Applesauce Page #7

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Harder!

Pull my hair!

- Oh god.

Oh god.

- Cum on my stomach!

Cum on my stomach!

Yeah, yeah.

My god.

That was amazing.

I love you.

I love you.

- Are we that shallow that all

it takes is a little payback

and all is well?

I make out with your friend,

you make out with my friend

and the slate's wiped clean.

We didn't just make out.

- Where did you do it?

In the bathroom?

- Is that where you hooked up?

- Uh-huh.

I'm not even jealous.

- Yeah, but we didn't

just make out, Ron.

What do you mean?

I gave him a blowj*b.

- Okay,

let me just get this straight.

So you're saying that women

should wear the hijab.

- I think I may be starting to

understand why women should...

So they have an obligation?

- Not an obligation,

but I feel I understand...

Is that their only obligation?

- I understand why there's

a reason behind, why,

- maybe, they should wear it.

- So, what's the reason?

Because men can't

control themselves?

- I think that's a very

good way to look at it.

Because men think

about sex all the time.

Women think about sex too.

- I know women think

about sex all the time.

If you all didn't act upon

your sexual impulses so much,

maybe there wouldn't be

these things happening here.

- You used to be my

favorite teacher.

Now I think you're a scum.

I was just... Uh...

Talk about empathy.

Do we belong in a kitchen too?

I'm really disappointed.

- Hey.

- Hey.

- So, you're just not

going to talk to me now?

There's nothing to talk about.

- Well, how about,

"how's your day?"

- Do you want to know how my day went?

- Yeah.

Same day as it always is.

I'm teaching a bunch of

useless information

who don't give a f***

what I have to say.

That's how my day went.

- Who's that?

- I ordered Chinese food.

- Oh, well,

did you get me some?

Nope.

Keep the change.

Thanks.

- They don't sell

organic tampons

at the commissary.

They sell that generic sh*t.

It feels like fly paper.

I can't use that.

- It's not my fault

you've got a sensitive vagina.

- So that's how it's

going to be, huh?

- You're just going to act

like I'm not here.

I guess so.

Real mature, Ron.

I guess so.

- You know what your problem is?

- I guess so.

- You're a hypocrite.

- Uh-huh. Yep.

- How is what I did any

different than what you did?

With you having les' cock

in your mouth.

- Oh, okay. So your excuse is,

"oh, I got drunk,

- it didn't mean anything. "

- That's right.

- Can't I use the same excuse?

- That's exactly right.

- You can't use the

same f***ing excuse.

It's not the same f***ing thing.

- Goddammit!

- What?

- There's a f***ing

cock in my mouth!

There's a penis in my

f***ing Chinese food!

- So you normally make

all the deliveries here?

- But you didn't

deliver it this time.

- Well, I was on my way here,

but a guy stopped me downstairs.

He said he was staying

in the same apartment.

So he paid for the food and

he said he would bring it up.

- So you let him

bring the food up?

Because he knew the

apartment number.

He knew Mr. Ron's name.

And he seemed to

be a very nice guy.

I didn't think anything bad

was going to happen.

Besides, he gave me a big tip.

You get a big tip and i

get a big dick in my mouth.

That's a fair exchange.

I'm so sorry, Ron.

I brought you a new order,

on the house.

- You keep it, okay.

I lost my appetite.

I'll probably never

eat again after tonight.

Well, look on the bright side.

Think of all the weight

you'll lose.

- Hey, hey, hey.

We don't need that kind of talk.

And in the future,

you need to make all the

deliveries yourself, okay.

- But I didn't know.

- Yeah, I know, I know, I know.

Is this going to

be on the Internet?

I don't know about that.

- It's going to kill my

business. Very badly.

- We'll try to keep it

under wraps, okay?

- Okay.

Thank you, officer.

- Mr. Wells. Do you recall

what the man looked like

who delivered the food?

I didn't even see the guy!

- I just gave him the money

and he gave me the food,

- so you don't look people in

the eyes when you talk to them?

I was agitated.

Why were you agitated?

Domestic issues.

What kind of domestic issues?

- Personal sh*t, man.

Its' none of your business.

- I just want to know

why you were agitated.

- I'm agitated because you're

asking me why I'm agitated.

I'm agitated because...

I'm just agitated.

I don't like it when people

ask me why I'm agitated...

I don't know.

Miss, are you okay?

It's Mrs. and she's fine.

- I got it.

- God damn, f***ing cock!!

- Let's see if we can

match the severed member

to the severed foot.

It might be from the same body.

- Judging from the foot size,

I'd say it is.

- Ma'am, if you have

any trouble at all,

don't hesitate to call me.

- Wait a second, why are you

giving her special treatment?

I'm the one who

got violated, man.

Calm down, buddy.

Don't tell me to calm down.

There was a severed dick

in my mouth.

I've sucked a dick before,

in college,

but it was attached

to a body, okay.

And my wife is running around

acting like a f***ing

sword swallower

from the barnum

and Bailey circus.

And out of all the cops in

Brooklyn they can send me,

they send me andr the giant

and Betty boop.

Okay, I want some

f***ing answers!

No, I'll tell you this,

if I found a penis

in my Chinese food,

I'd probably throw a rock

through the window.

What's the name of the place?

What is it?

Hong Kong castle?

They should change it

to long dong castle.

Be careful ordering noodles

from that place, people.

You might get

something a little extra.

Anyway, by now most

of you have heard,

the chastity fielding 27,

crashed after take-off

on Tuesday.

This was supposed to be the

first commercial airplane

to orbit the earth.

This place is great.

I had dinner here

a few weeks ago.

Yeah, well,

i hope you're paying.

Chastity stock is

down 50 percent.

- It's all right, Barry.

Don't worry.

I got this.

- "Consumer space travel,

that's the way of the future. "

- That's what you said, dude.

- It is. It is.

- Well, if that first test

flight is any indication,

the future looks pretty bleak.

- Come on, Barry.

Listen.

It's a test,

the rocket exploded in a test.

That's what a test is for.

- You guys ready to order?

- Yeah, I think so.

- I was over hearing

your conversation

about the chastity thing.

Man, that was a tragedy, huh.

They'll get a consumer flight

into space before you know it

and that stock's going to

take off like a rocket.

- Hopefully, it doesn't take

off like the last one did.

- Yeah, I'm pretty sure

they're going to get it up.

There's no doubt about that.

It's only a matter of time.

Can you imagine

being that pilot?

Having trained his whole life

for that one moment.

And then you're finally up

soaring toward the sky and

everything you studied for,

hoped for, dreamed for...

Gone.

- Honey,

nobody is following you.

Really,

with the spitting, still?

So, they're not actually

firing you, right?

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