American High School Page #4

- I please this man.

...I don't even need to know, buddy.

- Okay, she can stay.

- Guys:
Awesome!

You know what?

I think I want some dick in me.

Yes. I want to put Mr. Dickie in...

See, it's all one big

happy family, honey.

- Right. I'm going to my room.

- Just...

- Wait... wait a second.

- I'm going to my room!

- Honey?

- I'm still holding out for Mrs. Apple!

I show up to art class for

the first time whole semester...

Mrs. Apple gets naked.

I would have showed up every day

if somebody would've told me that.

Miss Apple is

the most phenomenal-looking...

...teacher I've ever seen.

She makes me never

want to cut again.

Yeah, well, I'm afraid I've been

tapping that lately, fellows.

Awesome!

- Whoo! Wait a sec...

- No.

- That's not awesome.

- That's not awesome, man.

That's the most unawesome thing

I've ever heard of actually.

Wait. You're not gonna let one bad

Apple come between...

...a bunch of great guys.

Thank you for the drinks.

Thank you for the funny puns.

I'm go... I'm going home.

Say it's not true, Kip.

Take it back.

I'm sorry.

I'm going home.

Hey, Matt! Matt. Jonny?

Wait. Wait now...

Matt:

I love her and you...

Jonny?

Eh, he'll walk it off.

Don't worry.

Kip'll make it better. So...

Oh hi, girl.

So let's get the party going, huh?

Okay, group kiss.

Group kiss.

'Kay!

- Jonny!

- Why are you girls still dressed?

I enjoyed that.

I'm glad.

So let's go inside

and make a baby.

I'm not gonna

have sex with you.

Gwen's gone.

I'm here.

Let's look at the facts:

we're the most popular kids in school.

Let's make a baby.

It's just me and you...

...and endless nights of

making babies.

F***.

I think you're a really great girl...

...and I had so much fun tonight.

I...

I haven't done anything

like this in a long time.

You know, people... People think

being married is so great...

...but it's really not...

...especially at

such a young age.

Like, you think

you have everything.

You know you want to like me.

She'll understand.

Ow.

God, why are you

making this so difficult?

I'll see you tomorrow.

#Let it come true #

#Come true #

#Let it come true... #

Purple.

What does purple mean?

Shhhh...

Okay, we'll disregard this one.

Okay, last one.

Come on, negative negative negative...

Aww!

Ew, that's so gross.

Come on.

Eww.

Ooh! Another negative.

Yeah!

So that makes three positive...

...three negative...

...and three inconclusive.

I thought these things were supposed

to be, like, 98% accurate.

People, please!

Let's maintain some order here.

Order? I will not have my daughter

exposed to this indecency.

Man:
For this,

the senior trip is canceled!

Yeah, we must police

these sexual deviants!

He can't do his job!

We need a new principal!

All:

Yeah! Yes!

- Get out!

- You're outrageous!

- Outrageous!

- Outrageous!

- Out!

- Despicable.

- Get out of here.

- Unacceptable!

- We don't want you here anymore.

- Out!

We don't need sexual

perverts like yourself.

Mann:
Attention, maggots. Due to

the lewd and unusual "fornification"

...of that c*nt... Er, I mean Gwen...

...your senior trip

will be canceled...

...and I will also be

standing down as principal...

...leaving Tits Mc...

I mean, Miss Apple...

...as acting principal.

I will be available via video chat

for comments.

Mr. Mann.

Principal Mann.

- I am acting as principal now.

- I'm the principal!

- I'm acting as principal now.

- I'm the principal.

- I'm acting as principal now.

- I am the principal.

- I'm acting as principal now.

- I'm the principal.

What a b*tch.

Yeah... A b*tch.

Oh, girls, look who's crying.

Oooh!

- Little girl wanna cry?

- Get away from me.

- You're pathetic!

- Ow.

You know, I'm so happy...

...that I get to be

the first one to tell you this...

...but Holden's going with me to prom.

Did I stutter?

I said your husband,

Holden Adams...

- is going with me, Hilary Weiss.

- Yeah.

Congratulations.

Thanks.

You know...

...it's been my dream

and this day has finally come.

But guess who's gonna

be prom queen?

It's gonna be me.

Ladies and gentlemen,

it is Tuesday.

Take one, pass it back.

Do not kill yourselves...

...until after you've failed.

Boy:
Guys, remember what

Coach said:

"No pass, no play. "

Let's get a break for good luck.

Ready?

- Hey.

- Don't "hey" me.

What are you mad about now?

Hilary, prom... Hello.

- You know?

- She told me.

- Um, I'm not really sure about it.

- Why would you consider it?

Why wouldn't you

come home with me?

Look, I'm sorry.

But guess who's gonna

be prom queen?

It's gonna be me!

It's gonna be me... Be me...

Let's make a baby... Be me...

...ha ha ha... Be me...

#I've been waiting for

the right time #

#So the lights can

open my eyes #

#Wonderin' if I'll ever change #

#Or if I'll stay the same #

#I'm not afraid of what

I'm doing to myself... #

Yo...

What, did your f***ing

puppy dog die?

How bad did you do?

Check out mine.

All you did was draw

a picture of a naked woman.

Duh!

Have fun in Lameville.

Why did he slap me?

I'm sorry.

I didn't write anything.

Oh. Then you fail. Goodbye.

- What?

- You fail.

That's how it works:

you don't do nothing, you get nothing.

- No.

- Don't cry.

- I don't like to see crying.

- Theodore.

Yeah, babe?

There's something I've

been meaning to tell you.

- What's that, pumpkin?

- These are divorce papers.

We're getting a divorce.

Here.

T- T-t-this is ludicrous,

Becky... Ludicrous.

We're happily married.

Well...

...let me figure out a way

to force you into it...

...and I'll get back to you.

#Oh, no... #

Whooo!

#I heard you cry... #

Gwen?

Gwen?

Gwen:

This is the little girls' room.

Hey, it's me.

I'm not feeling too good.

Yeah?

I love you.

If I was going to college, um...

I'd want to go single.

Gwen...

...you're saying some pretty

hard things to me right now.

I want to take a break.

We're married!

We're married, remember?

- We have a cool life together...

- Come on.

I'm sorry.

I think we need to

get a divorce.

#The sky turns gray #

#As we drive away #

#And we still #

#Break and then fall away #

#When the sea... #

Hello, child.

You look lovely tonight.

Don't walk away from me.

I didn't move.

I know.

I can see you better than

you can see yourself.

I'll bring you

some baby oil.

Oh, my seed...

...your aura looks pained...

...but I can bring a smile

to your tortured soul.

I have a surprise for you.

Come, let me

show you the way.

Get a drink.

I'm only 18.

So Jell-O shot?

No!

Show me the surprise.

Oh, want your surprise?

Okay.

Okay, I realize that...

...well, I haven't been

the best father.

I've had this epiphany.

I finally...

finally see the light.

And when you see this surprise,

I think you will understand.

Close your eyes, sweetheart.

Stay right there. Okay?

Okay, open them.

- Surprise!

- Surprise!

We're getting married.

That's not a pony.

Yeah, but I'm gonna ride it

like a racehorse.

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