Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy Page #5

Oh, let's make whoopie.

And then I'm going to go drinking

with the news team for two days.

Wonderful. Wonderful!

Bite it! Bite it!

- Oh, yes!

- Oh, yeah!

- You are a bad boy.

- I'm bad.

- I need to go to the principal's office.

- I love my life.

I don't know, Ron.

Guess what? I do.

I know that one day,

Veronica and I are gonna get married

on top of a mountain.

And there's going to be flutes playing

and trombones and flowers

and garlands of fresh herbs.

And we will dance till the sun rises.

And then our children

will form a family band.

And we will tour the countryside,

and you won't be invited!

I'm telling you, this lady has really

crawled into Ron's head.

Good. Good one!

Oh, okay. I understand.

You have a nice day, sir. Bye.

I could come back later, Mr. Harken.

No, no, no. It's just parent stuff.

It seems that our youngest, Chris,

was on something called acid

and was firing a bow and arrow

into a crowd.

- You know how kids are.

- Right.

Anyhoo, what can I do you for?

Well, Mr. Harken, I feel like

I have proven myself as a journalist

and that I deserve the opportunity

to take on more challenging stories.

Well, ask and you shall receive.

Yes, this just came across my desk.

Here is a story of a 103-year-old woman

who claims to have a recipe

for the world's greatest meat loaf.

Now that's a hot lead.

It was very hard for Veronica.

But she was a pro and hung tough.

But soon, with a simple act of littering,

everyone"s life would change forever.

Baxter, you are my little gentleman

l"ll take you to foggy London Town

Because you are what

My little gentleman

This burrito is delicious, but it is filling.

Antony and Cleopatra!

Goddamn son of...

What the hell, bro?

Hello, neighbor.

Did you just throw

a burrito out your window?

I believe I did.

Are you high or something?

Did you see what happened?

I did. That was a terrific little spill.

That's quite a raspberry.

That's my chopper

you just thrashed, Broseph.

Easy, compadre.

I'm your friend out here, all right?

I want you to fix my chopper

before I stomp your gooty ass!

If you want to throw down, fine.

I've got Jack Johnson and Tom O'Leary

waiting for you.

You destroyed the only thing I love.

All right? There it is. What do you love?

I love poetry. And a glass of Scotch.

And, of course, my friend Baxter here.

Well, guess what.

Now this is happening.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

What are you doing?

That's how I roll.

Baxter!

No!

- Where the hell is he?

- He'll be here.

- I thought he was Mr. Dependable.

- It's not like Ron.

I'd put Brick on, but unless he's

tracking a storm front, he's useless.

- Excuse me, gentlemen.

- Oh. Hello.

Just want you to know if Ron does not

show up, I am ready to go on.

You and I have had this discussion

a million times.

There's never been a woman anchor.

Mr. Harken, this city needs its news.

You're gonna deprive them of that

because I have breasts?

Exquisite breasts?

I am gonna go on,

and if you want to stop me, bring it on.

Because I am good at three things,

fighting, screwing

and reading the news.

I've already done one of those today,

so what's the other one gonna be?

Screwing?

I will be in makeup.

Jesus, she's territying!

Fantana.

- Ron, are you okay?

- The man punted Baxter!

Calm down. Breathe, Ron, breathe.

- The man that loved the motorcycle!

- What did the bad man do?

The motorcycle on the bridge!

I hit him with a burrito!

- Ron!

- He took him!

He took him with his foot

and he kicked him!

That's what he did!

Someone punted him?

No, wait. Wait. Let me say something.

Let me say something.

What?

I didn't understand one word you said.

Ron, are you okay? Ron?

Ron. Where are you?

I'm in a glass case of emotion!

He's gonna put Corningstone on.

He's gonna put Corningstone on!

I've got to do the news!

You're not Ron.

We're on in 10. Good luck, lady.

Ready the announce.

- Power.

- Roll in.

Power. Power.

One slip, and you're gone.

Whammy.

And your reporter

in the field, Brian Fantana.

It"s Channel 4 News at 6:00.

Good evening.

Ron Burgundy is off tonight.

I'm Veronica Corningstone.

Tonight's top story...

- Okay, we're off and running.

- Three armed men wearing ski masks

made off with over $20,000

from an area bank

in a daring early morning robbery.

Hey!

And the winner of the frog-leaping

contest was Hoppy,

with a jump of 7 feet, 10 inches.

I used to date a guy named Hoppy down

in Alabama. He was quite a jumper, too.

That will do it for us at 6:00.

From all of us here at Channel 4 News,

I'm Veronica Corningstone.

And thanks for stopping by, San Diego.

All clear!

Yes! Yes!

Lady! Lady!

Not bad, Miss Corningstone.

Not bad at all.

Thank you, Mr. Harken. That felt good.

- That felt really good.

- I liked your sign-off line, too.

You did? It just came through me.

It was so organic.

Thank you.

Oh, Ron! Ron! Ron, darling!

I'm so glad you're all right. Oh, God.

I have something magnificent to tell you.

I'm here. We can do the news now.

It's all right, everyone!

We can do the news. Hold on.

Why are we all standing around?

Let's go!

Ron, we did it. Veronica filled in for you.

What?

Sweetheart,

we were so worried about you,

and we waited

as long as we could, but...

Darling, I did the news,

and I nailed it. I nailed it.

Wait, wait! Veronica, please,

tell me this is some kind of sick,

tasteless joke.

You weren't here.

Why are you being this way?

Why can't you be proud of me

as a peer and as my gentleman lover?

Oh, jeez.

I can't believe you did this to me!

You read my news!

I told you that I wanted to be an anchor.

I told you that.

I thought you were kidding!

I thought it was a joke!

I even wrote it down in my diary!

"Veronica had a very funny joke today."

- I laughed at it later that night!

- I can't believe that I cared for you.

Get out! Just go!

We are through! Through!

Because of your actions,

you scorpion woman!

You have broken my heart,

Mr. Burgundy.

You have broken my heart.

From there on out,

things just got worse for Ron Burgundy.

Corningstone was a star,

and everything started to move

awfully fast after her big break.

Where's lan? Lan!

All right, I got a call from network.

It looks like our broadcast last night

received a two-point ratings boost,

and the decision has been passed down

to make Veronica our co-anchor.

- What?

- No. No!

No!

- No!

- No!

- No!

- This is wonderful.

Ed, come here, you big silly man.

You big silly man.

- We did it.

- What is this, amateur hour?

- That's great.

- Thank you.

Damn it!

What Brian didn't tell you was

that those were not real pirates.

- They looked convincing, though.

- Oh, yes.

Well, for all of us here

at Channel 4 News, I'm Ron Burgundy.

You stay classy, San Diego.

And thanks for stopping by.

But mainly stay classy.

- Thanks for stopping by.

- Stay classy, I'm Ron Burgundy.

- Thanks for stopping by.

- Stay classy.

Ron Burgundy.

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