? SHE DOES LOVE ME! -GET OFF! FOR AS BRIGHT AS YOU ARE, YOU ARE AS DUMB
AS A BAG OF HAMMERS -- DUMB, DUMB, DUMB! -OH. [ SIGHS ] DANG IT. -[ Echoing ]
YOU LOOKING FOR THIS? -OH, NOT NOW.
REALLY? [ SIGHS ] -WHERE ARE YOU HEADED? -TO WHAT I PROMISED
THE LAST GHOST I WOULD DO. -[ SCOFFS ]
CLEAN UP YOUR MAMA'S SHOP? NO, YOU AIN'T. -[ SCOFFS ] [ SNAPS FINGERS ] -THIS AIN'T RIGHT. THIS AIN'T THE SALON. -THIS IS LIKE -- -SCRAPBOOKING PLACE. -WHAT THE HECK? -IT LOOKS GOD-AWFUL,
DON'T IT? [ LAUGHS ] [ COUGHS, LAUGHS ] -HEY, I KNOW THAT LAUGH. I KNOW THAT LAUGH! MAMA. -[ CLICKS TONGUE ] -YOU LOOK TERRIBLE. -WELL... -WHAT'S UP WITH
THE CREEPY BLACK ROBE? -ROBE'S PART OF THE TRADITION FOR, UH, GHOSTS
OF CHRISTMAS FUTURE. ANYWAY,
AFTER YOU MARRIED WAYNE, YOU SOLD THE PLACE
TO BOB AND MARGE. YOU NEVER DID GET NO JOB. -[ SCOFFS ] WELL, I ACTUALLY THINK
IT LOOKS KIND OF NICE. -OH, YOU LIKE THE WAY
THIS LOOKS? IT LOOKS LIKE A MAGAZINE
OR SOMETHING. IT'S GOT NO SOUL. I MEAN, HONEY,
LOOK WHAT YOU LET HAPPEN TO THE SALON THAT I BUIL WITH MY OWN HANDS. -IT'S QUAINT! -YEAH. THEN MARGE WENT EVEN HOG-WILD AFTER SHE GOT IT ALL
IN THE DIVORCE. -WAIT -- BOB AND MARGE
GOT A DIVORCE? -YEAH. -SEE? [ CHUCKLES ]
I KNEW THE FUTURE LOOKED BRIGHT. I KNEW IT. -YEAH.
[ CLICKS TONGUE ] THEY DIDN'T GET ALONG SO WELL AFTER, YOU KNOW,
THE INCIDENT WITH... LITTLE TIM. -WHAT HAPPENED WITH TIM? -[ SIGHS ] -HEY, HEY! WHAT HAPPENED TO TIM? -OH. OH. OH. SO SUDDENLY YOU CARE
ABOUT TIM, HUH? -I'VE ALWAYS CARED
ABOUT PEEPERS! -[ SIGHS ] -WHAT HAPPENED TO MY HARLEY? -REMEMBER THE PHRASE, "I'D RATHER PUSH A HARLEY
THAN RIDE A HONDA"? -YEAH. -THAT'S FOR PEOPLE
WHO COULD AFFORD THEM. YOU WERE TOO GOOD
TO RIDE A HONDA, BUT TOO LAZY TO WORK TO MAKE THE MONEY
TO KEEP A HARLEY. NOW, COME ON. THIS IS HURTING ME JUST AS MUCH
AS IT HURTS YOU. -[ SIGHS ] -MAKES ME REALIZE
I WAS A BAD MAMA. YOU NEVER DID LEARN HOW TO COOK, AND WAYNE TOOK TO EATING
THE PIMENTO LOAF AT THE DOLLAR KING
ALL DAY LONG. -DANG. WAYNE! [ SCOFFS ] WAKE UP, YOU LARD.
IT'S TIME FOR WORK! -[ SIGHS ]
IT'S CHRISTMAS. -SO? THE DOLLAR KING
AIN'T NEVER CLOSING! -I QUIT. -QUIT? REALLY? WELL, YOU KNOW
THAT WINK'S GONNA DIE, AND YOU'RE GONNA GET PROMOTED. -I CAN'T BELIEVE WINK
NEVER PROMOTED ME. HE PROMISED. BABY, HE PROMISED. -WHAT A LOSER! YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT,
OF ALL THE LOSERS IN ALL THE DIFFEREN TRAILER PARKS, THAT WAYNE
WAS GONNA BE DIFFERENT. -HE WOULD'VE BEEN, TOO, BUT BEHIND EVERY GREAT MAN
IS A GREAT WOMAN. -ARE YOU SAYING
I AIN'T A GREAT WOMAN? -YOU THINK
IT WAS BETTER FOR HIM TO BUY YOU A HARLEY
THAN TO GO TO COLLEGE? -IT WAS FOR ME.
-OH, LOOK AROUND. YOU REALLY THINK THAT THIS WAS BETTER FOR YOU
IN THE LONG RUN? -LET ME GUESS --
THAT'S ME IN THE BOX. I AIN'T AFRAID OF DYING. -LOOK AROUND.
FUNERAL PARLOR'S PRETTY EMPTY. -SO? IT'S NOT LIKE
I'D BE AROUND TO CARE. THOUGH, ACTUALLY, I DID THINK
WAYNE MIGHT BE HERE. HE WAS PRETTY GOOD
ABOUT OBLIGATIONS. -WAYNE DIED A YEAR AGO. SAW A COMMERCIAL
FOR I.T.T. TECHNICAL COLLEGE AND BEGAN CRYING SO HARD
HIS THROAT DONE CLOSED UP AND COULDN'T GET NO MORE AIR. STRANGE OCCURRENCE. SUFFOCATED TO DEATH. -HMM. SEE? LOOK.
SOMEBODY LOVES ME. HERE COMES BOB. HE'S ALWAYS GOOD
ABOUT OBLIGATIONS, TOO. -I HAVE LAID AWAKE MANY A NIGHT,
THINKING TO MYSELF, "THERE AIN'T NO ONE THAT CAN GE THROUGH TO THIS WOMAN. "AND EVERY DAY, "WITH THE TRAIN WRECK OF A LIFE
THAT YOU'VE LED, "SOMEHOW YOU'D GET BY... WITHOUT A CARE
FOR ANYO BUT YOURSELF." I NEVER THOUGH I'D SAY THIS, BUT... I'M GLAD YOU'RE GONE! -ALL THESE YEARS, HE'S BEEN
WISHING FOR ME TO DIE? -YOU RUINED MY LIFE! -OH, SIR! SIR, I UNDERSTAND
THIS IS AN EMOTIONAL TIME, BUT I CAN'T LET YOU
HURT THESE FLOWERS. -I WAS JUST LEAVING. -[ SIGHS ] -UNCLE BOB. -WHO'S THAT? -I'M GLAD YOU CAME. -OH, THAT MUST BE SKOAL.
HE ALWAYS HAD A WILD STREAK. -WHAT HAPPENED WITH TIM,
THAT WAS MY FAULT AND NOT HERS. -WAIT -- WHAT?
WHAT HAPPENED WITH TIM? DID -- DID HE COME OU OR SOMETHING? -KEEP WATCHING. -NO, CHAMP, IT WAS HERS... AND MINE, A LITTLE BIT,
FOR LETTING IT HAPPEN, BUT NOT -- NOT YOU. YOU WERE A VICTIM, SON... JUST LIKE TIM. YOU KNOW, HARLEY, YOU WERE
ALWAYS SPECIAL TO ME. -HARLEY? -I LOVE YOU, UNCLE BOB. I'M SORRY AGAIN. [ CHAIN CLINKING ] -THIS IS A MISTAKE. HE WOULD MAKE ME THROW BACK
PENNIES FROM THE WISHING WELL. HE WOULD -- HE WOULD NEVER
STEAL FROM ANYBODY. -THE MONEY WAS RUNNING OUT,
THE BILLS WERE PILING UP, WAYNE'S PAYCHECK
FROM THE DOLLAR KING JUST WENT INTO THE NEGATIVES
WITH ALL YOUR SPENDING, AND THAT DAMN HARLEY
KEPT BREAKING DOWN AND NEEDING TO BE FIXED. -BUT I WOULDN'T HAVE ASKED HIM
TO FIX IT. -YOU DIDN'T NEED TO ASK. -AND TIM -- [ SIGHS ] -TIM LOOKED UP TO HARLEY
AND COULDN'T SAY NO. -DID HE DIE IN THE ROBBERY? -NO. THE CLERK DID. TIM DROPPED THE GUN,
AND IT WENT OFF. -WELL, WHAT HAPPENED? -TIM DIED THE FIRST NIGH IN THE COUNTY JAIL. THEY COOKED HIS FOOD
IN PEANUT OIL. -OHH. -[ Chuckling ] WELL, HEY. AREN'T YOU GONNA MAKE A CRACK
ABOUT THAT? I MEAN, TYPICAL, RIGHT?
HE'S SUCH A LITTLE WUSSY. HE COULDN'T EVEN MAKE IT THROUGH
ONE NIGHT AT THE CLINK, AND IT WASN'T 'CAUSE HE WAS
SHANKED, EITHER. IT'S 'CAUSE OF A PEANUT ALLERGY. [ Chuckling ] I MEAN,
WHAT A LAME-ASS, RIGHT? -IT'S NOT FUNNY! -REST IN PEACE, MOM. [ DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS ] HARLEY? HARLEY! YOU KNOW YOUR MAMA
LOVES YOU, RIGHT? HARLEY! HARLEY. YOU LOVE YOUR MAMA, RIGHT? HARLEY? HARLEY,
YOU LOVE YOUR MAMA, RIGHT? HARLEY! HARLEY, YOU LOVE... -MAMA. ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? -AM I A GOOD MAMA? -YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU. -THAT'S NOT WHAT I ASKED YOU. -WELL, YOU'RE MY MAMA. AND THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS. -BUT YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU,
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"All American Christmas Carol" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 29 Aug. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/all_american_christmas_carol_2487>.
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