American Idiots Page #8

More for us to smoke and to drive.

What are y'all supposed to be, anyways?

Sonny and Cher?

- Who are they?

- Are you kidding with me?

Who is Sonny and Cher? I should come

back there and kick your f***ing ass.

Smoking and driving is funning.

Yeah, you sure

that's the best idea?

- You want me to drive your car, man?

- Hey, I pride myself

on how we done got it ourselves.

This guy

at a gas station...

he left it.

And the next thing you know,

me and the lady here

hopped right in, boom!

Outta there.

You stole this car

or it's your car?

I didn't steal sh*t, man.

I didn't steal a damn thing.

I settled into these

nice leather seats.

- Yeah, these things got seat warmers.

- Yeah.

This thing has the coolest.

Star-Trekking

motherfucking gadget

button-pushing thing

in front here.

You press a button, it talks.

It says a bunch of sh*t to you.

I call him Carl.

I say to Carl...

I say, "Carl,

where are we going?"

And he starts yippering

and yappering. Like watch.

Carl, how far to Buffalo Bill's?

100 miles.

Isn't that cool?

Man, I'm gonna get arrested

before I even get to Vegas.

You ain't gonna get arrested.

You ain't gonna get

arrested for anything.

And now we've got that

full back seat back there.

- That's right, we do.

- You have any other sh*t in the trunk

besides your bags?

There might be a goat in the trunk.

A... a goat?

A live goat?

Well, it may not be alive any more.

But it was alive when

we "put it in the trunk."

Yahoo!

All right, all right, hey!

Sonny and Cher!

Yoo-hoo.

Sackajaweenis

and Pocahotness, hey.

Y'all wake up.

Are we at Buffalo Bill's?

Yeah.

We... f***,

we have to get a cab.

Oh no, we brought you

all the way here.

Yeah, the missus here

wanted to see Paris

and there ain't any way

we're actually gonna do that,

so this is as good as it gets.

Oh man!

Are you kidding me?

That's awesome!

- Thanks so much, man.

- Hell yeah!

Oh f***.

Oh yeah, there was... sorry.

We hit a lot of bumps

on the way here.

Your titty must have

just popped right out.

- Really?!

- Yeah, really.

Totally totally.

Hey, you guys have

a nice wedding, all right?

Yep, thanks, man.

- Thanks a lot.

- No problem.

Okay, you gotta get in the shower

because we're gonna be late.

But I still need to go

get a suit though.

No you don't.

When did you guys get here?

Oh no, not... not...

like how long... like an hour!

Where the hell

have you been, huh?

Hey, I finally made it.

Yeah, long story, but I look great.

How's it going over there?

Oh good!

All right, good luck. See you soon!

Gotta go to the wedding!

Toodle-loo, lady!

See you there.

Good luck, Wyatt!

Buh-bye!

Bye.

- You're not coming down to the bar?

- No.

I need to talk to Wyatt.

That's my girl!

I'm so hot in this suit.

Too hot!

Too hot... why am I so hot

- in this suit? Sexy.

- Hey, get out of here.

You heard the lady.

Come on, move it, huh?

You see this, right?

I'm not the only one.

- Oh, good-looking dude.

- Oh, get out of here with that.

Hey, no hooking up

in the shower, all right?

Where is everybody?

Hey, what are you doing here?

Wait a minute...

wait wait, I can't do that.

Um...

I'm about to go break up

a wedding and I can't do that.

I've loved you practically all my life

and I can't live a lie anymore.

What do you expect me

to say to that?

Just say how you feel.

At least then I'll know the truth.

I do, I love you so much,

but I love you

as a friend, you know?

That's not enough.

It was a great trip

and a fun ride over the years.

Take care of yourself, okay?

Wait.

I need you now more than ever.

I've heard that before.

I just... I wish you meant it.

You pull me in, I pull away.

And you ask why

I don't stay longer...

Hey, what can I get you, buddy?

- A shot of Jack.

- You got it.

What took you so damn long?

- She's gone.

- Who?

Ellen.

She told me she loved me

and I rejected her.

Idiot. You two are

meant for each other.

Why didn't you

tell me this before?

I could have used

this information, you know?

Would you have listened?

We drove all the way out here

hoping that this whole thing

would come to a head finally.

- No pun intended.

- All I know

is I came out here

to break up a wedding,

and that's exactly

what I intend to do.

You're sure that's

what you want to do?

Yes.

Then break a leg.

Yes.

You're saying words

I want to hear...

Y'all may be seated.

First off,

I'd like to say congratulations

to Billy and Katie.

This guy must have a huge cock,

because he's as ugly as sin.

I'd like to say thank you

to the parents,

family members and friends

for being here today.

We've all come together

for one common thing:

The love these two individuals

have for one another.

It's been called

life's greatest adventure.

Marriage.

"What is marriage?"

Might you ask.

It has but one meaning.

To share the rest

of your lives together.

At one time

you were given life individually.

Now...

you're coming together

as one.

Before we embark

on this miracle

I must ask

if there's anyone here

who objects to this marriage?

What's he waiting for?

You're coming together!

Uh-oh.

Look who's here.

Let us call now

on Psalm number three...

I object.

- You've gotta be kidding me.

- No way.

Wyatt!

What are you doing here?

I never thought I'd see you again.

Thattaboy.

Young man, is there something

you wanted to say?

Katie, when you find

someone special

that loves you for who you are,

someone who can get behind you

when things get a little confusing,

you know, like they've been lately,

a friend...

Wyatt, I haven't stopped

thinking about you since I left.

I knew that I made

a mistake and...

I was doing it for all

the wrong reasons.

I thought I'd know what

to say in this moment,

I mean, I've been thinking about it

a lot over the last few days

and... I don't know,

I guess something feels different.

I mean, here I am down here

and you're up there

and I wanted so badly to be...

up there.

And that's why I came.

To stop this and to show you that

we're meant to be together.

Oh, Wyatt, I...

I love you.

I can't believe you came for me.

But when I started practicing and saying

all the things I was going to say,

I realized it doesn't fit.

- But...

- The person in my head

wasn't you at all.

She just ran out the door.

I'm sorry.

This was wrong.

I'm sorry.

- What?

- Wyatt, you f***ing a**hole!

How could you do this to her?

How could you do this to me?

Ellen!

C'mere.

I stood up at the wedding

and I couldn't do it.

- All I could think about was you.

- So you ruined her wedding?

Well, it was worth it, I think.

- You think?

- Well, it depends on how you respond.

- How should I respond?

- Um...

"I love you"

would do the trick.

I just... I don't throw

that word around loosely.

Not the reaction

you were hoping for?

- Not exactly.

- Well,

maybe if you say it to me,

I might say it back.

I love you so much.

I love you too.

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