Amigo Undead Page #3

and I've got a wife

and two kids to think about.

Okay. You're being ridiculous,

they'll do an autopsy and figure it out.

Oh, well, you know, maybe in

Los Angeles, Kevin.

But out here in the sticks,

they're gonna lock you up

and throw away the key

for a hell of a lot less.

Okay. And what are you suggesting?

I'd say we just bury him

right here right now.

I mean, it's Norm's land.

No one's ever gonna find out.

You can't be serious.

What about his family?

What if the cops come looking for him?

Well, Jovan didn't have a wife or kids

and as far as the cops go,

he was undocumented.

I mean technically on paper,

he was non-existent,

if you know what I mean.

I'm really his only family,

so I guess it's my decision.

That's right, Norm.

You were like

his brother and so what

would he have wanted

to be buried by some

undertaker in a cemetery

while his friends went

to jail for some crime

they didn't commit

or would he have liked

to have been buried by us on your land

while we celebrate his life

and honored his achievements.

No. We can't do that.

We need to tell someone.

We need to make this official.

Look, Jovan was my friend

and we all know this was an accident

and I don't think he'd wanna put

us through a bunch of trouble.

Plus he really liked it out here.

It just seems like

the right thing to do.

I can't believe I'm hearing this.

Hearing what?

I don't hear anything.

Boy, you know, I didn't know an Asian

could be so lazy.

I'm not lazy.

I'm a conscientious objector.

I need a break.

I'm starting to feel

a little lightheaded.

I think my diabetes is acting up.

Oh, no.

What do we do?

I'll be all right.

I just...

I think I need some more orange juice

or maybe a candy bar and some rest.

Okay. Just rest.

Thanks.

This feels so wrong.

I... I've never done this before.

Is this deep enough?

I mean,

are animals gonna dig

him up or something?

No.

No, I think we're good.

Well.

There's no need to do this anymore.

What was that for?

Well, I don't know, I mean,

I'm sure Jovan was a nice guy

but you can't be too careful, you know.

You are a terrible, terrible person.

What?

I'm not racist or anything.

I'm just being precautious.

Okay. You're not racist, huh?

Well, maybe we can finally address

the shirt you're wearing?

Oh, this? Oh, so,

I can't be proud of my heritage?

So, Kevin, you could

have a shirt that says

proud to be Asian or a...

Or a black guy could have a shirt

that says proud to be black

but suddenly this throws

everything into question.

That feels like a double standard.

No. If you look in the mirror...

Hey, guys, we should do this.

He's starting to smell like poop.

And I hear when you die you make

a whole bunch of turds in your jeans.

All right. That's enough of that talk.

Let's do this.

Amen.

Amen.

All right.

What are we gonna do now?

Hey, I got some "mad libs" in my bag.

Oh, come on you guys.

I mean, Norm, it's your birthday,

you know, we should have some fun.

I don't know. I just don't really

feel like celebrating anymore.

Yeah. That's an understatement.

I don't know about you guys,

but that's the first time

I ever buried a body.

Oh, it was an accident.

He choked.

It was nobody's fault.

Guys, I think we need to move on.

I have to take a leak.

Hey, why don't we tell ghosts stories?

Norm, do you remember

that story you told me

in Yosemite about the mime?

Yeah.

Oh, come on.

This isn't just about you.

I mean, yes, it's your

birthday, but I mean,

I only get one week every

six months to be away

from my family and damn it,

I intend to have a good time.

Hey, I saw someone

walking around out there.

Huh?

I think I saw someone

walking around out there.

He's lost or something maybe.

Are you sure? Maybe

it was just an animal.

Yeah. It was just an animal.

No, it was a human being.

What did he look like?

Shirt, pants.

Sounds like someone has been smoking

a little too much grass.

Hey, if he needs some more,

tell him to talk to me.

Who goes there?

Oh, maybe it's that guy

that was walking around.

Did you really see somebody or not?

Yes! I mean, I think.

We'll, if there's someone out there.

I got the gun.

Jesus, Wayne, you're

gonna kill somebody now?

Well, I don't think

I have much of a choice.

You a**holes nobody's

killing anybody, all right?

It's probably just the coyote.

Let's split up and check.

Okay. Wayne and Ian you go east.

That's north.

Kevin and I will go the other way.

If you see anything just yell.

Copy.

- It's that way.

- Thank you.

Hello?

Is there anybody out here?

Hey, so, what's the deal with Wayne?

Why do you hang out with that guy?

Oh, Wayne, yeah.

We've been hanging out for a while

and he seemed like an all right guy

and then one day he

started spouting on this

white pride crap and...

I think he was hoping I'd be

on the same page and I just didn't have

the heart to tell him.

That you're not a racist?

The fishing trips are awesome.

He pays for everything.

Well, that's great, Norm.

Hang out with the gun toting bigot

for the free fishing trips.

Sounds like you're really

moving up in life.

Yeah, whatever, man.

You make him sound like Hitler.

He's just a little behind the times.

Well, there's nothing out here.

Can we go now?

That's weird.

I've never seen that before.

Looks Egyptian.

Yeah, Norm, it's Egyptian.

Look at that one, that can't be good.

And this is all Indian, man,

a couple of hundred years ago.

I'm sure that stuff

is all over the place.

Can we go?

Do you think we buried Jovan

in a sacred Indian burial ground

and now he's gonna

come back and kill us?

No, really. Maybe that's who Ian

saw walking around.

All right. It was

a stupid thought, sorry.

Stop looking at me like that.

Oh, okay. You put me in my place,

I'm an idiot.

Okay. Kevin, I wanna kill myself now.

What a woman.

Hey, guys! I think I found something.

Jesus, Ian!

Seriously. I think it's a pog.

Remember pogs?

We didn't find anything.

Yeah, neither did we.

Well, we should probably head back,

it's getting dark as sh*t out

and I wanna put a couple of

finishing touches on my camp.

Hey, maybe it's just me

but I'm a little creeped out.

Maybe we should sleep

in the cars tonight.

Fine! Now, you guys go

sleep in your cars,

I'm going camping.

You know, I brought some yummy steaks

to put on the fire, some s'mores,

you gay-wads can do whatever you want.

I don't need you.

Behind the times, huh?

Let's just go back.

Hey, Norm.

Maybe I should head home now.

Oh, come on, man.

It's been a long day

and I know you're upset,

but it's a really long drive.

Just stay tonight and I'll promise

things will be better tomorrow.

Yeah, somehow, I doubt that.

How come your brother

seems not very nice?

Oh, don't take it personally.

It's not about you.

He's just pissed at me.

Why?

I don't know, something about

when our parents died.

Did you kill them?

What? No.

I was having a bad acid trip and

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