Awful Nice Page #4

Look at ya. Look at ya.

Just a little

brotherly competition.

Ah good.

- Which I won by the way.

What business do we have

here today, gentleman?

We're just signing some papers

and picking up some cash

I think.

[Laughs]

Slow down there chief.

Not quite that simple.

Now I'm not sure if you've

seen, but it's not exactly

in it's best condition.

It needs to go through a

little restoration process.

It's... let's see

what we got here.

Yep, alright. There you go.

Roof damage. A couple of

walls need retouching,

new furnace, switchboard,

uh pest control.

It shouldn't be a

problem to take care of.

Just a couple weeks

worth of work.

We were sort of under the

impression that we'd show up,

sign it over to you, get

some checks today possibly.

Uh, I could try to sell

it for you the way it is.

The bigger problem, is that

the off season just started,

so noone's looking to

develop right now. But uh...

We know you have nowhere

to go, but I have a job.

Do we have a plan b?

Well, the contractor can get

this baby looking brand new.

Couple weeks worth of work.

Uh, that might be your best

bet unless you want to, uh,

ride it out until spring.

Two months doesn't

sound too bad.

You need to stop talking.

We're not going to do that.

Sounds like to me hiring

up a crew is the next step.

Now I can make recommendations.

Or I could put the whole

thing together for you.

Alright, alright, what kind

of rip do you get on that?

We use your goons, you

get a kick back of what?

20 percent?

That's the scam? Ok...

That might work on these

yokels here, a**hole.

But I've been rolled

enough to see it coming.

I see you coming, and I

see right through you.

I think what my dumb brother's

trying to say is we appreciate

your help, we're not really

in the position to bring

What's this? What

are you doing here?

What, you give me a hundred,

I give you two hundred?

Is this the cup in the ball?

I don't know what's

going on here.

Jim, can I talk to you

outside for a second?

Yeah. Come here. I have

to talk to you outside.

Me and you, fixing

the house together.

No. Absolutely not.

Alright, listen. Hear me out.

Listen, listen!

I know how to do all the stuff.

I'll do all the floorplans.

I'll write- I'll make

the blueprints myself.

Dude, we don't know how

to fix a f***ing house.

I know how to fix houses. I

fixed houses for two years.

Oh, when did you fix

houses for two years?

Tulsa? You mean when you

were working at a zoo?

Yeah, I worked at a zoo,

building animal-

You were a groundskeeper. You

were a groundskeeper at a zoo.

You picked up dog sh*t

and fed mice to snakes.

Why would there

be dogs at a zoo?

The whole point of a zoo is

you get to see animals that you

That's your first point?

That's your first point?

Maybe the forty f***ing houses

I built after hurricane Katrina

where I volunteered,

because I had to.

Let's assume that you did

know what you were doing.

I don't have time to watch

you dick around trying to

fix a house. I gotta get

back to my life.

My kid and my lady.

You're picking them over me.

I'm not picking

anybody over anybody.

Sounds like your new family

is a little more important

Dude, come on. I don't have an

old family or a new family.

I have a family.

But they need me now.

If you won't do it

for me, do it for dad.

That's not cool.

Don't f***ing say

sh*t like that.

If you're not doing it

for dad, do it for me.

Well John, Dave and I were

talking outside and I think...

I think we're gonna take this

renovations on ourselves.

Is that a fact?

Sure is.

Well, I'm not gonna

try and stop you.

But... if I was a

betting man, and I am.

I'd bet my balls that you don't

get passed the front door.

Oh is that so? Well I

got news for you, John.

I fixed that door last

night actually, so...

And that's a fact.

[Crash]

I can fix that. I can fix that.

Fix that real quick.

Nothing wrong.

Probably fine.

[Crash]

You know what, we'll

put that on my tab.

We'll get a tab going.

We'll put that on the tab.

Boy you two, you remind

me exactly of your father.

Ah now he's trying

to get into our head.

That's it, that's it.

You boys go do what

you need to do.

I'll be here if you need me.

How does that sound?

Great.

In the meantime...

Your father had me put together

a little nest egg for you.

There's a lot of

money here, man.

He planned well for a rainy day.

This is for the door.

Well played kemosabe,

well played.

Dude, I guarentee that guys

crew is the Russian mafia.

He was talking about a

construction crew, dummy.

Russian mafia, dude. That's

what I'm telling you.

They shang hai 'em by the dozen.

They ship them in by

the boatload, man.

We do not want to get

mixed up with that sh*t.

Plus, we're gonna save

a shitload of money.

It's an awesome brother project

to do together which is like

the reason we're down here.

the car. I'll get the supplies

right now and come back.

No.

- Why? Just killing two birds-

I'm not going to let

you drive my car.

Why?

- 'Cuz you're a crazy person.

No, I'm not. I know what to-

do you wanna go?

No. I gotta-

you download your blogcast and

I'll go do the real work.

Dude, this is a

pretty involved thing.

I feel like we should-

- I've walked around.

Shouldn't we like

talk to a guy or something?

Yeah, we're the guys.

That's the best part.

Just me and you. We

get to figure it out.

So I'll bring it back and

then we'll get started.

Ok?

Be careful with my car.

Dude, you gotta learn

how to trust me, alright?

Alright, you stay here.

Go play minesweeper or

something and I'll be right back

[shot]

Come on, be careful!

So I think we're gonna

stay down here and

I thought you were just supposed

to go down there and

get the deed and then...

Come home?

Yeah, that's what I thought

too, but this place is

actually kinda trashed, and I

think Dave wants to do it

Yeah, I know, but I haven't seen

him for awhile and we spent a

lot time down here growin' up.

I don't know, I just-

I can't explain it.

You... can't fix a house, Jim.

I'm sorry. You couldn't

even fix a drain when it was

just clogged with hair.

Yeah, I know. But this place

means a lot to me.

I want to do this we got

all our old stuff here.

It should only be a couple days.

Why don't you just hire

somebody to do that...?

Dave won't sign the

deed unless we do this.

Plus, this is like the last

thing I'll ever do for my dad,

so I want to do it right.

Un-f***ing-believable.

Dave, you were gone for three

hours and you bought beer

instead of supplies.

What the f*** is wrong with you?

Dude, I got a shitload

of supplies in the car.

Check it out, man.

What is all this sh*t?

Party pad.

No, that shirt- that is the

ugliest shirt I've ever seen.

I found them outside some

like old folks' home, so...

Look, we're not here

to make a party pad.

We're here to fix what's broken

and get the f*** out of here.

I've been working all day.

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