Bachelor Party 2: The Last Temptation Page #7

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[ Chattering ]

lf you don't already have someone performing

your wedding, l'm also a licensed minister.

Uh, that would be just lovely.

[ Chattering, Laughter]

This is your book club?

Come on! Go home!

Nobody likes you.

For the love of God, take a rest!

[JacuzziJets Whirring ]

So, you guys offer

limo service, right?

The presidential suite.

Now, bachelorette,

I'll bet you're hungry, my dear.

Would you care for a scone?

- Hi.

- [ Sighs ]

Grandma Rose?

[ Gags ]

Well, hello, Melinda dear!

TheJapanese have surrendered!

The war is over!

Great-Grandma?

Would you look at us?

Four generations together

at book club.

l need a refill.

Come on, baby. Daddy needs a rest.

[ Sighs ]

- Hey, fellas, look, a hot tub!

- No, it's--

lt's closed for maintenance.

l'm cleaning it.

Looks like

a clothing optional tub too.

- [Jets Sucking ]

- [ Groans ] l'm stuck!

- Excuse me.

- Oh, God!

Looks nice.

- [ Gasps ]

- [ Men Chattering ]

Well, well, l thought

you hadn't made it.

Sorry, l was just freshening up.

Oh. You freshen up nice.

Half now, half after.

And when you're done,

you come party with a real man.

Sounds great.

- Go get him.

- [ Pats Bottom ]

- JJ [ Hip-hop ]

- Get it ready! lt's time

for the hot body dance contest!

Now, whoever shakes her thing for the crowd

and gets the most applause wins $500!

- Are you with me?

- [ Cheering ]

Yeah!

First up is sexy Kirstie.

Hey, 500 bucks just

for shaking your tits?

You should get in on that, man.

You got lovely tits.

What are they, a full ''B'' cup?

Don't you have, like, a lost child

and future ex-wife to find?

You know what?

That cut. That cut real deep.

ls it gay that we're

in this hammock together?

- JJ [ Continues ]

- [ Cheering Continues ]

- Looks like her years of tap lessons paid off.

- Hey.

Wow. Uh, this is new.

Okay. You look amazing.

l'm--Are you on next or something?

l got disqualified. 'Roids.

Ah, yes. See, l suspected

you might be a juicer.

- Mojito?

- You speak my language.

- Shall we?

- Ah, yes.

Excuse me, ladies.

May l interest you in a cocktail?

Oh, yes. l slept with

a colored man once.

- Shh!

- He was the milkman.

Oh, he was so big,

and black as night.

- Okay, Mother. Okay.

- He sure delivered the milk that day!

Okay, uh, if you'll all excuse me.

I'm gonna go--

I'm gonna check in with Ron.

Mmm!

[ Cell Phone Rings ]

Ooh, Todd. Looks like Ron

forgot his phone.

Oooh, score.

All right, ladies. Get lost. Go.

[ Girl ]

Okay. See ya.

- [ Rings ]

- Ron's phone.

Hey. Todd?

Oh, hi, Mel.

You know what?

l would get Ron, but he's a little,

uh, indisposed at the moment.

- ls he throwing up?

He's-- He's kind of a lightweight.

- Not exactly.

Mel, are you sure you want

to invite this guy into our family?

What?

Listen, Ron has been sleeping

with everything in a skirt out here.

Do you guys have some kind

of arrangement or something? Hello?

- Mel?

- [ Dial Tone Humming ]

Next stop, corner office!

More shots!

- Ooh!

- Shots!

lt doesn't seem like Ron at all.

lt's better you found out now.

Next time he falls asleep, cut one

of his balls off. That'll teach him.

Not now, Mother!

- l have to see him. Tonight.

- [ Autumn ] You want to go to Miami tonight?

l'll call your father.

We can take the jet.

Ooh-hoo. All right, guys,

give it up one more time for Candy!

All right.

Last but certainly not least...

we have the beautiful...

Jason?

- Oh, my God!

- Oh, God.

- [ Exhales ]

- JJ [ Dance Rock ]

[ Man ]

Get off the stage, loser!

- Yeah!

- Whoo!

[ All Cheering ]

- Yeah!

- Whoo! Yeah!

[ Emcee ]

All right, guys. This is crazy.

For the first time

in club history we have a tie...

- between Candy...

- [ Cheering ]

- and Jason!

- [ Loud Cheering ]

Now, right here, that can only mean

one thing. l'm talking about a dance off!

[ Loud Cheering ]

- You're going down, fatty.

- Oh, bring it on, sugar tits.

First up, Candy!

[ Loud Cheering ]

JJ [ Dance ]

Don't get mad, girl.

[ Gasps ]

Oh, that is not nice.

Oh, man,you can't beat that.

You can't beat that.

[ Chanting ]

Jason!Jason!Jason!

[ Crowd Chanting Along ]

Jason!Jason!Jason!

Jason!Jason!Jason!

Jason!Jason!Jason!

Jason!Jason!Jason!

Jason!Jason!

Jason!Jason!Jason!

- [ Cheering Stops ]

- [ Gasps ]

- Yeah!

- [ All Cheering ]

Yeah!

We have a winner! Big Jason!

[ Laughs ]

l do not know where they are.

- Maybe they took a few groupies back

to the hotel or something.

- [ Laughs ]

[ Shivers ]

ls it me or is it freezing?

Um, we can go.

You--You wanna go?

- Yeah, let's go.

- All right.

- Hey, hey. Ron just left with Eva.

- Perfect.

Just to be sure, get every hot piece

of ass here back to the suite.

Okay. Hey, what should l tell them?

l don't give a sh*t. Get it done or you're

gonna be walking back to Cleveland.

- All right?

- Okay.

Yeah. Thanks, bro.

Man, l've always wanted one of these.

[ Seth ]

Guys! Guys!

Come here. Oh, thank God.

Thank God!

You have no idea what l've been through.

Help me get me out of this chlamydia stew!

- [ Both Groan ]

- Come on, man!

l swear to God, if l see any more man junk

on this trip, l'm gonna gouge my eyes out.

- Who's the degenerate now?

- Okay? Get a girlfriend.

- Are you serious?

- Get a watermelon.

Are you serious?

Hey, come on!

l-- l think l lost a ball!

[ Groans ]

[ Man ]

Hey, fellas, look, a hot tub.

- [ Neck Muscles Cracking ]

- [ Screams ]

[ Derek Over Phone ] I'm worried about you,

and I love you. Okay?

Okay, good-bye.

- That was weird.

- What?

My dad. We had a fight today...

and he actually apologized,

which is a first.

Hey, driver, are there

any karaoke bars around here?

[ Girls Chattering Excitedly ]

Get down here! This guy just invited us

toJustin Timberlake's hotel room!

Congratulations toJeff

for earning his one-year chip!

And next up, we have Betty who

has earned her six-month chip.

Come on up here, Betty!

[ Laughing ]

Excuse me.

ls this the Timberlake orgy?

- Um, no, afraid not.

- Sorry.

Betty? Where are you?

Betty? Wait!

No, don't go! You must avoid

your lust triggers!

[ Girls Screaming ]

[ Mutters ]

- [ Shouting Continues ]

-Justin!

[ Laughs ]

Wow. You look tense.

Uh, yeah, yeah. lt's been a tense weekend.

Let me ask you something.

ls a bachelor party the last chance

for someone to convince the bachelor...

that they're making a huge mistake?

ls that it?

l don't know. Are you?

- What? Making a mistake?

- Yeah.

l don't know.

l-- l don't think so.

You don't think so? Well, if that's

not true love, l don't know what is.

[ Chuckles ]

Okay, well, in your infinite wisdom...

maybe you can tell me how do you know

that your fianc is the one?

l never said he was.

Well, why did you say ''yes''?

'Cause he asked, l guess.

Look, l'm not the one

with the wedding date.

Life is short and l want to be sure.

[ Chattering ]

- l love Miami.

- Sonny.

Oh. Hey, Betty.

So, l've got a few friends

that are in need of your expertise.

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