Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery Page #10

There is an uncomfortable pause.

NUMBER TWO:

Don't you think we should ask for

more than a million dollars? A million

dollars isn't that much money these

days.

DR. EVIL

All right then...

(dramatic pause)

...FIVE MILLION DOLLARS!

There is another uncomfortable pause.

NUMBER TWO:

Virtucon alone makes over nine billion

dollars a year.

DR. EVIL

(pleasantly surprised)

Oh, really?

(slightly irritated)

One-hundred billion dollars.

(pause)

OK, make it happen. Anything else?

FRAU FARBISSINA:

Remember when we froze your semen,

you said that if it looked like you

weren't coming back to try and make

you a son so that a part of you would

live forever?

DR. EVIL

Yes.

FRAU FARBISSINA:

Well, after a few years, we got sort

of impatient. Dr. Evil, I want you

to meet your son.

DR. EVIL

My son?

FRAU FARBISSINA:

Yes.

(calling out)

Scott!

SCOTT EVIL walks out. He is fifteen, grungy, and wears a

Kurt Cobain T-shirt.

SCOTT EVIL:

Hi.

DR. EVIL

Hello, Scott. I'm your father, Dr.

Evil.

(emotional)

I have a son! I have a son! Everyone,

I have a son!

(gesturing to globe)

Someday, Scott, this will all be

yours.

SCOTT EVIL:

I haven't seen you my whole life and

now you show up and want a

relationship? I hate you!

EXT. JAGUAR - DRIVING - VEGAS - DAY

Vanessa and Austin drive in his perfectly-preserved Jag.

AUSTIN:

You've preserved my Jag! Smashing!

VANESSA:

Yes, we've had it retrofitted with a

secure cellular phone, an on-board

computer, and a Global Geosynchronous

Positioning Device. Oh, and finally,

this.

The glove compartment revolves to reveal a display of various

dental hygiene products-- floss, toothpaste, toothbrush,

dental mirror, and cleaning tool.

AUSTIN:

Let me guess. The floss is garotte

wire, the toothpaste contains plastic

explosives, and the toothbrush is

the detonation device.

VANESSA:

No, actually. I don't know how to

put this really. Well, there have

been fabulous advances in the field

of dentistry.

AUSTIN:

Why? What's wrong with my teeth?

EXT. VEGAS HOTEL - NIGHT

The Union Jack-emblazoned Jaguar pulls up to the front door.

INT. VEGAS HOTEL ROOM

Vanessa carries her compact flight attendant bag and Austin

takes his two bright red oversized leatherette Samsonite

suitcases.

AUSITN:

Which side of the bed do you want?

VANESSA:

You're going to sleep on the sofa.

I'd like to remind you, Mr. Powers,

that the only reason we're sharing a

room is to support our cover story

that we're a married couple on

vacation.

AUSTIN:

So, shall we shag now, or shall we

shag later? How do you like to do

it? Do you like to wash up first?

Top and tails? A whore's bath?

Personally, before I'm on the job, I

like to give my undercarriage a bit

of a how's-your-father.

AUSTIN:

(off her angry reaction)

I'm just joking, Vanessa. Trying to

get a rise out of you.

They both laugh.

VANESSA:

Let's unpack.

HER LUGGAGE:
In the inside flap is a types list of contents.

All of her items are in separate, labeled plastic bags.

AUSTIN:

Gor blimey, nerd alert.

HIS LUGGAGE:
He pulls out a Nehru jacket and a huge Remington

shaver with huge English plug.

HER LUGGAGE:
She pulls out a compact clothes steamer/travel

iron and a Braun blow drier.

HIS LUGGAGE:
He pulls out a vintage 1967 Playboy and a bottle

of Jurgens lotion.

HER LUGGAGE:
She pulls out Wet-Naps, her underthings in a

plastic baggie marked "Underthings" and her shoes in a baggie

marked "Shoes."

HIS LUGGAGE:
He pulls out a miniature meditation gong and

Hai Karate cologne.

HER LUGGAGE:
She pulls out a dossier labeled "Dr. Evil - Top

Secret."

HIS LUGGAGE:
He pulls out the Swedish penis enlarger pump.

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