Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery Page #15

They are both on the bed. She looks at him. He looks at her.

There is an awkward silence.

She's about to kiss him, then he pulls away.

AUSTIN:

I can't. You're drunk.

VANESSA:

It's not that I'm drunk, I'm just

beginning to see what my Mum was

talking about.

(pause)

What was my mother like back in the

Sixties? I'm dying to know.

AUSTIN:

(sentimental)

She was very groovy. She was so in

love with your Dad. If there was one

other cat in this world that could

have loved your Mum and treated her

as well as you Dad did, it was me.

But, unfortunately for yours truly,

that train has sailed.

Austin hears SNORING. He looks over and sees Vanessa asleep.

A distinctive PHONE RINGS and a RED LIGHT FLASHES.

Austin opens one of his funky suitcases to reveal a PICTURE

PHONE. It's Basil Exposition, on an airplane.

BASIL EXPOSITION

(on the picture phone)

Hello, Austin, this is Basil

Exposition from British Intelligence.

Thank you for confirming the link

between Dr. Evil and Virtucon. Find

out what part Virtucon plays in

something called Project Vulcan.

I'll need you and Vanessa to get on

that immediately.

AUSTIN:

Right away, Exposition.

BASIL EXPOSITION

Where is Vanessa, by the way?

Austin looks over at Vanessa's sleeping figure.

AUSTIN:

She's working on another lead right

now.

BASIL EXPOSITION

Then you'll have to go it alone.

Good luck.

AUSTIN:

Thank you, Basil.

BASIL EXPOSITION

Oh, and Austin...

AUSTIN:

(knowing)

Yes?

BASIL EXPOSITION

Let me remind you that because of

the unfreezing process you might

experience flatulence at moments of

extreme relaxation.

AUSTIN:

Oh, yes. Thank you.

BASIL EXPOSITION

There's one more thing, Austin.

AUSTIN:

Yes?

BASIL EXPOSITION

Be careful.

AUSTIN:

Thank you.

Austin looks at Alotta's Virtucon business card.

INT. ALOTTA'S JAPANESE STYLE PENTHOUSE

Austin is in a dark penthouse suite. Austin passes a piece

of art that is very suggestive of the female anatomy.

AUSTIN:

Paging Dr. Freud.

He goes over to a credenza where there is a briefcase. He

opens it.

FULL SCREEN - DOCUMENT

Austin's photographing the dossier with his miniature

camera/pendant.

AUSTIN:

(photographing)

Give it to me baby. Super.

We now see that the document outlines all of Virtucon's

holdings in a flow-chart fashion.

AUSTIN:

Pout for me, luv. Smashing. Yes!

Yes! Yes! No! No!

One side of the chart is labeled "Secret Projects." Under

that we see "Human Organ Trafficking", "Carrot Top Movie",

and in CLOSE-UP-- "Project Vulcan."

We see schematics for some sort of subterranean probe and a

cross-section of the earth labeled "Crust, Mantel, Core."

AUSTIN:

And I'm spent.

The front door opens. It's Alotta.

AUSTIN:

You seem surprised to see me.

ALOTTA:

I thought you'd quit while you were

ahead.

AUSTIN:

What, and watch all my earnings go...

(smug)

Down the toilet?

ALOTTA:

What do you want, Mr... Cunningham,

was it?

AUSTIN:

Call me Ritchie, Miss Fagina. May I

call you Alotta...

(pause)

Please?

ALOTTA:

You may.

AUSTIN:

Your boss, Number Two, I understand

that cat's involved in big underground

drills.

ALOTTA:

Virtucon's main interest is in cable

television, but they do have a

subterranean construction division,

yes. How did you know?

AUSTIN:

(smug)

I didn't, baby, you just told me.

ALOTTA:

It's for the mining industry, Mr.

Cunningham. We can talk about business

later. But first, let me slip into

something more comfortable.

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