Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery Page #7

VANESSA:

(offended)

We don't use the term 'Negro' anymore.

It's considered offensive.

AUSTIN:

That's right. You're supposed to say

'colored' now, right?

(spotting the flight

attendants)

Here's the stewardesses! Bring on

the sexy stews!

The STEWARDESSES enter. They're not dressed very sexily. One

of them is a man and another wears braces.

FLIGHT ATTENDANT

Excuse me, did you say 'stewardess'?

We're called 'flight attendants'

now, thank you very much.

AUSTIN:

Oh, I get it, it's like 'I'm not a

whore, I'm a sex worker', baby.

FLIGHT ATTENDANT

My name is Mrs. Wilkenson. There are

a few things we need to discuss.

First of all, we're not wearing these.

She holds up some skimpy, lingerie-type flight outfits.

FLIGHT ATTENDANT

Also, I have some questions about

the itinerary. It says here, '4:30 -

Dinner, 5:
30 - Everyone Gets Naked

and Covered with Baby Oil, 6:00 -

Orgy'?

AUSTIN:

Seems pretty straightforward, don't

you think...listen darling, I think

you're a fabulous bird. Can I get

your telephone number?

FLGHT ATTENDANT:

(mock sexy)

Sure, it's easy to remember.

(writing on his hand)

It's 777-FILM. We have to prepare

the craft for take-off now.

AUSTIN:

Smashing! When we land I'll give you

a tinkle on the telling bone.

The flight attendant gives him a chilly stare and then exits.

AUSTIN:

Brrrr! She must be frigid. There's

two things I know about life: one,

Americans will never take to soccer.

Two, Swedish girls and stewardesses

love to shag! They're shag-mad,

man! Let me ask you a question,

Vanessa, and be honest.

VANESSA:

Sure.

AUSTIN:

Do I make you horny?

VANESSA:

What?

AUSTIN:

Do I make you horny? Randy, you know.

To you, am I eros manifest?

VANESSA:

I hope this is part of the unfreezing

process.

AUSTIN:

Listen, Vanessa, I'm a swinger...

That's what I do, I swing.

VANESSA:

I understand that, Mr. Powers, but

let me be perfectly clear with you,

perhaps to the point of being

insulting. I will never have sex

with you, ever. If you were the

last man on Earth and I was the last

woman on Earth, and the future of

the human race depended on our having

sex simply for procreation, I still

would not have sex with you.

Austin is oblivious.

AUSTIN:

What's you point, Vanessa?

EXT. PLANE IN FLIGHT - NIGHT

Austin's plane. Time has passed.

IINT. PRIVATE JET - NIGHT

Vanessa's lap-top BEEPS.

COMPUTER VOICE:

You've got mail!

ANGLE ON:
the computer screen. It's Basil Exposition.

BASIL EXPOSITION

Hello Austin. Hello Vanessa. This is

Basil Exposition, from British

Intelligence. There's a company in

Las Vegas called Virtucon that we

think may be linked to Dr. Evil.

Many of the Virtucon executives gamble

at the hotel/casino where you'll be

staying. That's the first place you

should look. Well, I'm off to the

chat rooms.

AUSTIN:

Thank you, Exposition.

BASIL EXPOSITION

Oh, and Austin...

AUSTIN:

Yes?

BASIL EXPOSITION

Be careful.

Vanessa closes her lap-top.

PILOT:

(over loudspeaker)

Ladies and gentlemen, we're beginning

our final descent into Las Vegas

International Airport. Flight

attendants will be coming by to

collect your drinks, and I'll ask

you at this time to please return to

the main cabin and put your bean-

bags in the upright position.

Austin and Vanessa fasten the seatbelts on their bean bags.

EXT. AIRPLANE LANDING - NIGHT

We see a plane's lights landing at night.

ZOOM CUT TO:

INT. PSYCHEDELIC SCENE BREAK

MUSIC:
Psychedelic Wa-wa Pedal Funky Drummer Beat TITLE

GRAPHIC:
The Trip Using a sequence of snap-zooms, colored

projections, and flashing lights, we see Austin dance crazily

a la BOB FOSSE with a GO-GO GIRL in a bikini with the Austin

Powers logo body-painted on her midriff.

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