Bachelor Party Page #14

He flings open the door and everyone but he and Rick burst

into the room.

INT. HOTEL SUITE - NIGHT

The guys all but dive into the room. It is a two-room suite

with living room/kitcheonette and separate bedroom. The room

has been decorated with balloons. A sign reads: "Happy

Bachelor Party!" It looks far from professionally decorated.

Chulo frantically checks out the rooms.

RYKO:

Bitchin' place.

He hangs a chin-up bar in a doorway and starts to chin

himself.

O'NEILL

I did the balloons myself.

He takes a prophylactic out of a Trojan carton. He blows it

up. On closer examination, we SEE all the balloons are

inflated prophylactics.

ANOTHER ANGLE:

Chulo returns from his search of the rooms.

CHULO:

(crazed)

Where's the women, man? We gotta

have women.

O'NEILL

Chulo, one thing at a time.

CHULO:

Sex is my one thing. I'm good at it.

STAN:

What's first?

O'NEILL

A bit of a warm-up.

He threads a film projector.

O'NEILL

(continuing)

We'll spend an hour with "Nymphos

Without Pants"...

RICK:

Olivier's in that, right?

O'NEILL

Then it's on to the real thing.

GUYS:

(cheering)

All right!

Ryko flips off the lights as O'Neill puts the projector into

forward and the title flashes on a movie screen. All the

guys yell in anticipation.

HOME MOVIE SCREEN

We SEE a man stepping out of a shower. He puts on his robe

and exits the bathroom. To his surprise and to the delight

of our guys, two young, beautiful Nordic looking women,

dressed in micro-minis and see-through blouses stand waiting

for him.

CHULO (O.S.)

They're Danish, I know it. I'm crazy

for Danes.

RYKO AND CHULO:

sit watching the screen.

RYKO:

(to Chulo)

Denmark makes great Nautilus

equipment.

CHULO:

I'd like to jerk and press those

babies.

RICK AND O'NEILL

RICK:

(to O'Neill)

And I thought we wouldn't have any

meaningful conversation.

ON SCREEN:

The man takes off his robe. The girls start to seductively

undress.

GUYS (O.S.)

(excitedly)

All right, yeah, yeah, yeah...

Suddenly an abrupt jump cut. The girls are undressed and

lying on top of the man. Our guys are seriously let down.

GUYS:

EVERYONE:

(disappointed)

Awwww...

O'NEILL

He can't figure it out.

ON THE SCREEN:

As the women kiss the man from his head slowly down his chest,

past his navel and heading south...

GUYS:

Their eyes start to widen like a child in a Keene painting.

GUYS:

Yes, go, go, yes, go...

ON THE SCREEN:

Another abrupt jump cut spliced together with what looks

like a band-aid, and the girls are sitting on the side of

the bed. The man is recovering from the best sex he's ever

encountered.

GUYS:

GUYS:

(disappointed)

Awwwwww...

Rick turns to a shocked O'Neill.

RICK:

Excuse me, but this is as arousing

as a stroll through the Vatican.

O'NEILL

This isn't right.

GUYS' POV

They watch the screen. The two women seem to be taking a

liking to each other. They begin to fall onto the bed and

entwine.

GUYS:

Please, yes, do it, yes, yes, oh

yes...

A jump cut and they are dressing. Stan can't take it anymore.

He jumps to his feet.

STAN:

Where are the dirty parts? I'm a

doctor. I can see these things.

CHULO:

What a waste of two women.

O'Neill rises abruptly.

O'NEILL

I don't get it, but at least Gary's

got the real stuff coming up here in

a few minutes.

CHULO:

(in ecstasy)

Women!

Everyone cheers.

INT. THOMERSON HOUSE

The girls are having a great time. The front DOORBELL RINGS.

Mrs. Thomerson answers it. Standing in the doorway is Tina

Stahl, Stan's wife; she's late for the shower. Behind her

are two obvious hookers: Margot and Darlene. Tina doesn't

know either of the girls.

MRS. THOMERSON

Yes?

Before Tina can speak, Margot speaks up. She's reading from

the piece of paper Cole gave her.

MARGOT:

(through heavy gum

chewing)

Yeah, hi. Look, is this...

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