Angry Angel Page #6

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I was married before, and...

- Um, what was she like?

Your wife.

- She was...

[bell dings]

She was--

- Guys, so weird.

I just saw the guy who was

in that movie, you know,

where all of his friends

try to stop him

from marrying the wrong girl?

Oh, he had that--

he had old sitcom on TV

where he played a guy

living in New York

with his three friends.

- You literally just described

every old sitcom.

- She's talking about

Jason Biggs.

- Yes!

- Oh!

[bell dings]

- There she is.

Pyke.

We need to talk.

You can't do this.

- I'm not doing anything.

I ran into him,

and I haven't lost any points.

I've been checking.

- Yet.

But it's only

a matter of time.

No one is paying

any attention today,

because most of the bigwigs

are at a birthday party.

- Oh, right.

Birthday.

Christmas.

Yeah, that makes sense.

- Hi. Could you please

wrap this up for me?

- Huh?

Oh, no, no.

Not, um--not him.

It's also

this angel Carl's birthday.

He's a real sweetheart.

It's actually

a laser tag party.

That's not the point.

They are going to find out

up there if you do not

get rid of them right now.

- I'm handling it.

- You are not handling it.

You are the opposite

of handling it.

- [whispering]

That's Jason Biggs over there.

- If you say one word

to either of them

about who you really are

or what you do,

I'm authorized to take

all your points away.

- But you wouldn't do that...

because we are friends.

- [sighs]

Okay, look.

When I was being directed

by Woody...Allen...

- What other Woody could it be?

- I was having trouble

on a scene.

You know what he told me?

He said, "Jason.

Jason...

"You are here to do a job,

"and all you have to remember

is to Do. That. Job."

Understand?

See them on their way.

If you don't...

I can't help you.

[somber music]

- Okay, uh, change of plans.

I am sending you guys off

to the Upper West Side.

- Really? Are you sure?

I thought we--

- Can we...can we get

a picture with Mr. Biggs?

- Sure, of course.

Yeah.

But, you know,

why don't we take it outside?

The light's much

better out there,

and that way

I can hail you a cab.

- Okay.

- Say good-bye to your friends.

- [clears throat]

Bye, Patrick.

- Bye, Pyke.

[hopeful music]

- Bye, Jill.

- Okay, losing light.

- Whoo-hoo!

[phone chimes]

- [sighs]

- Hey, Pyke.

If I sound happy right now,

it's because I've been

sampling my homemade eggnog.

Don't tell anyone, but I added

a secret ingredient:

Maple syrup.

It's delicious.

We're drinking it tonight.

You're missing out.

[stirring piano melody]

- I got the cab to stop because

I forgot my leftover soup.

Yeah.

You know, it really

is quite good.

- Oh, hey, hon,

maybe we ask Pyke.

Do you know the best place

in New York

to get a glass of eggnog?

- I actually know

the perfect place.

How would you guys like to have

a genuine Christmas dinner

with the best homemade eggnog

you have ever tasted?

It's got maple syrup in it.

- We'd love to.

Thank you, yeah.

- Great. [sighs happily]

This is gonna be great.

[laughs]

[Johnny Staton's

"Ride On Santa"]

- When you guys try this

eggnog, you are going to flip.

- Are you sure that the host

didn't want us

to bring anything?

- We did.

Soup.

- Laid in my bed

and I didn't say a word

Barker! Hey, Connie.

- I just pretend

That you wasn't heard

- Pyke?

I can't believe

you actually came.

- We brought soup.

She already ate half of it.

- Oh, soup.

Hey.

Who'd you bring with you?

- These are two

Christmas orphans I found.

This is Patrick.

He is the best.

I totally vouch for him.

And that's Jill.

- Great.

The more, the merrier.

Well, I'll just get

a few more chairs in here.

No problem at all.

Guys, these are Pyke's friends.

- Yeah, let's go with friends.

- Guys.

- And, of course,

Wendell, Gwendolyn.

- Hi.

- You know Pyke.

- Patrick, I promised

you eggnog.

Hey, Connie.

- Hi, honey.

- Oh, God, I hate this song.

- No!

[dance music playing]

- Wow, Barker.

You really went all out.

You cooked up a feast.

- Oh, come on.

It was no big deal.

[chuckles]

- I didn't realize you were

like the male Martha Stewart.

- I prefer male Julia Child,

but there's a lot

you don't know about me

besides my first name.

- Barker is better

and you know it.

- Hey, so no big deal,

but...I got you

a little something,

because I had a feeling

you'd show up.

Merry Christmas.

- Ain't got

no funny feeling

To be without you

- It's pretty special, right?

- I could use it now.

- Oh. You know,

there's rum in that already.

- Not enough.

Merry Christmas, Barker.

- Okay.

- Yeah...

- You are going to love it.

- Thank you.

- Ain't got

no funny feeling

Ain't got no funny feeling

- I'll be right be back, okay?

Cheers.

Please tell me it's not gonna

be that kind of night.

- Look, I am spinning a lot

of plates right now,

and I spin better

when I'm drunk.

- Yeah, but who saved

who, really?

[both laugh]

- Who are your new friends?

- Honestly, just some randos.

Jill--she does not seem

good enough for Patrick, right?

- But it's nice.

- Nothing that we've planned

has happened today.

[both laugh]

- Just spontaneity, you know?

Spice of life, right?

- Oh, my God.

You like that guy.

And you brought him

and his girlfriend

to Barker's party?

- What? No.

Look, I just think there's

something off about Jill.

I mean, look at her.

- Nutmeg, I guess.

[both laugh]

- Do you see what

I'm talking about?

- You're not even playing

with fire right now, Pyke.

You're already engulfed

in flames.

Are you even listening to me?

[all laughing]

- Cheers.

- Merry Christmas.

- All right, everybody.

I just want to say how grateful

I am to all of you--old friends

and new friends alike--

for spending your

Christmas Eves at my place.

- Mm!

- My family has a tradition

at Christmas.

We go around the table,

and everybody says

what they were grateful for

in the past year,

and what they are hopeful

for in the new year.

- Then what do you do

on Thanksgiving?

Exchange gifts under a tree?

Boom! Barker family burn.

[snickering]

- Well, Pyke,

since mine's about you,

I guess I'll go first.

You are challenging,

secretive, and elusive,

but getting a chance

to know you,

despite your best efforts,

has...been the thing

that I am most grateful

for this past year.

And what I'm most looking

forward to in the new year

is what it brings

for you...and for us.

- Oh, that is so cute, Barker.

[laughs]

Okay! Me next?

It's not really my thing.

Can we just...skip my turn?

[chuckles]

- I'll go next.

- Mm.

- Thank you, again, Barker,

for inviting me to this dinner.

My family lives far away,

but I also like to think

of some of you

as family--even you, Pyke.

Well, on a good day.

That's it.

- Um...

I think I need

another minute.

[all chuckling]

Could you go?

- Okay.

Well...

three years ago, I was--

I was in a really bad place.

Um...and then I met this man...

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