Bachelor Party Page #27

STAN:

What? I thought you told me you had

it all figured out.

RYKO:

Maybe I did... I don't remember.

STAN:

(through clenched

teeth)

I'd love to get you in an operating

room. Just once.

ANGLE - HOTEL ENTRANCE

Just then the "Moose" from the beauty pageant steps outside

the hotel for a smoke.

The guy in front removes the head, takes a drag of his

cigarette and passes it to the guy bringing up the rear.

After a beat, smoke steams out the rear end of the costume.

ANGLE - THE GUYS IN THE CAR

They both have the same idea. They stroll out of the car and

approach the two men in the moose suit. We can't hear what

they're saying, but we can SEE the bills Stan is taking out

of his pocket. Ryko grabs the moosehead and runs over to the

trailer with it.

INT. HOTEL LOBBY - A FEW MINUTES LATER

The door opens and Stan and Ryko enter pulling the "Moose"

by a rope.

RYKO:

Can you believe how perfect it fits?

STAN:

Yeah. Who'd have thought they'd both

be a size 138 regular.

Just then Rick and O'Neill saunter into the lobby.

O'NEILL

Hey, you guys...

RICK:

Who's your friend?

STAN:

(keeping it a surprise)

Oh... it's... er... the guys from

the beer convention. We're bringing

them to the party.

RICK:

Great.

(to moose)

I was wondering, how do you guys go

to the bathroom in that thing?

At that moment he HEARS a SPLAT hit the ground. The guys

look down and see a large, shiny clump of shiny brown

excrement nestled in the shag carpet.

RICK:

(continuing)

Say no more.

The Manager crosses to them.

MANAGER:

I don't know which one of you did

this, but you're not going anywhere

till you clean up this disgusting

mess.

O'NEILL

(resigned)

Anybody got a paper towel or a shovel

or something?

All the guests turn away in disgust. Stan takes out a

handkerchief and hands it to Rick, who closes his eyes and

picks up the warm little bundle. The Manager turns and walks

off in a huff. On the way back to the elevator, Rick checks

to see no one is watching and places the handkerchief's

contents on the front desk, just OUT OF FRAME. Smiling

contentedly, the guys lead the reluctant "moose" into the

elevator. The doors slam shut.

ANGLE AT THE DESK

The Manager is just finishing checking in a couple from out

of town.

MANAGER:

I'll have the boy take your bags up.

He goes to hit the bell and to his surprise, his hand comes

down on something soft and mushy. The look on his face tells

us what it is. It's the "gift" Rick left behind.

MANAGER:

(to couple)

Excuse me. I seem to have a hand

full of potty.

Revolted, he races into a room marked "MEN."

ANGLE - BALLROOM DOORS

The doors open and several people from the Moosehead beauty

pageant come out. Mr. Thomerson is one of them.

EXECUTIVE:

Thanks for helping us out, Ed. We

appreciate it.

MR. THOMERSON

Any time, Al.

Mr. T. crosses to the door just as Cole comes running in,

slightly dazed, wrapped in the tattered remnants of the sheet

that held him suspended out the window. They both are shocked

to see one another.

MR. THOMERSON

Cole, my God, boy, what are you doing

here? What happened?

COLE:

(nearly hysterical)

The bachelor party's upstairs. They

made me get naked. They hung me from

the window so high up it was so scary

I fell down...

MR. THOMERSON

Take hold of yourself. What room are

they in?

COLE:

1002.

MR. THOMERSON

All right, I'll go up there and take

care of this myself.

(disgusted)

You look awful, son. Go find yourself

some clothes.

COLE:

Yes, sir.

With a determined look, Thomerson crosses to the elevator,

as Cole runs into the hotel gift shop.

INT. HOTEL SUITE - NIGHT

Rick, Ryko, Stan, O'Neill enter with the "moose."

RICK:

Hi, guys. We brought back a friend.

LARRY:

It's Bullwinkle.

O'NEILL

Gentlemen... Ladies... For your

viewing pleasure, meet Mike the

Magical Sexual Mule.

O'Neill lifts the head off the moose costume, revealing a

real burro. The burro shows all his teeth as burros are apt

to do when excited. O'Neill and Stan zip off the rest of his

costume, revealing a well-endowed beast.

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