Bachelorette Page #5

Okay. You know what?

Knowing stuff like that does

not make you guys cool.

It makes you... Amazing?

Gorgeous?

Incredible?

God blessed me

with perfect tits.

It's only right that

people should know that.

I was gonna say

makes you stupid.

This Trevor guy

keeps texting me.

He wants us to go to

that strip club.

Oh! Guys, we have to

go to a strip club.

Please?

Guys, it's like 2 a.m.

She wakes up in five hours.

Okay. How fast can you sew?

It'll be faster if I

had a sewing machine.

Oh, my god.

You know who could

get us a sewing machine?

Catalano.

No. More like looks like Krakow

and treats you like Catalano.

#free your ming and

the rest will follow...#

I'm the President

of the United States.

Totally kidding.

You want a dance, handsome?

Oh, I'm-I'm good. Err, uh,

I mean, I'm not- help...

what are the parameters

gonna be, for such a dance?

Jesus Christ almighty.

He said you're not his type.

Okay, I'm talking

to the retard here.

Snap!

Here's twenty dollars.

Leave us alone.

Look, it's just like

taking a woman on a date.

You just have to make her

feel terrible about herself.

Same goes for strippers.

I am so sorry

that he's referring to you

in-in such a manner.

Does it look like

it bothers her?

She's doesn't give a sh*t.

Here you go.

That was unique and special.

Thank you very much.

That was terrible.

Oh, sh*t!

I got a text from Hannibal.

Looks like some

sluts are on their way.

Becky's friends are coming here?

Wait, is Katie with them?

Yes.

Relax.

I'm out of here.

Keep the limo I'll see you guys tomorrow.

Dale, come on.

I got a table booked downtown.

What are you doing? We've got bottles

Where are you going?

I've got wedding

photos in the morning.

That is a dick move.

This is like a classy place.

I've got a wedding tomorrow!

This is like the

Harvard of strip clubs.

Hey, Joe. I'm gonna

make sure Lector

brings your drunk

prom queen for you,

'cause I'm gonna

make it my mission

to get you in that tonight.

That's awesome, but I-I-I...

can we stop referring

to her as a "that"?

All right. You in, Clyde?

No, I got something

else going on here.

No, no, no. No females

without a male escort.

What?

That's really sexist,

and homophobic,

because you don't...

you don't know us.

We could be lesbians.

These are my girlfriends.

What the f***?

All right. Down the street.

Did you...

just call us prostitutes?

Did you just call

us prostitutes?

Down the street.

Listen, I got a

scholarship to Princeton.

Hey, Dale! Dale, Dale,Dale!

Can you get us in?

I didn't know you

guys were coming down.

Place is kind of gross.

It's okay. They're with me.

Hey, you don't have

to pay for it.

What is this, misogyny night...

...at Scores?

We can vote.

I have never voted.

Have fun in there.

You guys'll fit right in.

Guys... It's in this one!

It's not even in a

white bag, Katie!

I got it. I got it. I got it.

Okay.

We got it. Done.

What are you doing?

What are you f***ing doing?

Don't drop it in the garbage.

I'm stepping on it.

Oh, my god. Oh, my god.

Katie!

Okay! I found it...

#Rock n Roll Hoochie Co...#

This must be what it feels

like to go to the Oscars.

Ew... it's like Iran in here.

Okay, so I'm gonna

go find the bathroom,

and I'm gonna clean

off the dress.

Okay, we'll find Clyde.

She's not a stripper, right?

She's on a pole.

Let's rock the red carpet.

Listen, if I'm not

out in five minutes,

you should probably

claim the body.

I'm serious.

Hey, can I have some money?

No.

We're waiting

for Gena and Clyde,

and then we're leaving

Pull this dress up,

you don't work here!

Can I have some money, please?

Yeah, definitely.

Thank you.

They're just all

such beautiful dancers,

I can't pick who

to give money to.

That's so sweet.

I always ask them

their stories, too.

'Cause you never know

like where they... Oh.

She's gonna be so happy.

Her son's gonna

have the gift of sight!

Why don't you ask her

to smoke pot with you?

Why is that

actually a good idea?

Is that cool to do?

Please. I need a

break from "that".

We're not calling her "that".

We're trying

not to call her "that".

I called her "that" earlier.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Your security guy's- the security's...

Thank you.

That was amazing, but

I'm a little bored now.

Hey, is there

anything you can do

to help Joe score with Katie?

No.

Why?

I'm a completely

powerless figurehead.

I'm like Truman at Geneva.

You mean Truman at Potsdam?

I think I know what

I'm talking about.

Truman inherited the presidency

because Roosevelt died.

Poor f*** got sworn in,

flown to Potsdam to deal

with Stalin and Churchill,

figure out what the f*** to do

with post-war Germany

and all of Europe.

Geneva conference is

completely different thing.

So I think you meant

Truman at Potsdam.

Oh. I switched it, 'cause

I'm a little drunk.

It wouldn't have

made sense anyway,

because Truman had the trump

card, he had the Bomb.

So really, he was in

control the whole time.

Oh, do you believe in magic?

Yes, I do. That's... abso- yes.

Do you believe in

a magic vagina?

A magic vagina?

It would bewitch

you with its magic.

I've been bewitched

by vaginas before.

It's scary, actually.

I think I might be stupid.

Why would you say

that about yourself?

I don't understand anything

anyone is talking about,

most of the time.

That has nothing

to do with intelligence.

It's like this...

there's lots of different

kinds of smart,

you know, and you just

have to discover

which smart you are.

See, I-I don't understand

what you just said.

That's okay, neither do I.

Be honest, would you

marry a stripper?

Um... Shh... shh...

shh... shh...

There's no touching allowed.

Okay.

Did you know that?

I... did- hadn't really...

We're not allowed to touch.

Okay. Well, I'm not...

I mean, my hands

are down. I'm not...

Mm-mm... But if you

wanted to, you could.

I'm confused. It's not

allowed, but I can?

If you wanted to

touch me, you could.

I'm gonna give it a shot. Okay.

Okay.

Just... all right.

Mm-hmm. That's $200.

That's $200?

Mm-hmm.

That's $200?

Two-zero-zero.

Okay. Well, I-I mean, I

feel like that's a...

that's a-a pretty good...

deal...

Oh, Genny.

These guys suck.

Hand full of splooge.

Been there.

Is it your first night?

No... but pretty rad

that you think I'm

hot enough to work here.

You okay?

No. Because...

my stupid ex-boyfriend's

in the back right now,

getting humped by some skank.

No offense.

We are skanks.

It's so dumb.

Like honestly,

I don't even know why I'm

freaking out about it.

I should be fixing the dress,

not obsessing over him,

Look, the only reason why Romeo

is back there is because

he knows he's not

getting laid tonight.

It's true.

Yeah. I mean, if he thought

he had a chance with you,

he would be all over your ass,

like a fat kid eating cake.

Thanks.

Yeah. Men are all

sorts of f***ed.

They feel insecure

for one second

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