American Idiots Page #7

- Oh Jeez.

- What?

- Diot.

Really?

Yes, I'm here with the guys.

And put $5 on Duckling.

Okay.

- Are you kidding me?

- Ha ha!

Hey!

You'll get your phone back

with your friend.

The council says you may do

the ritual of the great Tatonka.

And that should take care of everything.

Okay fine.

When do we start?

End of the road at sundown.

And how long is this

gonna take... about?

The ritual of the Tatonka

can take five days.

We don't have five days.

Well, screw this!

Let's just pick him up

- on the way back.

- No no no.

- We're taking him right now.

- Well, fine then!

Really?

Is it really gonna take five days?

I've seen it done in less time.

Is there any way it could

be done in, like...

this ritual... in like an hour?

- It's never been attempted.

- No?

I have seen it done in...

in less time.

It would require all of you

working as one,

and maybe... just maybe you

will please the great spirit.

Okay, that's promising.

- Yeah.

- Know this:

If the spirit is not satisfied,

you are not protected

and the ritual may kill all of you.

What?!

End of the road.

You should start driving.

Let's go, come on!

Do you think

we're gonna make it in time?

Yeah.

- I hope you're right.

- I am right. I'm always right.

- Yeah yeah.

- You know that.

And if not?

Is this the place?

We're in the middle of BFE.

What's BFE again?

Hmm, so that's what

a tepee looks like.

Guys, this looks really creepy.

Where are we?

- I have no idea.

- Oh my God!

- That looks like a...

- Where the hell is this place, huh?

This must be it.

I don't like this.

Me neither.

Let's just do what we need to do

and get the hell outta here.

You four have come

for your friend

who has greatly offended an elder

- and so the tribe.

- Yes, we have.

And you intend to take

the ceremony of the Tatonka?

- Yeah.

- Yes, we do.

- Can we see our friend?

- No.

Follow.

Oh sweet baby Jesus!

I love wheelchair people.

- Kevin.

- Oh my God.

- That looks like it hurts.

- Merry Christmas.

Man, you know,

like when I was a little kid,

I used to play

cowboys and Indians,

I was always an Indian.

- What have you done with him?

- You can see him.

There he is. He's up

on the giant thing and he is fine.

He is in the spirit world.

Hey, Ellen,

you know you and Wyatt should bang

and make uptight Caucasian babies.

Just thought I should tell you that.

I saw it in a vision.

No big deal.

He is so f***ed.

It seems like a bad night

I had in Ibiza.

He committed the disrespect

in the bathroom.

So the journey for your friend

is a muddy disgrace

as the elder felt.

Everybody should get stoned.

And they should

throw rocks at me, man,

in the mud

while I'm wearing this...

Now are you ready

to begin your journey?

Pray the great spirit

smiles upon you.

Sound prehistoric.

Will there be

hors d'oeuvres there?

Maybe some mystery fingers?

Do you think I could get

clubbed by a warrior?

Uncle Kenny!

Follow.

- I don't like this.

- Me neither.

Hey, man, can I have

some more of that soup?

So begins the ceremony

of the Tatonka.

Like my ancestors before me

who have shown me

the gift of the Tatonka,

and those who didn't

show me sh*t

'cause they were kinda d*cks,

I begin this offering.

Oh great spirit,

guide us in this journey.

Yes.

Drink.

What's in this?

'Cause I don't do dark liquor.

It's roofies, dear.

You've done it before.

Drink.

Drink.

Um.

Drink.

Blech.

Drink.

Can I get a straw

and maybe a twist of lemon?

- Huh?

- Drink.

Okay okay.

Good. Good good.

Now the great spirit will

show you the way.

How come you're not drinking?

Not my journey.

I'm glad you think it's funny.

Last time I felt like this,

it was at the "Y"

and when I woke up

I was covered in ham.

Drink.

Do you want to scalp me, man?

Go ahead!

All these people out there,

they're all scalping me.

This girl in Vegas,

she's scalping me.

Scalping me in the ass!

Thank you. That helps.

See your destiny?

I see myself.

Pigtails, cute little gingham skirt,

lollipops.

Teasing all the football players

from the sideline,

showing my little b-bubble ass,

and then the whole entire team

will jerk jizz all over their cleats

right there

on the 50-yard line.

I am a dynamo!

Drink.

Mmm, I'm in a white forest.

But I'm hanging from a tree,

upside down like a bat,

like a big black bat.

And my tongue is licking

the snow again

and again!

What does it mean?

It means you're insane.

I thought it was cool.

Drink.

Man, you guys got

the raw end of the deal, man.

Yes, we know.

White people are d*cks!

And I can say that

because I'm white.

Drink.

Oh man.

I don't even care

if we get there right now.

I just wanna

stay here

with the twigs and the spit.

Ellen, what's your vision?

Oh no no, I'm not... not telling.

What?

Don't tell.

- No.

- Come on.

This is just for me.

I wanna go see the fire.

- Come on, come on, come on!

- Okay.

Come on, give me your hand.

Wyatt!

We're leaving now.

Wyatt!

We're leaving.

Where are you?

Are we dead?

I wish we were.

We have to get to Vegas!

Oh my God,

- we have to get to the wedding.

- Where's the RV?

- What about Kevin and the others?

- F***!

We have to get

to f***ing Vegas!

The wedding... f***.

We're gonna miss everything.

- Well, you're not helping.

- Try dancing or something.

Really?

Come on, who doesn't

pick up a chick

in a leather two-piece?

I thought you were gonna show me

how to get it done?

Well, why don't you go

and bury yourself in the sand?

Well, here comes somebody now.

You wanna actually

get in that car?

Why don't you go check for me?

Oh man, we really need a ride.

Uh, where are you guys going?

Uh, we're trying

to get to Vegas. Vegas.

We're going to Buffalo Bill's.

You guys can hop in.

- Yeah.

- You gotta bring that little...

that little Shirley Temple-

looking thing with you.

Oh yeah, totally. You can...

whatever you want. You can have her.

- Yeah.

- Get in.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

- All righty, partay.

- Whew.

Thank you.

...on Friday,

August 12th at 2:00 p.m.

All you gotta do is call

the studio between the hours

of 8:
00 and 10:00 p.m.

Pacific Standard Time...

I'm not sure we should have

left the others.

Oh, don't worry.

We'll be fine.

What's the worst that

could happen, right?

...a lot of discussion on the table

about what they're gonna do

to expand the runway.

Let me tell you...

last week, we had...

Y'all must be getting hot and sweaty

with all that leather down there.

You guys want some beer?

We got a bunch of that sh*t right here.

- Oh, boo boo.

- Thank you. I am so thirsty right now.

- Yoo! Thank you.

- No problem.

But they're kinda hot, though, man.

Whoo, hot damn!

- Yeah!

- Oh yeah.

This is a song we made

so much sweet love to,

you can't even imagine it.

- Ugh.

- Had plenty of practice with this boy.

Hey now.

- Oh, y'all want a joint?

- Puff puff pass.

- No, I'm good.

- No thanks.

I... I had quite a night last night.

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