Angry Angel Page #9

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- I'm glad.

[exhales]

Patrick...

[sniffs]

this has to be the last time

we see each other.

- I know.

I'll never totally get

over you, Megan.

I carry you with me now,

and I think that's okay,

as long as I just--

I keep looking forward.

- I'm really happy

to hear that.

- I got you something.

I mean, I buy you one

every Christmas.

I just--I always see something.

- [crying]

- Open it.

[exhales]

- Here, give me that.

- Okay.

- [crying softly]

This is, um...

this is truly awful.

- I know.

It is, right?

- I'm sorry I didn't...

[sniffs]

I didn't get you anything.

- You did.

- Pyke.

- How'd you get back

from Vancouver already?

- Oh, uh, Drake.

He lets other angels

use his private plane.

He's a real sweetheart

like that.

Saw what you did.

You brought Jill and Patrick

back together.

It was another love miracle,

and it got you a ton of points.

You did it.

You're going to Heaven.

[bittersweet chiming music]

How are you not jumping

for joy right now?

You made it!

- Merry Christmas, Jason.

- Merry Christmas, Pyke.

- Pyke, what's happening?

Oh...are you miserable?

Or is this just

your general sour face

that you always have?

- Do you think I was

good enough?

I mean, do I deserve to go?

- I don't know. Who cares?

I don't.

- Are you surprised

that I got in?

- Yeah, a little bit.

But you didn't have to be

the best ever on Earth.

Not everyone's a saint.

Lord knows I wasn't.

You just have to

leave people better off

than how you found them.

Uh, is that really the shirt

you're wearing up to Heaven?

- [chuckles]

Actually, it's a new gift

from an old friend.

- Ah, okay.

You know, this bus actually

comes with an attendant

who can bring you whatever

you want, like a new wardrobe.

- Welcome.

- Oh!

- Oh.

- Thank you.

- Mm-hmm.

Mmm!

How I've missed Heaven.

- [chuckles]

[playful music]

This place is everything

Leonard said it was--

a paradise where you're

able to get anything

you'll ever want, instantly.

For example, right now,

I'd love a lemonade...

With a little booze...

and a splash of iced tea.

Perfection.

You know, but now that

I'm here, I understand

why Leonard took perfection

for granted:

because he's an idiot.

Heaven is like the greatest

club in the Universe.

It's never crowded.

The people are amazing.

Thanks, Todd.

Like right now,

I'm in the middle of kicking

Mrs. Roosevelt's butt

in croquet.

- Oh!

- Sorry, it's how the game

is played, Eleanor.

Every waking moment

here is fun.

Like instead of walking,

we drive golf carts,

which apparently I'm great at,

since I'm about

to win this race.

[gasps]

- You did it!

- Bingo!

- Sweet.

If I was gonna make a list

of the best things

about my first year in Heaven,

I would say they are...

inter-dimensional Frisbee.

[thrashing rock music]

A vibrant local punk scene!

Tanning for an eternity

without burning.

Spritz.

My morning breath

now tastes amazing.

[smacks lips]

Mmm, cucumber water.

Best book club ever.

You know, I guess I'm not

surprised that Bigfoot is real,

but I am surprised

by the depth of alienation

that's present in his writing.

What do you think, Becky?

Maybe it's not fair

to tell you

how good this hot tub feels,

because you have to deal

with everyday Earth hot water,

which is basically like

sitting in warm spit

compared to this thing.

Oh, man, it's like being

hugged by a hot cloud.

- Breadsticks?

- Oh, thank you.

- Breadsticks?

- Nope, I'm good.

Pyke, enough with

the breadsticks, okay?

You're getting crumbs

all in the tub.

- Sorry, I can't help it.

It's just that

I can't get over the fact

that the Olive Garden here

has literally

unlimited breadsticks.

Like, I can have

infinity breadsticks.

- [laughs]

Why? Why?

Why do you still use the phone?

- Oh, it's just a habit.

I got pretty addicted

to that angel app.

Ooh, a woman's about

to get attacked

by a bird in Central Park.

- Ooh, who cares?

Okay?

Just sit back. Relax.

Life on Earth

isn't our concern anymore.

- Someone just accepted

the miracle.

- Put the phone away.

Please enjoy Heaven.

- But the Heaven Phone

is so cool.

It's indestructible.

- Okay, yeah.

I get it.

- [chuckles]

- All right.

Yo, we should probably think

about getting out of here soon.

- How long have

we been in here?

- Two weeks.

- Okay, look,

I say we soak

for a couple more days,

and we should probably

join Lincoln's game

of running charades.

- I like that.

[both pop lips]

- Your boy's

not even pruning.

- Aliens are real?

And they're tiny.

[phone chimes]

Hmm.

[gentle ringing music]

Maspeth?

Barker.

[quickening music]

Come on, come on.

Someone take the miracle.

Come on.

[phone ringing]

- Hi, hey!

How is it up there?

You met John Lennon yet?

- Look, I need a favor.

- Ooh, what about the girl

from "Poltergeist"?

If you do, have her say,

"Carol Ann."

It's so creepy-cute.

It's like it's creepy

but it's also really cute.

- Can you help me out

with a miracle in New York?

Someone I care about--

he hates me,

but I still care about him--

- Pyke, Pyke, Pyke, Pyke, Pyke,

I'm gonna stop you

right there, okay?

You have moved on.

You can no longer interfere

with the lives of the living

once you are up there.

Besides, look around you.

Isn't it awesome?

Why would you want to do that?

Remember, you drove

through the gates,

and they closed behind you.

You're in there now.

That's it.

You're done. Mazel.

- No, I know.

I get that, but can you

maybe make an exception?

- [sighs] Well,

you are asking so nicely.

No! Of course not.

Are you kidding?

I am up to my neck

in paperwork right now,

and it's pilot season.

Besides, afterworld traffic

is so backed up right now.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Pyke?

Pyke?

[tranquil classical

piano music]

- Leonard!

[whispering] Leonard.

- What do you want?

Okay, Michelangelo's

teaching this class.

He does not like it

when we have visitors.

- I need advice.

Someone I care about

is in trouble down on Earth.

If I don't help him,

he's gonna die.

- Pyke, I'm sure he lived

a great life.

- No, he didn't.

He put off all of his dreams

for a chance to be with me.

Now he's gonna die without

ever realizing any of them.

- Let him die, okay?

What's about to happen now

isn't your responsibility.

- It is.

He was right about me.

I don't know if I've ever

done something good

that wasn't selfish.

But...maybe I still can.

- Look at me.

Don't do anything stupid.

Gandhi's throwing one of

his legendary house parties

tonight,

and I'm gonna get funky.

- [sighing] Oh, God...

Gandhi.

- Are we good here?

- Yeah-yeah-yeah, thank you.

Gandhi.

[percussive electronic music]

- When I was younger,

I was insane for fame

In the glitters

of the lights

I could see my name

Since my mouth could move

I've had something to say

Now I'm a little older,

but I remain the same

You can't cheat,

you can't defeat

You can't beat me

What you do,

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