All Relative Page #4

Okay.

We did initially

rush into things,

But that was then,

and look at us now.

I need to ask you something.

Okay.

Is dad having an affair?

No.

No. Of course not.

I don't... I don't know.

What is it?

Are you having an affair?

Honey!

Sweetheart, please.

It just... it just feels

really weird in this house.

I don't know. Am I imagining it?

There's nothing going on,

sweetie.

Here.

Room for this?

Yeah.

Uh, I'll meet you

at the register.

Okay.

Hi, sweetheart.

Hi.

Those are your eyes, baby.

That nose... the nose

is definitely yours.

Okay, maybe it's my nose,

but those are your eyes.

You think so?

Yeah, that's what you look like.

Yo.

I am in some serious sh*t

right now, man.

The mom that I slept with

a month ago?

Uh-Huh.

Grace's mother!

- No fudging way.

- What?

Yeah, fudging way.

Now I'm stuck in a house

with her and grace.

That is incredible.

I d... I'm freaking out, man.

I got to bail.

- No, no, no, no, no. Bad move.

- Wait. What?

The most important thing

in this situation right now,

You are one step away

From having a mother/daughter

threesome.

Oh, my god. He's about to have

a mother-Daughter threesome.

Ew! Ew!

I never did this

when I was single. Jesus!

I'm not having a

mother/daughter threesome!

Dude, I need you to be serious

right now.

The husband has no idea

I had sex with his wife.

- There's a husband?

- Yes!

Don't worry about it.

She is not gonna want

To reveal the affair

any more than you do.

You'll be completely fine.

Are you kidding?

I think she wants a divorce.

Play it cool.

No open affection toward her

in front of the mother.

I'm just coming over to you.

Don't feed her

at the dinner table. Do not...

- you all set?

- Yeah.

We have leftovers, sweetie.

No, thanks.

I saw a documentary at school

on the food industry.

I am done with meat.

Well,

60 minutes of sugar is toxic.

Better than mad cow.

We're back!

How did it go?

I made it.

Yay!

- How's things here?

- Good.

Harry, this is my sister, Liz.

Hey. Hey, Liz.

So, uh... you know,

I-I-I think I'm actually

gonna head out.

No! Already?

Well, Jared's expecting me,

And I don't

want to keep him waiting.

Oh, well, you know,

you really don't look 100%.

I think that maybe you should,

like, lie down or rest.

Really?

Well, that's... I feel great.

Harry, do you play golf?

Who doesn't?

That's good.

I have an 8:
47 tee time

With a managing partner

at the firm.

You should join us.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- That sounds amazing. Yeah.

- Good.

Well, you should

just spend the night, then.

Yeah,

you can sleep in Kate's bedroom.

She's still at NYU, so...

it's empty.

I-I could sleep in Kate's room.

Yeah, you know,

or, you know what I'll do?

No, no. The golf course

is literally around the corner.

- It's not a big issue.

- Just stay the night.

- Listen.

- Grace.

I think harry is saying

he has plans.

It's absolutely no inconvenience

If you want to stay

in Kate's room.

Ugh, Phil, look at me.

I'm not in the proper attire.

Well, we're about the same size.

Figure something out for you.

Um... well, I guess.

It's a done deal.

You're golfing in the morning,

And you're staying

in Kate's room.

- Yay!

- Good.

Yay. Staying in Kate's room.

- I'll let the partner know.

- All right.

I'll get my bag.

What the f*** are you doing?!

What? He made me stay!

I could have burned your ass

When you took your fake sick

to... to the pharmacy.

And you chose to stay?!

Give me a break.

Burn my ass,

and your ass gets burned.

I've decided to tell my husband.

Okay.

Are you out of your mind?!

Mmhmm.

You shouldn't have

a problem with that,

Since, according to you,

relationships need

To be founded

on a bedrock of honesty.

Do not throw my words

into my face!

You know there are exceptions

to that rule.

I am not prepared to tell grace.

I owe it to her

to tell her what happened.

Oh, bullshit!

You're the one that lied

about being divorced.

I never said I was divorced.

- Yes, you did.

- No! You assumed.

I think you're just jealous.

You're jealous of me and grace.

- Oh, please.

- Admit it.

What we had was purely physical.

It was only about sex.

What are you going to do?

Why'd you make harry stay

when you know I'm not a fan?

W-W-What do you have

against him?

I shouldn't have to justify

my feelings

About who gets to stay

in this house.

It's my house, too.

You're right.

I'm sorry.

I don't want to fight tonight.

I haven't had a drink

in two hours.

I'd really like to talk.

I really want to be fresh for

my golf game tomorrow morning.

Can we just talk about this

tomorrow?

No. No.

I want to talk now.

Fine.

What do you want to talk about?

I want to talk about harry.

I just thought

that it would be easier

If we all left together

in the morning.

What is the big deal?

You knew how I felt.

And you didn't care.

Well, what do you want me to do?

Should I have him

go sleep in his car?

He was leaving

to stay at a friend's house,

But you insisted he stay

just to contradict me.

No, I didn't.

I just want him to meet

my partner on the golf course.

He was gonna meet you in

the morning at the golf course!

I already told you. I'm sorry.

Yes, because you'll say anything

Not to have this conversation.

Then why don't you

just tell our daughter

Who she can and cannot date?

That way we can all disregard

each other's feelings.

That's rich, coming from you.

You're an a**hole.

Besides,

grace is too young for him.

He's got bags under his eyes

and a thin upper lip.

Maren?

No.

Grace.

You thought I was my mom?

No, no.

Uh, hey. Is everything okay?

I don't know.

Is everything okay?

Holy sh*t.

I've always wanted to have sex

in the house I grew up in.

I know, but I don't want to

wake your mom and dad up.

You've been very patient.

I know,

but your parents are right here.

So what? It's not like

we're in high school.

Yeah.

Okay.

Grace, I really don't feel

comfortable pressuring you.

Is it my outfit?

- Is it too much?

- No. No, hey.

You look amazing.

Like, amazing amazing.

It's just I'm... I'm here,

And it's...

it's a strange house.

It's... like,

the house isn't that st...

what the f*** was that?

- What? What?

- Listen. Shh.

I heard something.

You need to relax.

Oh, my god. Okay.

You know what I'm gonna do?

Hey. Hey, babe.

You know what I'm gonna do? Mm?

I'm just gonna go...

I'm gonna go and brush my teeth.

And then I'm... I'm gonna

come back here after...

after I brush them,

So you don't go anywhere, okay?

- Okay.

- All right.

- Be right back.

- Okay.

You're gonna go back in there.

You're gonna tell her

you're tired.

You're gonna tell her

you're very, very tired.

You need to get

a good night's sleep

So you can impress her dad

and his partner

At the golf course tomorrow,

And you're gonna be out

of this house,

You're gonna be home free.

It's all you got to do.

No, no, no, no.

Hey! Psst! Psst! Psst!

Come... come here. In here.

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