American Dirtbags Page #7

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little black-market organization

in charge of all kinds of sh*t.

- Gentlemen

- drugs,

gambling, prostitution,

and a little chop shop

down in east Atlanta

- this is the kind of car,

make a woman's p*ssy sweat.

- It will.

- This makes my p*ssy sweat.

- Ok.

- Me and Jimmy

became a powerhouse,

in a good week, we was

stealin' up to 15, 20 cars.

- You guys wanna stick around

and do a little skiing.

- Me and Jimmy made

a dope-ass team for awhile.

And then we got busted.

- F*** you.

It's all yours.

- There's no dial

tone on this phone.

- Put your thumb on the button.

- Everyone in the holdin'

cell knows you're a rookie

when you don't know

how the phones work.

Thanks.

Hey man, you jackin' off?

- Yeah, cuz, what

you think, n*gger?

- You know

some people go to jail

and they come out harder than

when they f***in' went in.

And some people

learn their lesson

and don't wanna go

back to that sh*t.

A n*gger like me

learned my lesson.

For the first time in my life,

a n*gger had a legit job.

- Hey man, I've got a horse

mask and a studded saddle,

what I need is like a

pony tail butt plug.

You got anything like that?

- Bigger the better.

- - Yeah,

what you wanna do is go

straight down this aisle,

make the first left, then

you're gonna go to the back wall

next to the gimp masks

and Assmaster 2000.

If you pass the fist of

fury, you went down too far.

- Great, thanks.

- I lost contact with Jimmy.

I heard as soon as he got

out, this motherf***er

went right back in.

- This is a f***ing robbery.

- Hi, easy, easy.

- I met a girl named Jasmine,

we got an apartment together,

we were talkin' about having

kids and startin' a family.

On some real full

house type sh*t,

except for the mom wasn't

dead in this sitcom,

and I was smashin'

that white ass.

And then, I ran into

little bankingie.

- You ever steal from me

again I'll f***in' kill ya,

now get your f***in'

ass out of here.

Motherf***er.

Smalls.

- Little bankingie.

- What the f*** is happenin',

man, why didn't you call me

when you got out?

- Ah, I'm goin' legit, man.

- Goin' legit, come on,

dude, that's bullshit.

- No, man, I'm goin'

legit, I got a job,

I got a laid-back

home, payin' taxes now,

I'm legit.

- Dude, come on, you gotta

come back into the family,

I got the perfect job for ya.

- Nah, that's not

for me anymore.

- I know how you

love pink Cadillacs.

- Now I wouldn't have done it,

but I hadn't seen a

pink caddy since my dad

lost his to the bank.

He loved that car, and so did I.

This was the chance to get

behind the wheel of one.

Smell the leather

seats, feel the feelin'

of the air blowin' on my face

like it did when I was a kid.

I figured one more time

and I was done for good,

back to bein' a old 9:00

to 5:
00 workin' ass n*gger.

I'm in.

Now I don't know what I

think about that whole

what goes around

comes around bullshit,

but I guess the powers that be

didn't want me to

have the last ride.

In fact, they were trying

to punish my black ass

for even trying.

I should of just left her

there when I had the chance,

I should of just stayed

at home with my baby

is what a n*gger should of did.

Ain't goin' back to

jail, with my record,

I'd get life for sure.

And f*** that, I ain't

doin' life for nobody,

even though that's probably

what I deserve if not worse.

I bet this girl was a

real sweetheart, too.

She probably helped

with the inner city kids

and fed the homeless.

Lives with her lovin' boyfriend.

They probably lie

in bed just laughing

and watching TV

together for hours.

His ass probably pacing around

the apartment right now,

wonderin' what's

taking her so long

to get back from the store.

But what the f***

am I supposed to do?

Damn, this goin' to

haunt me forever.

Sh*t, sh*t, sh*t, sh*t.

- Where the f*** am I?

- Wait, I thought you were dead.

I accidentally ran

over you with my car.

- You hit me with your car?

- It was a mistake.

- You're gonna be f***ing sorry.

- On second thought,

I should of made sure

the crazy b*tch was dead.

- My name is Sarah Whitley,

and this is not the

first time I've been left

od-ing outside of a hospital.

In fact, it's the third time.

So, I know the routine.

They save your life, but

they aren't nice about it.

They stick a tube

down your throat,

cut off all your clothes, and

shove a needle in your arm.

And when you come

to, they treat you

like the scum of the earth

and have you arrested.

They say marijuana's

a gateway drug.

First thing I tried

were cigarettes.

It wasn't hard to get

our hands on some.

My friend Lacy's mom

smoked 'em by the carton.

That was going to be the first

of many things that puking

wasn't gonna stop me from doing.

And I got drunk next.

Marijuana was the third

thing I ever tried,

and I didn't really like it.

Gateway drug, that's what

they called it in school.

Gateway to what, awesome land?

- Kids are gonna try

to peer-pressure you

into trying drugs

and alcohol, ok?

Might not be kids,

might be your neighbors,

might be your mom, might

be your step-dad, ok?

You resist it, you just say no.

You might be at a bone,

thugs and Harmony concert,

crazy bone, you guys

are bondin', he says,

"hey, I like will

Smith movies, too.

"Let's fire up a doobie

and get a pizza."

No, no, you keep your

promise to the crossroads.

- Even at a

young age, I was curious

to try different things.

I remember they tried

to make us sign a pledge

to promise to never

try drugs and alcohol.

I didn't sign that sh*t.

The first time I smoked pot

was with my high

school boyfriend.

- All right, now,

just hold it in your

lungs, long as you can.

- He was a few

years older than me

and dropped out of high school.

He lived with his

grandparents cause his parents

kicked him out and I thought

he was a total badass.

- Ah, you're gonna get

high as sh*t, good.

- My mom didn't give

a f*** about where I was,

so I basically lived there, too.

- Ya got to cough, got to.

- But like I said,

I didn't like that sh*t,

it just made me sleepy.

And then, my girl Lacy

introduced me to ecstasy.

Oh, I f***ing love you.

- I love you.

- I never loved you more.

We lived in nowhere

county, Buttfuck, Alabama.

You're so pretty, Lacy.

The only thing to do

was drugs and f***.

And we did a lot of drugs

and a lot of f***in'.

Oh my god.

- I dove head first into the

pacifier and glow-stick scene.

I probably went to more

illegal warehouse parties

than I can remember.

I had 20/20 vision

when I was 17.

By the time I was 18,

my vision was shot.

- We're here baby, hey!

- Then I had my first od.

- Stay with me

now, stay with me, now.

- Apparently, I

overheated, passed out,

and stopped breathing in

the middle of a party.

- F***, god damn

it, come on baby.

- I ended up at rehab.

After I od'd, they told

me I'd been legally dead

for seven minutes.

Seven f***ing minutes.

I don't remember

anything, no bright light,

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