Alpha House Page #3

Oh relax! Right.

I'm on it.

Is it working?

Alright. Titty cam number one

is ready for it's broadcast day.

Sweet.

Let's roll!

Right there. There.

Perfection.

Namaste.

No, no, no. Hold it!

Let's do another one.

Jackpot!

So don't want to go

to psych class today.

Hey how was history yesterday?

F*** the feminist movement.

Turn around. Turn around.

They make the Disney princess

seem like they're bad.

I mean, "Hello?

They get everything they wanted."

- What the f*** is that?

- Bigfoot.

Hey did you see that?

A**holes!

Zach, you have to check out

this footage.

It's totally epic.

- Maybe later guys.

- Titties.

- Hey there.

- F***! Can a guy get some...

Hi.

Studying huh?

- Trying to.

- Just like old times.

You remember our first date?

7th grade... after school

you asked me to meet you...

- In the library.

- Right.

You said you wanted me to help you

with your history assignment

but I seem to remember

what you really wanted

was to feel my b*obs.

Under the sweater over the bra

if I remember correctly.

Oh you remember.

- So what are you studying now?

- Oh.

History.

You don't say.

I'll let you get to it.

We should shower together

more often.

Yeah, it's so much fun.

It's good for the environment.

- It is.

- I know!

- Helping bunnies.

- Yeah!

Some perverts!

Do you have to be

such an a**hole?

I think you mean

president a**hole.

I'm taking this to the Dean.

Ya'll would love to get her

Alabama hot pocket.

I have no idea what that means.

I'll tell you about it later.

Stop making that. Stop.

- I'm on the phone!

- I'm going to lunch.

Be back by one!

Try three.

Yes. Yes.

Well I look forward to speaking

about Virgin Mary more as well.

Yes. Yes. Alpha House project

is moving forward.

Students are getting along.

No, no, no, no, complaints.

And uh if there are

there's always provision 13.

If we have to use it

we most definitely will.

Listen up ladies,

the game has changed.

Before you know it we're gonna

have this house all to ourselves.

- How?

- Like this.

What are you doing?

What we have to do

to take this house.

Saddle up girls.

It's time to blow some minds.

Hey Cameron.

- Hey.

- Hey what's up K2.

Um, I just really wanted

to apologize

for the way

I have been acting lately.

- Really?

- Yeah, you know.

I know it must be weird

being forced to live

with a whole bunch of women.

It's a lot to take in all at once.

That's cool.

We've been having fun.

Yeah, totally. Us too.

Anyways, the girls and I kinda want

to offer you a peace offering.

- Oh. A peace offering?

- Yeah.

You know, for all the trouble

we caused you.

It's the least we can do.

So... dinner tonight

at the house.

- On us?

- Sure. Sounds good.

Perfect. I'll see you then.

And remember to dress nice.

We got something

really special planned.

Alright.

- See ya.

- Okay, bye.

God.

Good evening gentlemen.

We your alpha sisters

would like to thank you

for welcoming us

so warmly into your home.

As a token of our gratitude,

we prepared a very special meal

for you tonight.

One that I think you'll remember

for a very long time.

Please take a seat.

Enjoy your dinner boys.

I don't know about you fellas

but I am famished.

Time for stage 2.

Yes.

Associate Dean Marshall please.

Don't you like what you see?

Everything looks delicious.

Help yourself.

No, no, no, no.

No! No, no, no, no.

Relax Relax. Okay.

Do you have any wasabi?

Of course.

Bang-o-rang.

Dude, they're just b*obs.

No, no, no, no. He's chocking!

- Oh my god!

- Does anybody know the heimlich?

Everybody relax, I'm a lifeguard.

Careful.

- Geez are you okay?

- Am I okay? Look at my face!

- A**hole!

- What's going on?

Oh.

I'd say I was disappointed,

that doesn't quite cover.

- Disrespected Irate Melancholy...

- Pissed off!

- I think does it.

- It's a good one.

Because of your antics,

and heinous treatment of sushi

I've been forced to expel

members of your fraternity

for indecency and fraternization.

And I particularly expected

more from you Ms. Kramer.

- Me too.

- Shut up potty mouth.

I'm so sorry Sir.

It won't happen again.

Good.

Because I will not hesitate

to put each and everyone of you

out in the street,

if you cannot follow the rules.

That is all.

I'm so sorry.

Edgar's gone.

So, what are we done?

We're just getting started.

We dial it up a notch.

We just can't get caught

in the process.

One man eliminated, but now...

we've lost two of our own.

That was sloppy.

From now on we play smarter.

We play harder.

We can't afford to have

anymore casualties.

That's awesome.

Chuckie, you sure

it's gonna work?

Dude, please. I switched

the DVDs this morning.

Well... This is

going to be educational.

Good afternoon.

My presentation

is on Pompeii.

In 79 A.D. the Italian city

of Pompeii was destroyed

by the sudden

and devastating eruption

of Mount Vesuvius.

For centuries before

this ruin however,

Pompeii was

a thriving metropolis

A place of wealth

and abundance.

In fact, it's citizens produced

works of art,

dance and music.

Still admired till this day.

You don't say.

Thanks.

Little did the people know

the dangers lurking

in the peeks

and mountains near by.

Sh*t!

Stop!

I'm gonna kill your children

and your children's children.

Uh! Come on!

F***!

So, Abby seems

to think you guys

have something to do

with her presentation...

I assure you

we had nothing to do

with the destruction of Pompeii.

Whatever.

I'm sorry that Edgar

got kicked out last night.

Yeah.

Same about Jessica and Katie.

Who would have thought

that Associate Dean Douchebag

was actually a man of his word.

Still not sure why he showed up

at that exact moment though.

It's bad luck I guess.

Hey.

Do you remember

that night in High School

when we were in

Johnny Peterson's basement

and you threw up

all over his coffee table?

Oh! Yes.

I told his mom

I was sick with the flu.

Did not have the heart to tell her

that we got into his dad's liquor.

Yeah, I drank you

under the table that night.

- What?!

- I'm just saying

you are kind of a lightweight.

- Oh really?

- Really.

Really.

Really?

Ladies and Gentlemen

welcome to sit or strip.

The rules are simple.

You flip this coin

and call it in the air.

You're right, you take a shot.

Get it wrong, you remove an article

of clothing and take a shot.

If you pass out

or end up naked you're out.

- The last man...

- Uh...

or woman...

standing wins the game.

There are no prizes.

This is simply a challenge

to determine the better sex.

- Are you ready?

- Yeah!

- I said are you f***ing ready?

- Yeah!

Good! Let the games begin.

- Tails.

- Tails! Tails! Tails!

Alright!

So beating you right now.

Alright. Then let's finish this.

Heads.

Easy now.

- I want a rematch.

- Okay lie back.

Because you are very,

very drunk right now.

We can't do this.

Zach.

Hey.

Light Weight.

So, what is it this time?

What am I doing here?

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