Angry Angel Page #5

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Who's this?

- I don't know.

Uh...

I feel like

I've seen you before.

- We all know

the rules--all angels.

You cannot communicate

with anyone from your old life.

You know, it confuses

the whole life and death thing

and screws up the system.

Like, if by any chance you run

into someone

from your old life,

you must turn around

without saying a word,

and so that is exactly

what I'm gonna do.

Hi, Patrick.

I'm Allison Pyke.

- How do you know my name?

- I know because...

I'm an angel.

What I mean is, I'm a part

of a New York City

Christmas initiative for locals

to help out-of-towners

get around the city.

I am here to help

and show you the sights.

- Hmm...

[clears throat]

[whispering] Patrick,

remember what your dad

showed us online about

New York City scammers?

She could be trying

to get us into a van,

take us to a secure location,

steal our identities,

charge a bunch of things

on our credit cards,

and then get us

hooked on drugs.

- Sweetie, I think

you've been watching

too many Liam Neeson movies.

- Well, at least

in a Liam Neeson movie,

there'd be someone

protecting us.

Neither of our dads are

in good enough shape

to get revenge.

- Uh, guys, just so you know,

I can hear most

of what you're saying.

- See, this is exactly

why I wanted

to take a direct flight to JFK

instead of trying

to save a buck

on a cheap Internet bus deal.

These bus stations are

like magnets for con artists.

- Guys, look,

I'm not a con artist.

I'm not even a regular artist.

I'm just here to make sure

you have a nice Christmas.

That's my only job.

[hopeful music]

- I think it--

- We appreciate it--

we really do--but we've been

traveling all day, and anyway,

we have the nice people

at the Midtown Travel Suites

to show us around just fine.

Right?

- Siri, call

the Midtown Travel Suites.

[swanky music]

- I'm sorry, but it looks like

your reservation was cancelled.

- What?

- What?

- How can it be cancelled?

We just got here.

- Well, there's a note

right here.

You called, said you wouldn't

be able to stay here

because you had bedbugs,

and the bedbugs are crawling

all over your skin

because you're a gross person

who does gross things.

- That does not sound like her.

- No.

I never made

that phone call, okay?

I am not a gross person.

I've never done gross things.

I've never even passed gas in

front of another human being.

- Can you un-cancel it, please?

Just find us a room.

- We're all booked up.

It's Christmas, you know?

- Oh, my God.

You two again?

What an incredible coincidence.

- Oh, my God, the con artist.

- Is everything okay?

- They don't have a room

for us.

- I am so sorry.

You happen to be in luck.

I know an amazing Airbnb.

My boss, Connie's, place--

Upper West Side.

- Really?

'Cause that sounds amazing.

- So how about it?

- Uh, again, thanks so much,

but I think it's best

if we find our own way.

- Honey, we don't have

any other options.

- You can trust me.

- We can trust her.

- It's Christmas Eve.

Every hotel in the city

is gonna be booked.

You have nowhere to go,

and here I am,

willing to show you

a place to stay.

Or, you could find a dark,

cold, feces-smeared alleyway

and sleep on a bed

of rat carcasses.

You know, your choice.

- You hate feces.

- Fine.

- Ah, great! Luggage.

Oh, heavy.

You know, why don't you

carry your own luggage?

Patrick, there are a ton

of places I know you'd love.

- Oh, Jill actually wants

to see the tree

at Rockefeller Center first.

- Oh, yeah.

It's on my bucket list.

I've wanted to see it

since I was a little girl.

- Want to know

what's on my bucket list?

Never see stupid crap.

[sirens wailing]

- Are we any closer

to our place

on the Upper West Side?

- I mean, sure.

You're...

closer than you were yesterday.

So here we have a special place

in rock and roll history.

Lou Reed wrote the song

"Heroin" right here,

immediately after he bought

heroin from right over there.

- No way.

- Well, makes sense.

- Pyke, thank you

for this very detailed history

of the music of New York.

I mean, the stuff

about the Stooges

and Velvet Underground--

I was obsessed

with them in college.

- Yeah, I thought

you might like it.

- Okay, maybe we should

go back to a main road.

I think we're close

to the Empire State Building.

- So, Patrick, what made you

want to come to New York?

- Well, I've been planning it

for a long time--

since I was a teenager--

and...well, the timing

was finally right.

- The beard suits you.

- Thank you?

- Okay.

Uh, we might be able to see

the Statue of Liberty up here.

- Do you want to see

where Iggy Pop threw up

on Andy Warhol's entourage?

- Does David Bowie

wear eyeshadow?

[both laughing]

- I am sorry that I had

to cut the tour short

because of my blisters,

but I did not expect

to have to walk 12 miles.

You know, I want to keep

my feet fresh for ice-skating

at Rockefeller Center.

- Ah, New York has a way

of finding out who's tough

enough to handle it.

Plus, it gave us the perfect

excuse to sit down

and have a meal at one

of the best places

in all of New York.

The dumplings here

are transcendent.

- Dumplings?

Wow.

- Oh, don't worry, Jill.

I ordered you soup.

I know it's your favorite.

- How do you know

that I like soup?

- Just based on that outfit.

[phone buzzes]

- Two order dumpling,

one order chicken feet soup.

- Mm.

- You don't have to eat that.

We could share dumplings.

- Nope.

That's...that's okay.

We are guests here,

and I do not want to

insult our hosts.

Okay, well,

I think I'm just gonna

go wash my hands.

Where's the bathroom?

- No bathroom.

- Oh, there's a donut shop

across the street.

- Do you need me

to go with you?

- No, no, no.

[clears throat]

- I'm so excited to get

to take you here.

These are gonna be the best

dumplings you've ever had.

- I've had a few dumplings

in my life.

- [laughs] Well, not these.

- Here goes.

- Ready?

- Mmm--oh, my God.

- Right?

- You were so right.

These are so good.

- So good.

[both laugh]

- Mmm.

- So, um...Patrick,

why, um...why is, um...

now the right time

to visit New York?

- I had a hard few years.

- I'm sorry.

- It's okay.

You know?

And...I always wanted

to come to New York.

I've been talking about it

since I was a kid,

and I met Jill a few years ago,

and she said

she'd come with me.

I thought it would help,

you know?

To make peace with some stuff.

I feel like what

we're doing today,

it was the exact way

I wanted to see the city.

[chuckles] I mean, I could have

kept going for hours.

- [laughs]

- I just--

there's stuff on Jill's list

that she wants to see,

and I want to make her happy.

- Is she hard to make happy?

- No.

She's actually wonderful.

Honestly, I don't know

how I would have gotten through

the last few years without her.

[gentle music]

She wants to get married.

I want to marry her.

I-I'd love to.

I...I don't know

if I can marry anyone.

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