Angry Angel Page #8

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You broke his heart last night.

I warned him about you.

I said you were like

a pet chimp.

You know, like cute at first,

but eventually,

they're just gonna

rip your face off,

like what happened

to that woman in Florida.

- Thank you for that.

- You are a terrible waitress

and a bad friend,

but I kept you

on this whole time

because I thought

you could change.

- Connie, look,

don't give up on me now.

Please?

Look, I got you something,

but you have to come over

the bar to get it.

Come on.

You're gonna love it.

Get over here. [laughs]

- No, I'm busy.

- Jake, turn up

the Christmas carols!

[jazzy rendition of "12 Days

of Christmas" playing]

On the first day

of Christmas

- Merry Christmas.

It's a pear tree.

- A partridge

in a pear tree

- How did you track down

a pear tree on Christmas Day?

- Through the miracle

of Craigslist.

I thought you could use

something to remind you

of your grandma.

The tree should sprout

in about six to eight months,

so until then...

they're organic.

- On the third day

of Christmas

- There may be a half-eaten one

in there.

- Wow.

Thank you,

you little jerk-face.

- I'm sorry.

- Oh, it's okay.

- A partridge

in a pear tree

- Look, I wish

I could stay, but...

I have to make the next stop

on my apology tour.

- Do you know where he is?

- Barker only does one thing

on his mornings off.

[rock music]

[panting]

- Fine. What?

- [panting] Well, I...

was gonna do

this whole dramatic thing

and jog with you

until you talked to me,

but...I hate running

and you're fast.

- What do you want, Pyke?

- I'm sorry.

- Okay, cool.

- Wait, wait--please?

Look, I want to make

things right.

What do I need to do

to get you to forgive me?

Anything, please.

- You think this is only

about last night?

- I was always honest with you

about what this was.

- Honesty from you

just feels mean.

- Wait--Barker.

I mean... [sighs]

you had a weird thing

with a weird girl for a year.

Believe me,

things could be worse.

- Not for me.

- What are you talking about?

- A while back, I got accepted

into a cooking school in Paris.

And then I met Allison Pyke.

- You can't put that all on me.

- I only blame myself.

You were always very up front

about how little you cared.

Let me ask you something, Pyke.

Have you ever done

anything--anything at all--

that was truly

for someone else?

- Yes--that's actually

the thing I do all the time.

- No, no, no,

I mean just to be good,

not for any other reason.

Not because you expect

something in return.

Just one selfless act.

- No.

You're right.

You are absolutely right.

I'm...I'm...not a good person.

But maybe I can be.

- I don't think you can.

[melancholy piano music]

[phone chimes]

[animated music]

- [groans]

- Leonard, this one's mine.

- You are too out of shape

to be making

a decision like that.

- Okay, no more running.

Please, please.

[panting]

Look, we still have a minute.

- Wait.

Pyke, why are you even here?

It's not like

you need the points.

[ethereal choral music]

Unless...you screwed it up?

- I screwed it up.

- Pyke.

[sighs shortly]

Listen, I'm just

1,000 points away,

but I feel bad, 'cause

I stole your last miracle.

You can have this one.

- [stutters, sighs] No, look.

I want you to have it.

It's like you said:

just because angels have to

help the living doesn't mean

we can't choose

to help each other.

- Are you quoting

my angel union email?

- Yes, and for the record,

you are a terrible writer.

But...I can't imagine a Heaven

without you in it.

- You're sweet.

- [laughs]

Wait, wait, are you actually

being nice to me,

or are you just doing this

because you think

it'll get you more points?

- A little from column A,

a little from column B.

- Mm-hmm.

Hey.

- Excuse me.

I have somewhere to be.

[stirring instrumental version

of "O Come All Ye Faithful"]

- Ooh!

1,000 points.

- Stand clear

of the closing doors.

- Hope I see you up there,

Pyke.

- Maybe you will.

- Maybe I will.

[contemporary string rendition

of "Carol of the Bells"]

- Hark how the bells,

sweet silver bells

All seem to say,

"Throw cares away"

Christmas is here,

bringing good cheer

To young and old,

meek and the bold

- [sighs]

- Ding-dong, ding-dong

That is the song

With joyful ring,

all caroling

One seems to hear

words of good cheer

- From everywhere,

filling the air

- Oh. You.

How did you find me?

- This is literally

the only place I looked.

Look, can we talk?

- I'd rather be left alone.

- Look, I hear you, and I will

totally leave you alone,

so I will walk...

all the way over here

as I apologize to you.

Look, it wasn't Patrick's

fault. It was my fault.

I kissed him.

He didn't kiss me.

- I know it was your fault.

I never thought it was

anybody else's fault.

You have been lying to me

and Patrick this whole time.

Could you just be honest

for a moment?

- I owe it to you to try.

We dated...a lifetime ago.

- Merry, merry, merry,

merry Christmas

- So long ago that I look

completely different now,

so he didn't recognize me.

Look, I didn't tell him

who I was

because I didn't want

to make things weird,

which clearly turned out great.

["Silent Night" on bells]

- Do you...hate me

for some reason?

- What? No.

I like you.

I just--I didn't want

to believe

that there was anyone else

out there good enough for him,

and the fact that you are

just made it worse.

Look, he loves you.

And he's always

gonna love you, Jill.

- You clearly haven't been

hanging around Patrick lately,

because the only person

that he loves is Megan.

- No, he went after

you last night.

Look, you're the one he wants,

and he can love more

than one person.

I mean, you still

love Stewart, right?

That's what brought you

two together.

You both have big enough

hearts for that.

I'm really happy he found you.

You were right.

This place is beautiful.

[music swelling]

- Do you think he'll ever

be able to move on from her?

- I think so.

- [clears throat]

We need to talk about things.

- We do.

This is where they moved

the giant piano from "Big."

- [chuckles] I know.

It's why I came.

Where else would Patrick Dorsey

from Hastings, Nebraska,

want to go?

- I figured you'd find me...

if you're really you.

- You believe me?

- I had a feeling

at the beginning,

but--well, we're from Nebraska.

This stuff doesn't happen

there, not even in Omaha.

- [chuckles]

- I mean, Megan, you died,

and you came back

in a whole new body.

- It's hard to keep living

after you die.

I just...I just felt

like I was stuck.

- So when you get to heaven,

you can be happy.

- I already was happy.

- We were happy, huh?

[chuckles]

- I want you to be happy again.

Jill's great.

- What are you talking about?

You can't stand her.

- No, of course I like her.

She ate the feet soup.

[laughs]

- Jill does make me happy,

and for a long time,

I didn't think

that was possible.

I'm gonna ask her to marry me.

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