Bachelor Party 2: The Last Temptation Page #8

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- Oh. Well, okay.

- All right. Come on, girls.

Oh. Uh-- Oh.

l don't know, Betty.

l mean, my penis is really tired.

- [ Girls Groan ]

- Your cock can sleep when it's dead.

- Okay?

- Yeah, yeah. Yeah!

- Okay. Yeah, let's do this!

- Oh, good!

Okay, first bedroom on the right.

[ Growling ]

Yeah, l can't wait.

Tall. Blonde. You're getting it.

Here you go. l'm outta here.

Witness the sickness!

Hey. Go get some hair plugs.

Come on. Where's Ron?

[ Groans ]

My God!

- l know they're sex addicts, but come on!

- [ Betty Growls ]

[ Derek ] You guys seen a kid, huh?

Anybody,you seen a kid?

You seen a kid?

- Hey, Seth.

- Hey.

- How'd you get out of the hot tub, man?

- l don't want to talk about it.

Sebastian and Meat, this is Derek.

Derek, Sebastian, Meat.

Have you seen, uh--

seen Tommy anywhere?

- No, sorry.

- Meat?

All right.

Let me know, man. Tommy?

Well, l'm gonna take the longest shower

in recorded history.

Make yourselves at home.

Tommy!

Tommy.

Where have you been?

l've been so worried about you.

What are you wearing?

- Who's your friend?

- Dad, this is Sonia Hernandez Murphy.

Murphy. Okay, okay.

Yeah, same last name. Small world.

Dad, this is the woman

you married last night.

Oh, my God!

l'm so sorry.

l didn't recognize you.

You see, last night--

- You were hammered.

- [ Exhales ]

lt's so good to see you!

[ Gasps ]

Okay, okay.

Yeah. Uh, Tommy,

can l see you for a sec?

Excuse me, Sonia.

How did you find her?

l checked out a couple karaoke bars.

What? Karaoke bars?

Dad, you love karaoke.

Mom loves karaoke.

So do your other ex-wives.

So why would number four be any different?

Now listen.

She's an aerobics instructor...

loves merlot, hates smoking,

and her family owns the Miami Dolphins.

- Holy sh*t. Really?

- Yeah, she's loaded.

So don't blow this.

Now go talk to your wife.

- Sonia! [ Chuckles ]

- [ Giggles ]

[ Exhales ]

lt's so clean and organized.

lt's so German.

Whoa.

Oh, my God.

Seth!

- [ Gasps ] Oh, hey.

- [ Vibrating ]

Gerda. Hi. l was...just gonna

borrow some Purell.

No, it's not--it's not

what it looks like. I was--

- Oh, Seth!

- No!

- Oh, Seth, yes!

- Okay.

Well, l-l--

l've never been married...

so l don't have a lot of experience

with this subject matter.

But with Mel...

things just feel right.

Hmm. Well...

what about this?

- Does this feel right?

- Uh-- l, um-- l, uh--Who needs a drink?

Yes, let's have a toast.

- Oh, yeah.

- To life being short.

Um--

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

We--We can't--We can't do this.

l know that what l'm doing is right.

And Mel is the one for me.

l'm sure of that.

And l know that your fianc...

is an incredibly lucky man...

to be marrying an amazing

woman like-- like you.

- l'm sorry.

- Don't. Please, don't apologize.

Yes, l-l should because

l'm-- l'm not getting married.

And l'm far from an amazing woman.

But you're a really good guy...

unlike your buddy Todd.

[ Chuckles ]

What?

[ Screaming ]

Jesus!

[ Gasps ]

- Oh, Seth! Seth!

- l'm going to hell!

l'm going to hell, but it's okay.

l'm sorry, Grandma!

- I'm so sorry!

- [ German ]

- Oh, God! [ Shouting ]

- Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

What are you doing here?

Where's Ron?

Sleeping it off on the beach.

Mission accomplished.

Really? Well, l need proof.

Oh, l've got it.

Pictures galore.

Excellent. Let's see.

We could do that now, or...

you and l could celebrate.

Billy.

Leave now.

[ Door Opens ]

- [ Door Closes ]

- Dut, dut, dut, dut, dut.

By the way...

- [ Vibrating ]

- l like to get wild.

You like to get wild,

don't you, Todd?

Oh.

Hey, fellas.

[ Crowd Chanting ]

Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink!

Drink! Drink! Drink!

Drink! Drink! Drink!

- [ Cheering ]

- [ Boy ] Mazel tov!

[ Chattering ]

Where is she going?

She went home. l told her

l'd see her tomorrow at the annulment.

You're not gonna stay

with her? She's perfect!

l know that, buddy,

but l told her...

l've got a couple of few very

important things back in Cleveland.

That was stupid.

She's rich!

You gotta relax, okay? We're still dating.

We're gonna do the long-distance thing.

l'm not that stupid. Right?

Hang on a sec.

[ Betty ]

See, he was wonderful.

Excuse me, ladies.

Hi. l, uh-- l hate to ask this...

but what exactly is Jason's--

Uh, Sonny's secret?

l don't know what to tell you, Rico.

lt's a God-given talent.

- He's like Mother Teresa.

- Wait a minute.

He's like Mother Teresa in the sack?

Yeah, he is. l just wish

he was staying longer.

There are so many more of us

that need to be cured.

Cured? The only thing

that guy could cure is a ham!

l've been a sex addict all my life.

l have tried everything.

Even electroshock therapy.

Nothing worked... until l slept with Sonny.

lt was so--

[ Gags ] foul.

l don't think l'll ever have sex again!

He's an angel.

[ Chuckles ]

Hey, he is an angel.

- Well, thanks, ladies.

- Yeah, sure.

He's an angel.

[ Laughing ]

Whoo! I am wiped out.

Man, those chicks were passing me

around like the Stanley Cup in there.

- l bet they were, you pathetic--

- Sonny Crockett, you're the man.

Ah, l do my best. Now, l gotta find

a little beverage, replenish my fluids.

[ Laughing ]

Yeah.

l was gonna rip him a new one.

Sometimes you gotta let your buddies

have their little moment in the sun, okay?

And besides, we're gonna be

able to hang this over him forever.

Oh, yeah.

Ooh. Mmm, all right.

Come on. Let's do this.

- One more thing.

- What?

What--What are you doing?

Well, you know, Todd,

l thought a lot about what you said...

and you were right.

- l do want a threesome.

- [ Gasps ] l meant two girls, okay?

Two girls! Okay?

Come on, buddy.

Don't you wanna go

balls to the wall?

No, l-l-- l don't.

Guess what everybody.

l'm free from my penis!

l'm totally flaccid.

lt's great!

What, did your horse

stiffy juice run out?

Not exactly.

What are you gonna do with that?

- Oh.

- Seth. [ German ]

- Rar, rar, rar, rar.

- You slept with the Nazi?

She's a total neat freak, man,just like me.

lt's like we were destined to meet.

- Seth, you're a Jew.

- A self-loathing Jew. lt's perfect!

Hey, have, uh, you guys seen Ron?

Oh, God. Oh, God.

Ron, listen, it's cool.

Okay, it's cool. l like you.

Okay? This is just-- lt's not my thing!

- Okay?

- Shh.

lf this is going to be special,

l need it to be silent.

Oh, God.

Oh, God, no. No, listen. Listen.

[ Whimpering ]

Hey, Billy, have you seen--

Jesus Christ! What the f***, Ron?

What? What?

No, it's not what it looks like.

Todd was trying

to break Mel and l up...

because he was worried I was gonna

replace him at Mel's dad's company.

l don't even want the job, you dumb sh*t!

All l want is Mel.

[ Muffled Shouts ]

So in retaliation

you decided to rape him?

l can respect that.

Hey, fellas, looks like

the real party's in here.

[ Groans ]

So, is there an agreed

upon safe word or what?

- [ Moans ]

- lt's not what you think.

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