Amigo Undead Page #4

I called them freaking out.

This was years ago.

They didn't know what was going on

until they came out to help me

in the middle of the night.

It was raining and they got in

a bad car wreck and died.

Whoa.

I didn't tell Kevin at first

and he just thought they were coming out

to visit me and then he found out

the whole story a few years later

and he was pretty upset.

I think he blames me for what happened.

But whatever, man, it's not my fault.

You know what I mean?

Oh, no. It's sounds

like it was your fault.

I'd probably blame you too.

Gee, thanks.

Maybe you should quit drugs.

Yeah, look who's talking.

What's that movie got

to do with anything?

Hmm.

Well, at least these

steaks sure are tasty.

They're all tender and delicious.

Grass fed.

Well, I'm having a blast

out here, camping.

Yup, not worried about any kind of weird

growl coming out the woods.

I'm good.

I'm having a good time.

Oh, f***!

F***! F***!

Jovan?

We thought you were dead.

Jovan, what's gotten into you man?

Ugh.

Whoa. F***!

Oh, my God.

Get him off.

That's enough.

All right. You're gonna get off him

and we're gonna discuss

this like civilized men.

Comprende, amigo?

Are you out of your mind?

He was still alive

and now you killed him.

I did a warning shot thing.

This was self-defense.

Are you all right?

Yeah, I think so.

He's not breathing.

I think he's dead for real this time.

What the hell are we gonna do?

That wasn't Jovan.

He was acting all crazy.

That wasn't him.

Or maybe he was mad

because we buried him alive.

Honestly, I don't see

how this changes anything.

You don't think this changes anything?

Now that you've officially

murdered a man

and we're all your

unwilling accomplices?

I say we just put him back where he was.

The hole's already dug.

I don't get it.

We took his pulse, we buried him.

He was dead as a doornail.

Well, obviously he wasn't.

I knew I shouldn't have

gone along with this.

But you did.

What?

Well, it's gonna be okay,

we'd buried him before.

Back when it seemed like

it was inconvenience

to deal with the police

and all sort of stuff.

I'm just saying.

- You a**hole!

- No. No. Come on. Come on.

- Knock it off.

- Guys. Guys.

I think this is the guy

I saw walking around earlier.

Did you guys figure that out?

You probably knew that already, yeah?

I'm going to the police.

Kevin.

I'm warning you, step away from the car.

Whoa, whoa. What the f*** is going on?

Now, you're gonna shoot me?

Wayne, this is insane.

I got to do what I got to do, okay?

I don't wanna go to jail.

I got a wife and two kids.

Wayne, just put the gun down.

What the f***!

Start the engine.

Start the engine.

Get the f*** out of here!

Go! Get the f*** out of here!

- Oh, my God.

- Oh, my God.

It's got to be bath salts,

that's why he was acting like that.

I'm pretty sure bath salts

make you crazy not bullet proof.

Well, then maybe it was PCP.

I saw this thing on the history channel

where they did government experiments

in Vietnam and they act like that,

like superhuman or something.

Oh, come on, Kevin.

Where would Jovan get PCP?

I don't know. From Ian, I don't know.

You're ignoring reality.

His eyes looked like Darth maul.

Yeah, and that supernatural shriek?

Fellas, we're not dealing

with a corporeal entity.

Oh, no. We're running out of gas.

Oh, come on, Kevin.

Don't you check

that sort of thing before

you go out the desert?

If I hadn't I burned

through a whole tank

trying to find Norm's place

we can be fine.

It's all right.

I have a plan.

For the first time in your life?

This ought to be good.

Just pull over up here.

I don't have PCP.

What are you doing?

I'm getting rid of all my drugs

and all my drug sh*t

I don't wanna be the dumb ass drug guy

in a horror movie, know what I mean?

Hey, I know I'm in the minority here,

but I have appreciated

not being implicated

in any more crimes tonight.

We don't have time

to debate this, Kevin.

Everything we need to protect

ourselves is right in there.

Oh, why don't we just get

gas and keep driving?

Boring!

Uh-oh.

Great, just great.

What did you expect would happen?

I don't know.

What did you do, Ian?

I don't know.

Dish soap, paper towels,

what are you gonna do,

clean him to death?

What are you gonna do,

clean him to death?

I think it's perfectly

obvious what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna set up a gauntlet

of minor annoyances

to bombard his senses

like in "home alone."

Then, when he's like

significantly disoriented,

we'll tie him up

and take him to a priest or a rabbi

and they'll exorcise whatever is in him.

Exercise?

Like John Basedow?

No, f*** that, this isn't "home alone,"

this is "predator."

We should be out sharpening

Spears, hanging boulders,

stuff that'll kick this guy's ass.

Yeah, I'm still trying

to forget the fact

that you wanted to shoot me an hour ago.

Oh, you really blown

that out of proportion.

I think you'll need to move on.

Fine, Wayne, you do your

thing and we'll do ours.

Oh, bleach.

He's here, he's here, over.

Well, is there any

doubt in anyone's mind

we're dealing with a supernatural being?

That answers the question.

Do you think he's

telling us to be afraid?

I think he wants us to buzz off.

Do you think that he likes

to watch game shows

for the part when people buzz in?

All right. Everyone get to your posts.

- Hello.

- What are you doing?

Be quiet.

Yo, Kevin. This is Finn, bro,

you know, the guy that you hit

the other day with your car.

Yeah, this is kind of bad time.

Yeah, well, then

I make it quick, all right.

Listen, my mechanic took

a look at my car,

apparently, there's some pretty serious

internal damage, dude.

Basically, it's this, we

gotta scrap the whole car.

I know it's f***ing crazy, right?

I can't deal with this right now.

Okay. Bye.

Hey, should I call you tomorrow then?

Yeah, sure, whatever.

I'm so sorry.

I don't know why I picked that up,

I should really turn this thing off.

Shh.

He's about to encounter

the first stratagem.

It's all right, it's all right,

it's the first of many.

Oh, man, I thought that

was gonna be a good one.

I don't think this is working, Norm.

You're up, Ian, he's headed

over to sector B, over.

You idiot, you used a plastic bottle?

Does that matter?

Never mind, onto phase two.

Copy.

Hey, over here you horse's ass,

come and get me.

Let's go, move, move.

Take one, take one.

Give me that.

Ready?

Now, go, go, spin him up,

wrap him, spin him, yeah.

Oh. F***.

Jovan, it's me the Duke, don't kill me.

Hey, the hot dog!

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

What the f***?

Ahhh!

Yeah!

Ahhh!

Not taking any chances this time.

Don't mess with the best

because the best don't mess.

Hells, yeah!

Yeah! Yeah.

Yeah!

Whoo!

Whoo!

Oh! Well, no offense youngsters

but like I always say,

never send boys to do a man's job.

You don't say that.

Yeah, I do. I say it all the time.

I must have said it a couple

times since we got here.

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