Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery Page #13

SPLIT SCREEN - HOTEL ROOM/MRS. KENSINGTON'S HOUSE

MRS. KENSINGTON

You have to understand, in Britain

in the Sixties you could be a sex

symbol and still have bad teeth. It

didn't matter.

VANESSA:

I just don't see it.

MRS. KENSINGTON

Just wait. Once Austin gets you in

his charms, it's impossible to get

out.

VANESSA:

Did you ever...

MRS. KENSINGTON

Of course not. I was married to your

father.

VANESSA:

Did you ever want to?

MRS. KENSINGTON

Austin is very charming, very

debonair. He's handsome, witty, has

a knowledge of fine wines,

sophisticated, a world-renowned

photographer. Women want him, men

want to be him. He's a lover of love--

every bit an International Man of

Mystery.

We hear the TOILET FLUSH. Mrs. Kensington WIPES off the

screen.

Austin re-enters from left to right, still NAKED. Vanessa

holds up Austin's Fab Magazine shoot from the Sixties, and

in perfect timing blocks his crotch from the camera.

VANESSA:

You didn't answer my question, Mum.

MRS. KENSINGTON (V.O.)

I know. Let me just say this: Austin

was the most loyal and caring friend

I ever had.

I will always love him.

AUSTIN (V.O.)

Good morning, luv, who are you on

the phone with?

VANESSA:

(to her mother)

Do you want to talk to him?

MRS. KENSINGTON (V.O.)

No, it's been too long. Best to leave

things alone.

VANESSA:

(to Austin)

I'm on with a friend!

(to her mother)

Look, I'd better go. I love you.

MRS. KENSINGTON (V.O.)

I love you, Vanessa.

Vanessa hangs up. Austin enters wearing an "Austin Powers"

robe.

AUSTIN:

Good morning, Vanessa! I hope you

have on clean underwear.

VANESSA:

Why?

AUSTIN:

We've got a doctor's appointment--

an evil doctor's appointment.

EXT. VIRTUCON MAIN ENTRANCE - DRIVEWAY - DAY

THROUGH BINOCULAR POV CUT-OUTS

We see a black limousine pull up in front. Random Task and

another BODYGUARD exit the limo and secure the area.

EXT. LAS VEGAS - BUSHES

We see that the binoculars belong to Vanessa. She and Austin

are on a stakeout. Austin's Jag is in the background.

VANESSA:

A limousine has just pulled up.

AUSTIN:

Let me see.

Austin pulls into frame an extremely long telephoto lens

attached to his vintage camera.

EXT. VIRTUCON MAIN ENTRANCE

TELEPHOTO LENS POV

Two more BODYGUARDS leave the building and approach the limo.

Number Two exits the building holding Mr. Bigglesworth, the

hairless cat. He's not happy about this, and has a scratch

on his cheek.

FREEZE FRAME. SFX: Camera motor drive.

EXT. BUSHES

AUSTIN:

Hello, hello. That's Dr. Evil's cat.

VANESSA:

How do you know?

AUSTIN:

I never forget a p*ssy... cat.

EXT. FRONT ENTRANCE

TELEPHOTO LENS POV

Number Two hands the hairless cat through limo's window.

FREEZE FRAME. SFX: Camera motor drive.

The limousine speeds off.

EXT. BUSHES

VANESSA:

Let's go get him!

AUSTIN:

He's too well-protected right now.

VANESSA:

We can't just sit here, Austin.

AUSTIN:

Let me tell you a story. There's

these two bulls on top of a hill

checking out some foxy cows in the

meadow below. The young bull says,

'hey, why don't we run down the hill

and shag us a cow?', and the wise

old bull replies, 'no, why don't we

walk down the hill and shag all the

cows?'

VANESSA:

I don't get it.

AUSTIN:

Well, you know... cows, and shagging.

VANESSA:

Unfortunately, while you told that

stupid story, Dr. Evil has escaped.

AUSTIN:

No worries, luv. We'll just give

Basil a tinkle on the telling bone...

He notices the way the desert light catches her beauty.

AUSTIN:

My God, Vanessa, you are so incredibly

beautiful. Stay right where you are.

Austin changes lenses and begins SNAPPING PICTURES.

VANESSA:

I hate having my picture taken.

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote