Bachelor Party Page #13

He takes out a fifty-dollar bill.

COLE:

(continuing)

And here's a fifty... I want this to

be a surprise, so you never saw me,

okay?

JUMBO:

(pocketing the money)

No problem.

Cole smiles happily as he slithers back to his car.

COLE:

(to himself)

Now she'll see what kind of jackoff

he is.

ANGLE - HOTEL

A parking VALET crosses to the bus as Rick hands him the

keys.

RICK:

Be careful with it. It's a rental.

The guys hop out with the enthusiasm of a home team that's

just won the state championship. They race in the front door.

A banner over the door reads: "WELCOME MISS MOOSEHEAD BEER

PAGEANT."

INT. HOTEL LOBBY - NIGHT

This is a pretty plush place. The kind of hotel that prides

itself on its classy image. The guys are totally unaware of

the sedate atmosphere in the lobby as they go screaming toward

the elevators.

O'NEILL

(to some dignified

guests)

We who are about to go ape sh*t salute

you.

RYKO:

All right, I'm stoked!

Just as they are about to get into the elevator, a hand comes

INTO FRAME and holds the door so it will not close.

WIDEN TO INCLUDE the MANAGER. All their carrying-on stops

when the guys see him staring grimly at them. If he wasn't a

hotel manager, he'd be a mortician. He has a constant

expression on his face that suggests he's constantly sucking

lemons.

MANAGER:

Just where do you guys think you

are?

O'NEILL

The Library of Congress?

CHULO:

Detroit?

LARRY:

Beyond the sun?

RICK:

Are any of those right?

MANAGER:

This is the Park View Hotel. I'm the

Hotel Manager. Are you looking for

someone?

RICK:

Yes, you. We're looking for our

room... 1002.

Rick takes out his key.

MANAGER:

It's on the tenth floor.

RICK:

What do you know, they moved it.

Catch you later.

The door starts to close and the guys start yelling.

MANAGER:

Keep your voices down. This is a

respectable establishment. We don't

go for any funny business here. Just

then a GUY with a Moosehead Beer hat

and TWO GUYS in a moose costume pass

him and enter the elevator with the

boys.

RICK:

I see what you mean... You're a

beautiful guy. And you're doing a

damn good job.

The door slams shut before the Manager can say anything else.

INT. THE THOMERSON'S - NIGHT

Several of Debbie's friends have arrived and are chatting

amiably in the living room. Phoebe is dipping potato chips

into a bowl that says "Muffy" on it.

PHOEBE:

Do you have any more of this dip,

Mrs. Thomerson? It's really excellent.

MRS. THOMERSON

You just ate Purina Cat Chow.

PHOEBE:

Gross me out...

Debbie comes into the living room and sits next to Bobbie.

DEBBIE:

(concerned)

What do you think's gonna go on at

the guys' party?

BOBBIE:

They'll probably get drunk, and watch

dirty movies. But don't worry about

the dirty movies.

DEBBIE:

What do you mean?

BOBBIE:

I forgot to tell you. Yesterday I

found a bunch of pornos in the back

seat of O'Neill's car.

DEBBIE:

You're kidding.

BOBBIE:

Nah. Everything's cool... I took

care of 'em.

(starts to giggle)

EXT. HOTEL HALLWAY - NIGHT

Rick, Ryko, O'Neill, Chulo, Larry and Stan are walking down

the hallway, looking for their room.

O'NEILL

1004, 1003...

(spots the room)

Aha! 1002.

The guys give out a hearty cheer as they huddle around the

door. O'Neill grabs the doorknob. He takes his time, playing

up the moment.

O'NEILL

(continuing)

And now...

The guys lean forward, anticipating the opening of the gates

of heaven.

O'NEILL

(continuing)

...to our honored guest Rick, and

his life-long friends, I say...

(turns the doorknob)

...gentlemen, start your boners.

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