Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip Page #4

---

might be a bit low.

Ow! I'm a dumb stupid-head!

(LAUGHS)

So, he's... Ow!

And it bites.

I think that was just

a design flaw.

There's probably a recall.

You can put the doll

back in the bag.

Not the dark place!

What I am gonna need...

is for you to take a step

right over there...

because we're gonna need to

do a quick body search.

Body search?

Body search!

ALVIN:
Good luck, Simon!

Yeah.

Okay-

(GASPS)

Oh, no.

Where to hide, where to hide?

Relax.

Put your arms out.

They're out.

(MOANS SOFTLY)

One last spot to get.

SIMON:
I don't wanna

go to jail.

I don't wanna go to jail!

(GASPS)

That's not mine.

You just holding it

for a friend?

SIMON:
No, no,

not that, not that. (GRUNTS)

I don't get paid enough.

Get out of here.

ALVIN:
Real smooth, Simon.

I'm sorry!

I just, I got so nervous.

You are lucky I don't flush

the both of you

down the toilet!

SIMON:
Well, I'm glad we sent

Theodore to Baggage.

He never would have

made it through Security.

Wow! Hi, everyone!

Cold in here, isn't it?

THEODORE:
Whoa!

(EXCLAIMING)

(SCREAMS)

Miles, will you ask

a flight attendant

for some peanuts?

We're hungry.

Yeah. I too would

love a water.

But no ice.

It's supposed to be filthy.

Ooh, which reminds me.

(SINGSONG) Germs,

germs, go away,

don't come back

any other day, okay.

Shut up and stay out of sight.

SIMON:
Hey! Easy!

It smells in here.

If you're not gonna feed us,

I'm going to forage.

Not a great idea, Alvin.

We're not legitimate

passengers!

(SNIFFS) Ugh!

Oops! Sorry!

(GASPS)

I didn't mean to startle you.

(CHUCKLES) I'm not startled.

It's just you're...

You're you.

(CHUCKLES) I am me.

And, you know,

if you have a pen...

I'm always happy to

sign an autograph for a fan.

(LAUGHS MOCKINGLY)

I'm not a fan.

Okay-

Well, um, I'll be seeing you.

Excuse me! Pardon me!

Coming through.

Now where in this tin can

can I get some snacks?

On, baby!

(GRUNTING)

Hi! I'm Theodore.

Shh.

(MONKEY CHATTERS)

Inside voice.

Please stop.

You're gonna make

the other animals nervous!

Uh, okay, I'll let you out.

But you have to promise

to go back in before we land.

(CHATTERS)

(GRUNTS)

Got it. There you go!

Oh! Thank you, friend.

(SCREECHING)

Hey!

Please, everyone relax!

Um, Mister Monkey? Wha...

Wait! Don't do that.

No. Bad monkey!

(MOCKING)

I asked you to stop!

Hey! Please!

I'm begging you, Monkey Man!

(CHOMPING)

(SLURPING)

What?

You've never seen a chipmunk

in first class before?

Uh, actually, I recently flew

next to The Chipettes

and they were ladies.

Hey. Don't judge me.

I saw Pink Flamingos.

Excuse me.

May I see your boarding pass?

Yeah, well,

funny thing about that.

Ha! Gotta run!

Come here.

Get back here!

(WOMAN SCREAMS)

Simon! Run!

Where? We're on a plane.

I don't know! Come on.

Freeze!

Air marshal.

Don't move.

SIMON:
Can we move now?

This is a very

hard pose to hold.

(MONKEY CHATTERING)

What's that?

ALVIN:
Uh-Oh.

This can't be good.

What the...

What? What?

All right!

Everybody calm down!

It's just a monkey. All right?

Birds! Birds!

(WINGS FLAPPING)

Help! Someone save me!

(BARKING)

Nice doggy...

Theo! Over here! Jump!

Birds and dogs!

Oh, my God!

Okay, now there's a goat.

(BLEATING)

And an otter.

And an otter! God!

MAN:
Uh, ladies and gentlemen,

this is your captain speaking.

Listen!

We're going to be making an...

emergency landing

in Austin, Texas

due to a herd of

chinchillas in the cockpit.

All right, you heard him!

The plane's going down.

(ALL SCREAMING)

Not down like down-down.

Safely-safely.

We're not crashing!

You people are idiots!

We're all gonna die!

What an idiot!

Oh, great speech, Churchill.

You better watch it!

Do you know who

you're talking to?

I am the police of the sky!

(MACAW SQUAWKS)

Really?

AGENT SUGGS:
Okay.

Let's make sure

we have everything.

You released animals

from cargo,

and then you forced

an emergency landing.

We also snuck onto the plane.

Uh-huh. That's right.

Theodore!

That is three major

infractions on one flight.

Here's a fun fact.

That's three more infractions

than I've ever had

in all my years

as an air marshal.

Congratulations on such

a distinguished career, sir.

Did you hear that?

Because of that

"distinguished career"...

I've got a meeting

with Homeland Security

next week about a promotion.

Another congratulations, sir.

Shut up!

What do you think

they're gonna bring up

when they interview me, huh?

My decade

of perfect service...

or that one time

that three chipmunks

turned my flight

into Noah's Ark?

Probably the time

with the chipmunks.

Yeah.

Um, I meant the other one.

Look, sir, what could

we possibly have done

to make you hate us so much?

(BANGS TABLE)

I'll tell you what you did.

Whoa!

Holy Christmas.

(CHIPMUNKS SONG PLAYING)

I got a little

early gift for you.

(LAUGHS)

Oh, James.

You shouldn't have.

No. Wait a second.

I want to lnstagram

a video of your reaction.

Merry Christmas!

I'm breaking up with you!

What?

Thanks.

And The Chipmunks?

Grow up, James.

(MUMBLING) Wait.

(CHIPMUNKS LAUGHING)

(SCREAMS)

Awkward .

You provided the soundtrack

to my heartbreak.

But now it's payback time.

I am putting you three on the

No-Fly List.

What? No!

But we have to get to Miami!

You can't do that!

You see, I'm an air marshal.

I'm all-powerful...

I'm all-seeing...

and I'm all-knowing.

Then you obviously know

you just made

that entire speech...

with your tie

in a cup of coffee.

Okay. (GRUNTS)

I'll be back in two minutes.

You also still have a little

parrot poop on your shirt.

10 minutes.

And one more thing.

Don't even think

about leaving.

I have a very particular

set of skills.

Skills that I have acquired

over a very long...

You just put your hand

on an ink pad.

15 minutes.

(GASPS)

(SIGHS)

Whoa. That guy is the mayor

of Crazy Town.

We gotta get you out of here,

now. Let's go.

(CHUCKLES)

Oh, this is gonna be

the best...

Come on!

AGENT SUGGS:
Really?

Nobody runs on

Agent James Suggs.

Come on. Come on. Go.

MILES:
Here you go.

Thanks so much.

Well, that's as far

as my money takes us.

Which puts us 2 hours

and 30 minutes from Miami.

Hey!

ALVIN:
Yes!

THEODORE:
All right!

By plane.

Oh. Come on!

Guys, the party

is in three days.

We need to get to Miami. Fast.

And, as if we're not in enough

trouble already, it's Dave.

Oh, man.

Well, we cannot

possibly pick up.

We have to pick up,

or Dave will know

something is wrong.

Dave's gonna know

something's wrong

when he sees us standing

around a bunch of trash cans,

in a parking lot

in the middle of nowhere!

Hmm. Good point.

Ready to go eat?

Uh... Yeah.

Everything okay?

Let me check on something.

Hello?

Hi, it's Dave. Are you busy?

Oh, hi, Dave.

No, I'm not busy at all.

No, I'm just dining

with a friend.

What do you need?

All right, I'm gonna

take a look.

I'm right at the window.

Oh, no!

They've eaten everything!

And I mean everything!

Rate this script:3.5 / 4 votes