Bachelor Party Page #28

RICK:

(surprised)

How about this, a Trojan donkey.

O'NEILL

And here's Mike's partner, in more

ways than one. A gal who doesn't

think happiness ends with primates.

The very lovely, Miss Desiree...

DESIREE, an erotic, tall woman wearing a leather face mask,

comes out of the bedroom carrying a long whip. Desiree puts

Ravel's "Bolero" on the PHONOGRAPH; then she starts to sway

her hips sensuously in front of the animal.

ANGLE - THE PARTY GUESTS

They all scream and holler approval.

ANGLE - DESIREE

She rubs up against the donkey, shaking her backside against

the animal's.

RICK:

Swell. She's gonna pin her tail on

the donkey.

Now all eyes are on Desiree as she does an erotic striptease.

ANGLE - THE DONKEY

It is getting bored and a little hungry. It bends its head

to the left and spots the table with food on it. It bends

over and starts munching on some cole slaw.

ANGLE - DESIREE

To the catcalls of the partygoers, Desiree is getting all

worked up, stripping down to a G-string.

THE DONKEY:

It's had enough cole slaw. Now it sniffs at Larry's drug

smorgasbord and then starts to chomp on a few pills. Next it

sticks its head into the lines of coke and snorts them up in

one gigantic sniff.

ANGLE - DESIREE

She lets her long, flowing hair hang down over her breasts.

Then she takes a mattress and sets it on the floor. She rolls

on it and sways her hips sensuously on her knees.

ANGLE - HER AUDIENCE

Rick can't believe he's seeing this. The other guys are

screaming at the top of their lungs. Even Larry seems spell-

bound.

ANGLE - THE DONKEY

It doesn't look so hot as it finishes off every drug on the

table.

ANGLE - DESIREE

She moves over to the donkey, hits him on the side gently

with her whip, then pulls him over to her mattress. The

donkey's blood-shot eyes are the size of saucers. Once again

he shows his teeth in a kind of sh*t-eating grin. Desiree

drops to the mattress and beckons the animal to her. Mike

the Donkey obediently does as he's told, moving to her in a

trance-like, very turned-on state.

DESIREE:

C'mon, Mike... Come to Mama.

The Donkey takes another step forward, and then suddenly

rears up on his hind legs, snorting. He starts bucking wildly.

The crowd moves out of his way as the animal goes berserk

for a few seconds, then without warning collapses in a heap

on the floor.

Everyone goes rushing up to it.

Chulo and Laverne enter the room, followed by several of the

other contestants and others from the beauty pageant.

CHULO:

(excited)

Hey, you guys, I'm getting married.

(to Laverne)

We're gonna make lots of kids.

He looks over and sees everyone gathered around Mike.

CHULO:

What the hell happened?

Gary shushes him. We PUSH IN ON Dr. Stan, who is listening

for signs of life in the animal's chest. Finally Stan stands

up somberly.

STAN:

Drug overdose.

DESIREE:

You mean it's...

STAN:

Afraid so. I did everything I could.

LARRY:

It's my fault. He's dead because...

I left those drugs...

RICK:

It's really not all your fault. I

was talking to Mike earlier and he

had a lot of problems. Personal

things, you know. Made some bad

investments. At least now he's

peaceful...

O'NEILL

C'mon, we gotta get this thing out

of here.

O'Neil places the moosehead on the donkey as Rick, Gary,

Chulo and Stan pull the donkey out into the hall like

pallbearers at a funeral.

INT. HALLWAY

Mr. Thomerson, who's been standing at the door, takes this

time to sneak into the suite right behind them.

INT. RICK'S SUITE

Mr. Thomerson can't believe the goings-on. People are making

out, drinking and dancing. He hides in a corner to watch

undercover.

ANGLE IN CORRIDOR

The guys shove the donkey onto the elevator and the doors

snap shut.

INT. HOTEL LOBBY

MANAGER:

(on phone)

Yes... I see... Of course we don't

allow that sort of thing here, ma'am.

No... Well, I'm sorry the noise woke

you. I'll take care of it right away.

He hangs up and crosses to the elevator.

MANAGER:

I've had enough of this.

Just then the elevator door swings open. The donkey falls

out into the lobby. The Manager screams in terror, as do

several of the hotel guests.

MANAGER:

(continuing)

That's it. I'm calling the cops.

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