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I didn't mean that. I just think

you're overreacting a little bit.

It's been a while

since we've done anything.

Or has work sapped all your energy?

My goodness, she was built.

- Mindy.

- Mandy. Mandy!

We should name a ride after her.

- Loop-de-Loop.

- Tilt-A-Whirl.

Watching these home movies

gets me so damn hot.

- They're videos, Bob. Videos.

- I got a hard-on the size of Florida.

- What was that?

- What?

Rewind the tape.

Just rewind it.

Okay. Okay, just play it from there.

Play it right there.

- What's that on my ass?

- What?

Freeze it. Can you do that?

Not for long.

The image becomes unstable.

Freeze it right there!

What the hell is that on my ass?

That is my hand.

- Rubbing my ass?

- So what?

Your fingers are up my cheeks.

What you doing in there?

It's an orgy, Bob.

So you can just touch my ass?

I thought you liked it.

- I thought it was her! God!

- What's the difference?

The difference? You got

your fingers up my a**hole!

Sorry.

F*** you very much.

Bob, I said I'm sorry.

It's a group grope!

You got your fingers up

around my ass!

We were just having fun.

- You know what? You're a perv.

- What?

You're a f***ing pervert.

Is that clear enough?

- A feygele. Does that make sense?

- Bob, I'm sorry.

You know what? Hey!

I'll see you next time, Carpy.

Never!

Well, now, I guess,

is as good a time as any.

Thank you all for coming.

Since the introduction of the

CV 2000, we've been working...

...toward the development

of a colour videotape recorder.

Mr. Carpenter,

our Los Angeles representative...

...has a demonstration.

This system will demonstrate

what lies in store.

John, get the lights, please?

I knew it was in colour, but just one?

John, lights.

We are experiencing

a little technical problem.

If you'd excuse us just a second.

There's hot coffee

and fresh Danish next door.

It'll only be a few minutes,

I promise.

Thank you. Thanks.

What's happened?

I don't know. I set everything

according to specs.

Well, fix it.

Looks fine to me.

It's green.

It's f***ing green!

You really can't tell, can you?

You're f***ing colour-blind.

- I'll fix it.

- Goddamn you!

I've got execs from Tokyo, every

network, and you pull a stunt like this?

- John, leave.

- I'm fired?

- Yeah. Get out.

- You can't do that.

It's done.

I've got the contacts.

Who do you think

got you the celebrities?

I sold Vidicons to Tommy Smothers,

Dick Martin, Bob Crane.

I sold a VTR to Elvis!

Do I need to call security?

One, two, three! I didn't think

she was gonna get that last one.

Oh, what a beautiful cake!

Is it supposed to do that?

It's broken.

Six months?

Can you refer me to somebody?

Right. All right.

Well, thank you.

John, it's Bob.

Yeah, I'm fine.

Yeah, how are you?

Oh, that's funny.

Well, the problem is, we've had a little

trouble with the VTR over here, and...

I know.

No, I know you're busy.

Of course.

I completely understand.

I thought maybe if you could...

...you know, squeeze us in.

You work on this?

Well, I...

It's the video head drum.

You can't fix it with Scotch tape,

you know.

Is it serious?

No, I should be able to put

another one in there pretty quick...

...as long as nothing else is f***ed up.

I really appreciate you coming over.

I tell anybody who asks:

"You need video equipment,

you see John Carpenter."

Dad!

- I'll be right there, honey!

- Bob?

I'm real sorry about

what went down at my place.

You're not still mad?

- I appreciate you coming over.

- Bob!

I'm not a fag.

About Dawson...

...I told him I was getting

too busy to see him much.

You did?

How'd he take it?

What choice did he have?

You're my number one man, Bob!

Copasetic?

Copasetic.

Good.

Because, if you're into it,

one of my clients is having...

...a party up in the hills on Friday.

Lots of ladies. A hippie thing.

Could be fun.

Come on!

Come on in.

Wow.

That's fun.

- Yes.

- Yeah!

- How's your show?

- Show's going really, real well.

Excuse me.

- Man, I loved your radio show.

- Yeah?

It was so cool,

you know, for its time.

- I used to listen every morning.

- Thank you.

- Can I get an autograph?

- Sure.

Will you sign me right here?

Thanks, Colonel Hogan.

Chinese, they'll just march right in.

- You know what I'm saying?

- Give peace a chance.

- What are you gonna do about it?

- Relax.

John!

- Whatever.

- We're guests.

I fought for my country.

Look at the jugs on her.

Carp? Get a load of this.

No, no, that's good. I like that.

Here we go.

Beautiful. Beautiful.

Want to try one of those

"schmile" pictures we talked about?

- Okay.

- Why not, huh?

We'll just...

There we go. And all set?

Ready.

- Schmile!

- Schmile!

Really great.

I'm a normal,

red-blooded American man.

I like to look at naked women.

I love breasts. Any kind. I love them.

B*obs, bazooms,

balloons, bags, bazongas.

The bigger, the better.

Nipples like udders, nipples like

saucers. Big pale, rosy-brown nipples.

Little bitty baby nipples.

Real or fake, what's the difference?

I like tits.

Who's kidding who?

Tits are great.

- There you are.

- Thank you.

Well, I just...

So you... You actually

went to Las Vegas with the...

- You can't even say his name?

- Well...

Come on. I told you I was going.

Sure, but I didn't think

you were really gonna do it.

Bob, honey, you're already married.

She doesn't understand this life.

She'd rather be back in Connecticut.

She's not a Hollywood person,

you know?

She's so good. She's like a...

A saint?

Come on, don't let her do that to you.

You are a good man.

What about the press?

The public reaction.

We've got nothing to be ashamed of.

You know, Ed actually suggested

we get married on the set.

CBS would love it.

Publicity.

Hey, remember what you said to me

the first time we had dinner together?

Yeah, that I was fluent in English.

You said you wanted to find

a woman who understands you.

I do. I do.

You know, I have to let you

in on a little secret, baby.

The other women?

I know all about them.

You're okay with that?

We only go around once in this life.

I never want to lie about

who I am and I never want you...

...to lie about who you are.

You're not gonna change.

I know who you are and I love you!

And I love f***ing you!

We can have any kind

of marriage we want.

You know, it can be such a drag.

I mean, chatting up broads.

You know me.

I'm a gentleman, I don't push.

But you gotta draw her out,

get her to talk about herself...

...listen to her, act like you

give a sh*t to get her clothes off.

- And then, not even that.

- That's life with the ladies.

Bobby comes in with

that crooked smile...

...and gets a strike on the

frigging line every time.

- Well, Bob's gotta be careful.

- What do you mean?

I warned him.

He shows me his car full of nudie

pictures of him getting sucked off.

I said, " Bob, you're a big star.

What happens if you get

pulled over by the cops?"

He'd hit on the Virgin Mary with

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