Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy Page #4

let"s take the bass line for a walk.

Hold on.

L"m not hearing it right. Hold on.

- We got it now. It"s all right.

- Fire up, Ronnie!

Little Ham and Eggs coming at you.

Hope you got your griddles.

That"s baby-making music,

that's what that is.

Let's go!

Hey, Aqualung!

Thank you.

Thank you!

- You were amazing.

- Thank you.

Where did you learn to play like that?

Well, jazz flute has always

been a small passion of mine.

So what other passions

do you have, Mr. Burgundy?

Well, I have one great passion that...

That lives deep within my loins,

like a flaming golden hawk.

To one day become a network anchor.

Well, believe it or not,

we share the same dream.

I too want to be a network anchor.

God, you are so beautiful.

We really should be going.

I swore that I would never

get involved with a coworker.

Wait.

What if, just for tonight,

we weren't coworkers?

We were co-people?

I don't...

You be a woman. I'll be a man.

That's all.

You continue

to surprise me, Mr. Burgundy.

Oh, I'm storming your castle

on my steed, milady.

Wait, stop. Stop talking like that.

- I can't understand you.

- Sorry.

Take me to Pleasure Town!

Oh, we're going there!

I frigging love you!

I frigging love you back!

Look! The most glorious rainbow ever!

Oh, do me on it!

Well done, sir.

Tip of the cap to you

as well, Miss Corningstone.

I'm having very strong feelings

for you, Mr. Burgundy.

But it's very important to me

that I be viewed as a professional.

Right.

When in Rome.

Yeah.

That expression doesn't really apply

to what I'm talking about.

What I was saying.

I still don't quite understand

what it means.

Oh, no. You'll find it.

No, I was saying that,

if we continue seeing each other,

that we should keep it relatively quiet

around the station.

Absolutely, my wild love tigress.

Tasteful discretion

is the name of the game.

Veronica Corningstone and I had sex,

and now we are in love!

Did I say that loud?

Yeah, you pretty much yelled it.

Well, I can't help it. It's fantastic!

- What's it like, Ron?

- The intimate times?

Outta sight, my man!

No. The other thing.

- Love.

- Yeah. What is that?

Well, it's tough to explain.

- I think I was in love once.

- Really, what was her name?

I don't remember.

That's not a good start, but keep going.

She was Brazilian.

Or Chinese, or something weird.

I met her in the bathroom of a Kmart,

and we made out for hours.

Then we parted ways,

never to see each other again.

- I'm pretty sure that's not love.

- Damn it!

I love

carpet.

I love desk.

Are you just looking at things in the

office and saying you love them?

I love lamp.

Do you really love the lamp,

or are you saying it because you saw it?

I love lamp! I love lamp.

You really want to know what love is?

- Yeah.

- Yes, tell us.

More than anything in the world.

Well, it's really quite simple.

It's kind of like...

Gonna find my baby

Gonna hold her tight

Gonna grab some afternoon delight

My motto"s always been

When it"s right, it"s right

Why wait

until the middle of a cold, dark night

When everything"s a little clearer

in the light of day

And we know the night

is always gonna be there anyway

Thinking of you"s

working up my appetite

Looking forward

to a little afternoon delight

Rubbing sticks and stones together

make the sparks ignite

And the thought of loving you

is getting so exciting

Sky rockets in flight

Afternoon delight

You guys have it, I think.

Afternoon delight

I don't know, Ron.

That sounds kind of crazy.

Sounds like

you have mental problems, man.

- Yeah, you got mental problems, man.

- Yeah, he really does.

Man.

Afternoon delight

- Wanna make a phone call.

- Freshen this up.

Oh, look out.

Next up, it"s Whiskerus Maximus.

He"s ready to do battle in the arena

against the tiniest lion

you"ve ever imagined.

I'm getting some great stuff,

Miss Corningstone.

Shut up.

Oh, I hate cats.

Let's just do my sign-off

and get out of here.

It was quite a show down here

at the Pet Shack.

Just for today,

fashion curiosity did not kill the cat.

I'm Veronica Corningstone

for Channel 4 News.

That was our newest reporter,

Veronica Corningstone.

She's really great.

I'd also like to share with you

that we are currently dating

and that she is quite a handful

in the bedroom.

That's gonna do it

for all of us here at 6:00.

For the Channel 4 News Team,

I'm Ron Burgundy.

You stay classy, San Diego.

All clear.

I might be in trouble on that one.

I can't believe that you said

that we were dating on the air.

That is good fondue.

Don't you get it, Ron?

I wanna be an anchor.

That is never gonna happen

if everyone in San Diego

thinks that I'm your bimbo gal pal.

I don't know what to say.

I just... I got excited.

I just wanted to shout it

from on top of a mountain.

But I didn't have a mountain.

I had a newsroom and a camera.

Look. I report the news.

That's what I do.

And today's top story,

in Ron Burgundy's world,

read something like this,

I love Veronica Corningstone.

Oh, Ron.

This is nice, gang, sitting here.

- Oh, yeah.

- Brown bagging it.

The team pancake breakfast

is tomorrow morning at 9:00

instead of 8:
00.

Oh! Almost forgot.

I won't be able to make it, fellas.

Veronica and I are trying

this new fad called jogging.

I believe it's jogging or yogging.

It might be a soft "J."

I'm not sure,

but apparently you just run

for an extended period of time.

- It's supposed to be wild.

- So Ron's not coming?

No, Ron's coming.

It's the pancake breakfast.

We do it every month.

I realize that.

Sometimes you gotta look yourself in

the mirror and say, "When in Rome."

The bottom line is,

you've been spending a lot of time

with this lady.

You're a member

of the Channel 4 News Team.

- That's a given.

- We need you.

Hell, I need you.

I'm a mess without you.

I miss you so damn much.

I miss being with you.

I miss being near you.

I miss your laugh.

I miss your scent. I miss your musk.

When this all gets sorted out,

I think you and me should get

an apartment together.

Just take it easy, Champ.

Why don't you stop talking for a while?

Maybe sit the next couple of plays out.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, I'm gonna quit saying things

when they crop up in the old skull, huh?

See what it's like when you're not here?

You're our leader.

Look what you're doing to the group.

Champ's been a mess.

Brick can't sleep at night.

Here's the thing, I don't trust this chick.

We need you around,

and she is just using you.

Everyone, just relax. All right?

Believe me, if there's one thing

Ron Burgundy knows, it's women.

Okay, and Veronica Corningstone,

she's just...

She's just dying to quit her job

so that she can take care of me

and have babies.

Hey, gang.

Papa's home.

Oh, honey. I am so glad you're home.

My alabaster doll.

Gentlemen.

You look great. No eye contact!

Oh, darling.

I've spent all day cleaning your Emmys

and preparing dinner in the nude.

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