Bachelor Party Page #23

LARRY:

I couldn't find any razor blades.

RICK:

Well, this is terrific. Now you're

gonna have wrists that are smooth

and kissable. Just go out there.

Forget about everything and laugh it

up.

LARRY:

(suddenly laughs like

a crazy man)

Ha, ha, ha.

RICK:

No, have fun first. Then laugh. Now,

forget about marriage for a while.

Go party.

As he shoves Larry out, Gary enters the bathroom. His

expression tells us he's had the best sex of his life.

RICK:

Gary, how we doing, big stallion?

GARY:

Rick, I really think I'm in love.

RICK:

This is cause for celebration. She'll

probably charge half price for sex

from now on.

Rick exits as Gary dreamily crosses to the mirror.

GARY:

(into mirror)

This time it's real. She's wonderful.

Gary's "woman" enters and closes the door. Their eyes meet.

Gary takes her hand and kisses it gently. She turns away,

then lifts up the toilet seat, lifts up her dress and proceeds

to pee. She is a man. Gary is stunned. His jaw drops open.

Gary's dream girl/guy finishes his business. He drops his

dress and turns to Gary.

SHE:

The name's Tim. I'm always available.

He blows a kiss and starts to leave, but turns back.

SHE/TIM

By the way... I also do engine work

on BMW's. 'Bye.

Tim exits. Gary feels filthy. He rips open the cabinet, takes

out tooth paste and toothbrush and vigorously brushes his

teeth. He rips off his clothes and jumps in the shower and

scrubs as if he's scraping barnacles off a hull of a tugboat.

EXT. STABLES - NIGHT

Ryko and Stan drive up to a country stable. They get out of

the car and open a barn door. Both are pleased at what they

see.

RYKO:

All right.

ANOTHER ANGLE:

Standing there is a donkey, eating straw.

EXT. HOTEL - NIGHT

Cole drives up in his Chulo-customized Porsche. He gets out,

then reaches back into the car and takes out a crossbow (the

heavy duty metal kind hunters use). He looks up menacingly

at the hotel and spots the room where the party is going on.

He sees another hotel across the way. He gets an idea and

enters the other hotel.

INT. HOTEL SUITE

The party is going full blast. Some other girls and a couple

of guys (hotel guests) enter the room and are quickly swept

up in the spirit of the party. O'Neill approaches Rick.

O'NEILL

Rick, I'm concerned.

RICK:

About what?

O'NEILL

This is your bachelor party. You

haven't had sex with anyone yet.

RICK:

(trying to joke his

way out of it)

Get a few drinks into me, we'll dance

and see what happens.

O'NEILL

I got something you can't resist. I

have a friend, Tracey. She wants to

meet you. She loves to please.

RICK:

Oooooo.

O'NEILL

(indicating the bedroom)

Right in there, pal.

RICK:

If I'm not out in a half hour, send

for the paramedics.

O'NEILL

That's the old Rick!

Rick enters the bedroom.

INT. BEDROOM

It's dark, but for a lamp on the nightstand which is on. In

one corner of the room we SEE the figure of a woman.

RICK:

Hellooo!

Tracey walks toward Rick. The light illuminates her. What we

see is truly the most beautiful woman on earth. She is totally

nude. A vision that would make any man screw and ask questions

later.

RICK:

(to himself;

overwhelmed by her)

Eat my chair!

TRACEY:

Take me... please.

Rick instinctively makes a move toward her. He decides to go

for it.

RICK'S POV - TRACEY

Just then a strange thing happens to Tracey's face. It

transforms into Debbies.

ANOTHER ANGLE:

Rick stops dead in his tracks. He can't believe it. Debbie's

face is now on Tracey's body.

TRACEY/DEBBIE

You promised me, Rick. You promised

you wouldn't make love to anyone

else.

Rick is shaken by this. He shakes his head and wipes at his

eyes. Debbie's face is gone. He moves toward Tracey again.

TRACEY:

Her face transforms into Sister Mary Francis.

TRACEY/SISTER MARY FRANCIS

Don't go back on your word, Rick. Be

true; be strong.

Sister Mary Francis's face disappears.

ANOTHER ANGLE:

RICK:

I can't do it.

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