Anger Management Page #4

bringing a shrink to work...

...you whipping eggs at people.

I don't know.

You must never be ashamed that you

sought help for yourself, Dave.

It's not a weakness.

I mean, l gotta be there by 9:00.

I don't think we'll make it on time.

You're not even dressed.

The Talmud says:

"Wherever you look...

...there's something to be seen."

Look, Dave.

-What exactly was that all about?

-What?

You just ran through a red light.

Are you trying to get us both killed?

I'm a little flustered right now.

I have to be to work in eight minutes.

Flustered?

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa, man!

-Holy sh*t! What are you doing?

-I need you to unfluster.

My boss is going to go nuts on me

if we're late, so please?

We will proceed when you

are centered.

I'm centered, l'm centered.

There's 1 0,000 people behind us.

Let's go, crazy man.

What is that? ls that good?

We're going to sing a song.

No. I don't want to sing a song.

I want to go to.... I've gotta go.

Here we go.

The magic of Leonard Bernstein

and Stephen Sondheim's...

... West Side Story.

"l Feel Pretty."

Get this moving.

What the hell's your problem?

Shut your pie-hole!

We're working here!

Wow. Sorry.

Move your ass, dipshit!

Burn in hell!

Yes!

You feel stunning.

And entrancing.

You're late.

Yes. There was a little bit

of a tie up on the bridge.

I didn't ask for a traffic report.

You're always late.

Now is the first time l've been late.

But you're right. I'm sorry.

May l interject?

You were about to say something else

before you said, "l'm sorry."

We mustn't absorb and repress.

-Who's this?

-I'm his anger management therapist.

You're in anger management?

Temporarily, yeah.

Do you remember the flight

to St. Louis...

...that l was on when they had to

turn the plane around?

Yeah, yeah. Because of that unruly

passenger in coach.

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

He doesn't like people

touching his clubs.

Well, that unruly passenger was me.

I got arrested at Kennedy. That's why

l didn't make the next flight.

You said your apartment caught fire.

Dissembling is a common tool

of the anger junkie.

Might l have your first name,

Mr. Head? And tell me it isn't Dick.

-It's Frank.

-Fran.

Isn't that normally a girl's name?

What went on on that flight?

To be honest with you,

it was a mix-up. I....

Jibber jabber. Jibber jabbering.

Mumbo jumbo.

Denial. Key, key, key, key, key, key.

Fran, your assistant beat the bejesus

out of a flight attendant.

-I didn't.

-You broke her nose.

I broke the cocktail waitress's nose.

I mean, l accidentally did that.

Dave, you have a disease.

Would you apologize if you

were a diabetic? Of course not.

Why do you feel you have to apologize

because you're suffering from T.A.S.?

T.A.S.?

Toxic Anger Syndrome.

I don't have T.A.S.

He's angry. It's a sickness,

not a crime, Fran.

His name is Frank!

No. I'm sorry.

Clothes for cats

isn't really a new idea...

...but there was never really a line

made for overweight cats...

...who might feel a little

self-conscious...

...about how they look

in certain outfits.

That's why l got the baggy sweater

on him, to cover up his gut.

And the beret to take attention

off his plump head.

Oh, little Meatball.

You tie this up tight...

...and away goes the chin.

I'm so handsome.

-Hey, Dave. This is your office?

-Andrew.

-What are you doing here?

-I played golf with Frank.

He's friends with my dad. We're

members of the same country club.

Really? l've been wanting to play golf

with him a long time.

-Is it awesome there?

-It's nice.

So, anyway, Dave, how's

anger management going?

Who told you about that?

Linda's my best friend.

There's no secrets between us.

For the love of Mike!

This guy's your girl's best friend?

No. I mean, l like to consider myself

her best friend...

...but Andrew is her best friend friend,

if that makes any sense.

You ought to golf yourself.

You look a little stressed out.

I gotta go. Bye.

Well, well, well.

This guy's got quite a basket on him.

Really? l didn't notice that.

Do you really want the love of your life

hanging around with a guy...

...who looks as though he could satisfy

a blue whale?

Well, it's....

I'm doing okay myself, pal.

Maybe it's the way his pants fit him.

What's up?

-This is your young lady?

-That's my Linda.

My, oh, my.

I was toying with the notion

that you were gay...

...because of the kitty-cat clothes,

so forth.

What does she do?

She teaches poetry. Poetry teacher.

I love poetry.

Oh, my, my, my. It's....

Yes, it's a good picture of her.

Well, apparently Dr. Rydell has a

history of unorthodox techniques.

He's got a dozen lawsuits pending.

So it's not just me.

This guy is nuts, isn't he?

Or a genius.

But if you could prove that he's nuts:

audiotape, video, picture, whatever...

...l'll arrange a hearing.

I gotta go. I think he's coming.

Hi, Nancy.

What are you doing

in the ladies' room?

Sorry. I just heard you guys

got cleaner seats than us.

Not after l get through with them.

I don't care for the way you've

ironed my shirts, Dave. Try it again.

-I've been very patient with you.

-Beware the fury of the patient man.

-I'm serious!

-Too serious.

Get undressed.

What did you say?

Take off your clothes.

I've got a stress-reduction technique

to show you.

-It'll be good for you.

-Take off my clothes?

Do you want to see me naked, Buddy?

Are you a homophobe, Dave?

No, l'm a pulling-my-penis-out-

in-front-of-you-a-phobe.

Let's take a walk on the wild side.

-What's up, baby?

-Why are we here?

I'm not a homophobe.

My lawyer's gay. His boyfriend is gay.

And are they all aware

that you despise them?

Looking for company, baby?

No. We're not. Thank you.

It's worth 50 bucks...

...if you get in the back seat with

my friend here and have a little chat.

My pleasure, Mr. Eyebrows.

Oh, boy, here we go.

-Hello.

-Hey. Good to see you.

-What's your name, baby?

-Melvin.

His name is David. Don't dissemble.

I'm not dissembling.

That's my Hebrew name.

I'm Galaxia. That's my German name.

Great.

Where are you from originally,

Hebrew Melvin?

Brooklyn.

What part of Germany

do you hail from?

I'm from a little Bavarian village

called Lickin Zee Dickin.

Care to visit?

Actually, l like to spend

most of my time...

...in Girls Without Wieners-ville.

I'm more comfortable there.

He's just not used to male intimacy.

Well, that's okay, because l'm a lady.

Oops, no, l'm not.

Whoa! There it is.

I feel like dancing. Dancing.

Oh, my God.

What does this have to do

with anger management?

-Oh, are you an angry boy?

-No.

Do you need some discipline?

No, thank you very--

Oh! Hey! Hey, watch that sh*t!

Listen, ladies! Gentleman! Lentleman!

I'm not having sex with a she-male!

Relax!

Galaxia, you may

get out of the car now.

Your services are no longer required.

You know what?

You guys are freaks.

Give me the tape recorder.

Come on.

Patient number 1 35, David Buznik...

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