Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery Page #6

AUSTIN:

Thank you, Exposition.

BASIL EXPOSITION

Oh, and Austin...

AUSTIN:

Yes?

BASIL EXPOSITION

Be careful.

AUSTIN:

Thanks.

Basil exits.

INT. M.O.D. - QUARTERMASTER'S WINDOW

Austin and Vanessa wait at the window.

VANESSA:

Let's gather your personal effects,

shall we?

A CLERK brings out a locker-basket and reads off a list.

CLERK:

(reading)

Danger Powers, personal effects.

AUSTIN:

Actually, my name's Austin Powers.

CLERK:

It says here, name Danger Powers.

AUSTIN:

Danger's my middle name.

CLERK:

OK, Austin Danger Powers: One blue

crushed-velvet suit. One frilly lace

cravat. One gold medallion with peace

symbol. One pair of Italian shoes.

One pair of tie-dyed socks, purple.

One vinyl recording album: Tom Jones,

Live at Las Vegas. One Swedish-made

penis enlarger pump.

AUSTIN:

(embarrassed)

That's not mine.

CLERK:

(reading)

One credit card receipt for Swedish-

made penis enlarger pump, signed

Austin Powers.

AUSTIN:

I'm telling you, baby, that's not

mine.

CLERK:

(reading)

One warranty card for Swedish-made

penis enlarger pump, filled out by

Austin Powers.

AUSTIN:

I don't even know what this is. This

sort of thing ain't my bag, baby.

CLERK:

(reading)

One book:
Swedish-Made Penis Enlarger

Pumps and Me:
This Sort of Thing Is

My Bag, Baby, by Austin Powers.

The clerk shows the book to Austin, who is humiliated.

AUSTIN:

OK, OK, man, don't get heavy, I'll

sign. Just to get things moving,

baby.

VANESSA:

Listen, Mr. Powers, I look forward

to working with you, but do me a

favor and stop calling me baby. You

can address me as Agent Kensington.

We have to leave immediately. We've

preserved your private jet just as

you left it. It's waiting at Heathrow

Airport.

AUSTIN:

(excited)

My jumbo jet? Smashing baby.

EXT. PLANE TAKING OFF - DAY

We see a plane taking off in silhouette.

EXT. PLANE IN FLIGHT - DAY

A multi-colored psychedelic jumbo jet with Austin's logo on

the tailpiece.

INT. PRIVATE PSYCHEDELIC JET

The inside looks like Hugh Heffner's jet... rust shag carpet,

brown walls, and beads. Austin and Vanessa sit on beanbag

chairs. Vanessa works on her lap top.

AUSTIN:

Pretty groovy Jumbo Jet, eh? How

does a hot chick like you end up

working at the Ministry of Defense?

VANESSA:

I went to Oxford and excelled in

several subjects, but I ended up

specializing in foreign languages. I

wanted to travel -- see the world.

In my last year I was accepted into

the M.O.D. in the Cultural Studies

sector. I thought I was off on an

exciting career, but my job was to

read everything printed in every

country. It's very boring. My whole

day is spent reading wedding

announcements in Farsi. If I do well

with this case, I finally get promoted

to field operative...

AUSTIN:

That's fascinating, Vanessa. Listen,

why don't we go into the back and

shag?

VANESSA:

I beg your pardon?

AUSTIN:

I've been frozen for thirty years,

man, I want to see if my bits and

pieces are still working.

VANESSA:

Excuse me?

AUSTIN:

My wedding tackle.

VANESSA:

I'm sorry?

AUSTIN:

My meat and two veg.

VANESSA:

Mr. Powers, please. I know that you

must be a little confused, but we

have a very serious situation at

hand. I would appreciate it if you'd

concentrate on our mission and give

your libido a rest.

AUSTIN:

Have you ever made love to a Chigro?

VANESSA:

A Chigro?

AUSTIN:

You know, a Chigro... part Chinese,

part Negro... Chigro.

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote