Alpha House Page #4

How did I get here?

You pig!

What the hell is going on here?

Exactly what I said what happen

when one of your boys

cross the line.

- What? No body...

- I found them

with a few of my girls

in their rooms.

Oh! Sounds pretty

consensual to me.

No, it sound like you conspired

to get them drunk

so you can take

advantage of them.

Oh! Horse sh*t!

You were there!

I suggest you boys begin

adhering to the rules.

Otherwise, You'll all be looking

for a new home.

Kelly is gonna wipe us out

if we don't get some help.

I think I know just the person.

Yo. Who is that?

That my boys

is my cousin Natalie.

She's our inside man.

Cameron.

Boys.

I heard you need some help.

Yeah, you have no idea.

Come on, baby.

What about that?

Oh yeah.

God!

- Dean Marshall

- I am busy Stephanie!

- He's busy.

- I don't give a rat's ass!

Marshall! What the devil

are you up to?

Dean Bungalon.

I'm not quite sure

what you are referring to.

Alpha House?

You're trying to launch

some kind of CoEd program?

Yes yes, the uh first of it's

kind in the state in fact.

Very progressive.

And certainly within

my remit as Associate Dean.

But I hear it has resulted

in the ejection of some students

from the faternity.

Yes, it's an unfortunate

but necessary.

My ass.

I cannot for the life

of me figure out

why you would think

is a good idea

to put a bunch of sexed up

young adults under one roof.

What did you think

was going to happen?

The benefits of the program

far out way the risks.

Making the Greek system

CoEd fosters a unity

between the genders,

and offers for a more...

cohesive living situation.

But no fraternization

with the opposite sex?

You're suppressing

their natural urges.

- Hell when I was an Alpha...

- Yes. Yes. We...

all know about the old days

when you were went Greek sir.

The point is students come

to Sterling College

to learn and to have fun.

Not to be put into some

social experiment.

I appreciate your concern sir.

I don't know

what your end game is Marshall,

But if I get a call that this

little plan of yours went tits up...

It's your ass.

- Not mine.

- Tits up my ass.

Got it.

Will there be anything else? Sir?

No.

Carry on with um...

Whatever it is that you do in here.

Ladies. This is Natalie.

She just transferred to Sterling.

So please make her feel at home.

- Hi Natalie.

- Hey

- I'm Emery.

- I'm Allison.

- Any progress with Kelly?

- No progress there.

That is wrapped tighter then

a condom on Peter North's dick.

Just keep on trying to break

that hymen okay?

If you see any opportunity

to take some leverage, take it.

Roger that.

I love you cousin.

I need you to do

some research for me.

I think we have a double agent

in our midst.

Find out everything you can

from that new girl Natalie.

I'm on it.

Time to turn up the heat.

Oh no, no, no, no, no.

Okay not-not in here.

This is our basement okay?

This is our territory.

Haven't you heard

about burlesquercise?

Okay but...

5 minutes.

Umm, you could make it 10.

Yeah go sexy.

Yeah.

Oh.

I think I want more.

Alright.

Yeah baby.

There we go.

Sexy!

- Oh sh*t!

- Oh!

What is going on in here?

So close.

Dude, we should all

just leave the house, okay?

We're dropping like flies.

I wish I could get Allison

to drop her pants.

I bet her cooz is like fine china.

Dude, now

you're just being creepy.

Guys we can do this.

We're Alpha's for Christ sake!

Alright, we'll wear them down.

You'll see.

Umm... You okay?

We're not going to make it.

Not with you girls walking around

the house flaunting your goods.

Flaunting our goods?

We're not built

to defend against this.

It's like you're actually

trying to get us tossed out.

All I ever wanted

is to be an Alpha.

What are you doing?

Flaunting my goods.

Feeling better?

Ah... Yeah.

I need to tell you something.

You're right about us.

Kelly is trying to take over

Alpha House

and turn it into a sorority.

What? How?

It's something called

provision 13.

It states that if the ratio of

either gender falls below 40%

the gender that has the majority,

has control.

That's why you guys

have been getting kicked out

so that we have the majority.

We've been playing you

the entire time.

I'm sorry.

You a**hole!

You crossed enemy lines!

I can't believe

you're f***ing her!

- Smelenie! Of all of them.

- It was just once!

And a half.

Okay. Look.

I am sorry that I punched you.

But you f***ing deserve it,

you know that?

- I know.

- Sh*t!

Sh*t!

So what do we do now huh?

Big guy!

I have an idea.

Alright sneak

into Dean Marshall's office,

and find out whatever we can

about this prevision 13 bullshit

and use it against the girls.

Sh*t security!

- Go, go, go!

- What are you doing?

Okay let's do this.

Quick in and quick out.

- Like your mama?

- Dick.

Okay.

You finding anything?

No!

Dude, dude, dude check it out!

What!?

Got it. Alright now let's rub

our balls all over his office.

- Dibs on his phone!

- Okay!

Sh*t!

Sh*t! Come on, come on, come on.

I want you to f*** me

on my freak boss's desk.

Treat me like a bad girl.

You're such a freak wanting

to do it in Marshall's office.

Enjoy it while it's here baby.

Marshall's gon his eye

on the Dean position

at Virgin Mary College.

Prestige. Expensive.

And all girls.

Why do you think he came up

with that freak idea

to CoEd all the fraternities.

He had to show

his commitment in order to seal...

the... deal.

Marshall is such a f***ing freak.

He only wants that job

so he can flirt with college girls.

Flip.

Gentlemen.

We are not gonna sit idly by

and watch our beloved fraternities

be stolen from beneath our feet.

From this night forward,

we do everything in our powers

to stop the advancement of Kelly

and the monkey dick lover

that we know

- as Associate Dean douchebag.

- How?

Well...

Enough with the drawings.

Just tell them the plan.

Well first we vow not

to touch the poon.

So keep it in your pants.

Then, those lying,

disingenuous,

fragalent, mendacious, perfidious

whores at their own game.

Who's with us?

Ladies and Gentleman.

Welcome to Greek Charity days

where all proceeds

earned by students

are donated to the charity

of every fraternity

and sororities choice.

Yep. No exactly the turn out

I was expecting.

- But it's... Pretty shitty.

- Yeah it's pretty shitty

The girls seem to be

doing pretty well.

Suspiciously well.

Come and get your kisses!

- Dude give me $10 dollars.

- Dude stop it. Alright.

Hey everyone...

- Look!

- Give money to Chair Titty Day!

Oh are you gonna squirt me

with your big gun?

That will be $75 dollars.

Thanks.

You think you can score?

- Dude we are in trouble man.

- Big trouble.

- Zach.

- Uh Zach?

- Zach who?

- Oh come on Cameron.

Oh! Zach!

He's not here. Do you see him?

Really?

You're that pissed at me?

He says that you lied to him

and that he was bad at the sex.

What did you expect me to do?

I'm trying to fit in.

Be part of the group. Just like you.

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