Bachelor Party 2: The Last Temptation Page #3

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Well, he can't come with.

This is a bachelor party, not Romper Room.

- Ron?

- Ron?

- Ron?

- [Jet Engine Whining ]

Wait a minute. This?

This is your future

father-in-law's plane, man?

Way to go, Federline.

- And this Todd guy, he's gonna

pay for the whole weekend?

- Yeah, l guess so.

- [ Laughs ]

- Sounds gay to me, man.

Yeah, we don't have

to put out, do we?

Yeah, l'm not sleepin'

with your brother-in-law, Ron.

JJ [ Radio:
Hip-hop ]

- [ Tires Screech ]

- What a douche.

My niggas!

Huh? What about this?

So, uh, guys, this is Todd.

Todd, the guys.

Gentlemen. Let's do this.

- [ Derek ] Nice sweater.

l guess purple's coming back.

- Shotgun.

Whoa. What's with the kid?

- Oh, don't worry. He's the mature one.

- Perfect.

[ Laughs ]

- Uh--

- [ Chuckling ] Oh, man.

- What? What?

- Okay, okay, listen, guys.

Take your sea--

Why don't you have any pants on?

What, this is a private plane, right?

Them's my privates.

- [ Laughs ]

- [ Derek ] Eww.

Anyway, look. Couple of flight attendants

are gonna come out.

Go over some safety precautions.

lt's not a big deal.

- Great.

- Oh, ladies?

- Hello, boys. l'm Mandy.

- And l'm Sandy.

And l'm in the upright

and locked position.

Yeah!

[ Laughs ]

We'll be serving you

all the way to sunny Florida.

And l got two million

airline miles. Yeah!

Hey, Derek. Offspring.

Aw, geez. Hold on.

Come on, ''Melvoid.''

Let's go.

Dad, it's Tommy, dumb ass.

Go see Captain Larry in the cockpit.

- l don't wanna go to the cockpit.

- Captain Larry.

Don't forget to wipe your ass.

ln the event of a water landing...

you will find several

flotation devices...

on board the aircraft.

[ Cell Phone Ringing ]

Talk to me, Billy.

l've checked you into the suite and

made sure the bar is fully stocked.

- What about decorations for the room?

- l'm taking care of that now.

[ Chattering ]

[ Tommy ]

Guys, come on. Let me out.

[ Laughs ]

Oh.

[ Derek Muttering ]

You, sir, know how to travel.

Well, nothing is too good

for my new bro.

- All right.

- Mmm.

Speakin' of which, have you ever

had two girls at once?

Uh, actually, sadly, no.

But, uh, have you?

Of course, or else

l wouldn't be married.

Listen. l cannot let my new brother get

married till he has had a hat trick...

and l happen to have it

on very good authority...

that Sandy and Mandy are,

mmm, morally flexible.

[ Laughs ]

And l love that about them.

I do, but, uh--

l don't know,

l think this weekend...

l just wanna hang out

with you guys...

and get drunk

and maybe crap my pants.

- You know. l'm a traditionalist.

- Okay. You know what?

l'm gonna let this little Boy Scout routine

fly for right now.

- [ Laughs ]

- Let me tell you something.

My motto in business and in life...

is ''balls to the wall.''

Now, the mark

of a good bachelor party...

is the bachelor

getting laid early and often.

And the Todd only throws

the best bachelor parties.

Ladies, do your worst.

Guys, I'm-I'm fine. I really don't

want a lap dance now. I'm fine.

- [ Both Giggling ]

- Whoa.

Wait. Can l just--A little Purell first?

Like, two-two squirts, please?

Shut it, germ boy.

[ Screams ]

Oh, dear God!

- [ Mandy ] Bye.

- Okay. All right.

Thank you, ladies.

Yeah! [ Laughs ]

Drained it.

[ Derek ]

See you on the lnternet. [ Laughs ]

[ Mandy ]

See you on the way back.

See ya. Thanks. Whoa.

- [ Thuds ]

- [ Whimpers ]

[ Groans ]

- All right?

- Way to go.

One minute in Miami and

two broken arms. That's our Seth.

All right, gentlemen.

Gentlemen, listen up. This is Billy.

He's gonna be helping us out

with the, uh, festivities this weekend.

- What's up?

- Let's check it out.

Come on.

Left, right.

- Welcome to the presidential suite.

- Wow.

Ha, ha!

Oh, my God. They're really

letting me in this place?

[ Laughing ]

Oh, look at this. Whoo!

Dip my balls in champagne,

'cause l'm in heaven.

Groovy, Todd.

Damn, Ron, l might just bang

your brother-in-law after all, man.

Oh, well, thanks for that image.

[ Laughs ]

Geez.

- You good over there, Seth?

- Yes.

All right, pal.

This place is amazing.

- Thank you.

- Aw, nothin' but the best.

Now, there is one more

stop on the tour.

[ Chuckling ]

Yeah.

- [ Chattering ]

- Gentlemen, say hello to my little friends.

[ Giggling ]

- Guten Tag.

- Hello.

Guten Tag.

JJ [ Singing ln German ]

Eins! Zwei! Drei!

Whoo!

[ With German Accent ]

Long live Hitler!

[ Groans ]

Just gonna-- l'm gonna hit the head.

[ Ron ]

What are you trying to do, kill me?

- [ No Audible Dialogue ]

- [ Chattering ]

- Hey.

- Move.

- So what do we got?

- All right, so--

- There's a camera in every single room.

- Perfect.

lf this guy so much as pops a stiffy,

we're gonna get it on tape.

l'm telling you, that German chick

said something about Hitler.

My German's a little rusty,

but l am pretty sure that she said...

''Long live Hitler.''

Seth? Relax, pal.

Get a massage.

l'm serious, okay?

As the onlyJew here, all right...

l feel it is my responsibility

to be concerned...

that our roommates might be Nazis.

All right, buddy,

l'll tell you what.

lf they even think about invading Poland,

we'll let somebody know.

All right, Ronny.

Gin and tonic time, buddy.

Oh, fire it up. Ahhh.

Will you just drop it, please?

Hey, l'm cool

with your sexuality, D.

lt's just, l don't

swing that way, man.

Look. Asking you to rub sunblock

on my back does not make you gay.

Seriously. You might as well

have asked me for a hand job.

- Okay, that is just sick.

- Hey.

l smell cocktail wieners.

What?

Eureka.

- Okay.

- What are you doing?

You don't even know

what the S.A.A. is.

lt's Sales Associates

of America or some crap.

Just, you know,

talk about selling and goal realization...

and all that other

Tony Robbins sh*t.

Why am l Tubbs?

Because you, sir, are no Crockett.

[ Clicks Tongue ]

To be honest with you,

l was a bit nervous coming here.

When we first proposed a Sex Addicts

Anonymous retreat, people rolled their eyes.

- The were, like, ''Why not just call it an orgy?''

- Ooh.

Oh, no, you'll see.

These retreats offer

a very supportive environment...

where we can focus on healing

and getting on the road to recovery.

This weekend, sex will be

the farthest thing from your mind.

[ Chattering ]

l can't get enough of that--

- You like guns, Pop?

- What is that?

The best day of my life was the day

they gave me my 1 0-year chip.

Oh, welcome. l'm Sue Hoover,

president of the Southeast chapter.

Oh, nice to meet you, Sue--

All of you.

So what chapter are you from, Tubbs?

ls that your first name?

- Uh--

- Actually, that's his last name.

Yeah, l'm Sonny

and that's my partner Rico.

Yeah. And we're from

the Midwest chapter.

- Welcome, Sonny and Rico.

- Yeah.

So, how long have you two been

in the program?

- Oh, not very.

- Well, speak for yourself, Rico...

'cause I've been a member

for, oh, gosh, like, 20 years.

- Twenty years? My goodness.

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