Awful Nice Page #5

Getting all this stuff.

I need this money, David.

You want a cowboy hat?

No, I want this money.

I'm down to fix the house too.

Why can't we have

a little fun too?

I see what you're lookin' at.

Guess how much that was.

I don't want to.

- Guess.

I don't want to.

- Nine hundred bucks.

You paid nine hundred dollars-?

For virtual cop.

- Yeah, virtual cop two.

There's a certain level of

professionalism that

we expect from everyone here.

And that includes our

associate professors.

Now, I'm sorry about your father

but it's been over a week-

Jim, Jim, Jim.

I'm gonna call you back.

What do you want? What?

They got pretty much

everything we need in there,ok?

Supplies-wise.

I definitely shoulda came here

first. That one's on me.

Awesome. Let's go.

But uh... bad news is they are

closed for some reason.

I thought they closed

at seven, dude?

Maybe... is it like president's

day or something?

Old timey photo place

down the street.

I say we head down there, get

cowboyed up a little bit,

maybe get some tombstone

pics, and have fun.

This whole trips supposed to be

a little bit of renaissance for

a us both, right? Correct?

No, not at all.

I don't see why we

can't do both, alright?

Fix the house but also have

some decent brother time.

Now I say, we take these

envelopes we got from

charbineau. They're full of

coupons and sh*t for amazing

attractions around town,

have some fun today.

Then we start fixing the house.

No. You can't get

any work done.

The hardware store's closed.

We don't have any supplies.

Work for my job, dummy.

I'm already behind on like

seven different things.

We're doing this together.

No we're not, Dave.

I'm going back to the house.

Give me my keys.

Now I'm thinking...

What I was saying before...

What if you're like Wyatt earp's

like wife who's addicted to

cough syrup. Because I feel

like you're kinda in that

mode right now anyway where

you're kinda being a b*tch,

and I feel like I'm gonna

go a little bit more

of a bill Paxton route.

I feel like you're

getting angry right now.

Don't let my jacket

touch the ground.

Alright, now we're talking.

Oh, Jim, check this out.

Glug, glug, glub.

Easy there buckaroo.

I'm gonna need to see some ID

now before I let you go

drinking up all my swill.

[Laughing]

I'm just kidding of course.

My name's grant.

How you doin' grant?

Well grant, we both grew up

in Minneapolis matter of fact.

We're brothers.

Ahh, Great Lakes up there.

My son and I drowned

a cat up there once.

You don't say?

- That's right.

are looking to get a couple

pictures taken.

And I'm thinkin' like

third act tombstone.

You came to the

right place, sir.

Let's get you set up.

Alright.

They better be heavy.

Yum yum, drink up.

We payed ninety bucks for 'em.

These are ninety dollar drinks?

A piece, yeah.

But I mean, they're for

like eighteen people.

So, have you guys had a

chance to look at the menu?

We need like another

minute to-

I think we're good.

I'm gonna do...

Let's do two chicken

almond dings.

Um... three of those

window specials.

I saw a guy eating lo mein

tacos, but I didn't

Yeah, they're on our

very special menu.

For very special costumers.

She's already hooking us up.

I like this already.

For drink wise...

Other then these, just three

Tequila shots,

three orange whips, three beers.

That's it, for right now.

And you?

Oh no, it's for both of us.

We're brothers.

This is my brother.

Hi.

Oh hi.

I'm Dave by the way.

I forgot to- so rude.

Oh these are beautiful rings.

[Kisses]

Are those mood rings?

I can tell because you

look so happy.

And you are?

Jim.

Petra.

You have really nice hands.

I'm actually married so, uh...

Oh, me too.

Hey me too. We're all married.

No you're not.

I'm gonna get your food order

and deal with some other

costumers. I will be back.

Enjoy these drinks.

See you soon.

Thank you, bye.

Dude, what the f***

was that all about?

You talking about

being married and sh*t?

Like she doesn't wanna know-

she didn't ask you that.

She doesn't care about that, ok?

Me and her had a thing going.

You jumped in and tried to

get in on it too,

Ok, first off, she was

flirting with both of us.

No, first off, she was

being polite to you.

We had a flirt going, and you,

you kind of snuck in and she

felt kind of obligated because

this is like her job to like

make the costumers happy.

You know that girl's a hooker,

right?

Sorry. That was inappropriate.

That just shows what

my feelings are.

You talk about a guy's

girl like that...

I just had no idea that you

had such a thing for hookers.

She comes to this country from

Russia to try to make a living

for herself and you are

belittling her-

she's totally British.

She's not... I know what

Russian girls sound like.

You are the dumbest

person I've ever met.

She's Russian doing

a British accent.

You think she's a Russian

non-hooker, and

she's a British whore.

Let's just drop it.

She's a whore.

I'll do one for my

wife and one for me.

I love facial hair.

Facial hair is so sexy.

Right?

Let's do one before I go.

I'd grind you up and

turn you into a hotdog.

To your wife.

I feel like we're really putting

this in progress tonight.

Ebony and ivory go together...

Who am I?

Stevie wonder.

Ray Charles.

I don't smell like an idiot?

This is Louie ck, man.

Yeah?

Well. Good sh*t.

Haha, look at these guys.

What, this guy ever make

out with a girl before?

Look at him.

He's fumbling around.

Yeah, that's a joke.

She's not that hot.

Yeah, get it buddy.

Yeah.

Grab her ass.

Grab her ass. Finish.

business in an alley way.

Oww.

What the f***?

How did a Latino bean and

broccoli turtle

end up in branson?

What happened to you?

I just got my ass kicked.

I told you that

girl was trouble.

It wasn't her.

It was these guys.

Those guys?

Yeah.

Well I guess we should get rid

of your karate trophies 'cuz...

Me and my brother need

to tell you a secret.

Come here real quick.

We just want to

bury the hatchet.

What are you doing, Dave?

Jim, we'll figure it out.

We always do.

No, we never do.

Now, what I don't understand

is, if these two guys

are from Cleveland,

then where are you-

[punch]

[Sigh]

You boys gonna be

here a long time.

See that?

Aviator.

That's me.

Flying this ship.

Now pick 'em up.

What? No.

That's alright.

The point I'm trying to

make is, I'm in charge.

You understand?

I'm the boss!

Bruce!

Heel.

Well, well, well.

[Chuckles]

I see you met my killer.

Y'all be careful, because

I say the word, he attacks.

What's the word?

Go.

Stop.

Did you say it?

Or were you just

telling 'em the word?

I was telling 'em

the word, Bruce.

Alright, 'cuz I just

wanted that word.

He's anxious.

He's hungry to kill.

I want the word.

Just like I'm

hungry for a snack.

Mmm.

He's hungry.

Do you want like a spoon?

Huh?

That you can eat with?

We got spoons here.

I happen to enjoy

it oyster style.

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