Bad Ass Page #3

---

You're a wolf in sheep's clothing.

You're just part of the system, man.

Look, Vega, I understand

Mr. Washington was a friend of yours,

but you can't let your emotions get in

the way of what we're trying to do here.

Let us do our job, OK?

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I have work to get back to.

Ahh!

Double or nothing,

double or nothing.

Ready?

Get it! Get some!

Best out of five, best out of five.

Come on.

It's from an M9 Beretta.

Probably from a 15-round

staggered magazine.

- Sell any of those lately?

- No, man.

This is government-issued

Armed Forces sh*t.

I rarely see this stuff.

Any other store around here that does?

I'm pretty much

the only game in town, you know?

I'd like to keep it that way.

Nice piece of jewelry.

If you're interested in selling that...

...I'd give you $50 for it.

- That your daughter?

- No.

I was gonna say it kind of looks like

this girl who goes to our church.

- You know her?

- She's friendly with the wife.

- You think this is hers?

- Eh, probably her husband's.

He's a... He's a black guy.

Good-looking fella.

You know where I could find him?

Well, they just live a few blocks

over there on Seventh.

There's a yellow pick-up

on the front lawn there.

- Can't miss it.

- Thanks, partner.

Hey, man.

Be careful. There's a lot

of f***ing idiots out there.

Yes, can I help you?

Is your husband available?

- And who are you?

- Uh, I'm a friend of his.

He left this over at my place

a couple days ago.

You know what?

You go tell that son of a B-I-T-C-H

that he's got three kids and a wife

wondering when the hell

he's coming home.

I don't mean to be nosy, but when's

the last time you saw him?

I probably saw Terence over a week ago.

My girlfriends tell me they see him

playing basketball at 22nd Street Park.

He's got kids crying for his daddy,

and he's playing basketball.

Yeah, mi amor, yeah, I know you're

hungry. I'll get you something.

You know what, man? I gotta go, OK?

But if you happen to find that

C-O-C-K-S-U-C-K-E-R,

tell him to go f*** himself.

Backdoor, backdoor, backdoor!

Backdoor, backdoor! Hey!

- Ball, ball, ball!

- Take him backdoor. Backdoor, backdoor!

- God damn it.

- Damn!

Anybody know where I can find Terence?

Why don't you ask your mama?

He probably cock slammed

her this morning.

Damn!

- Hey, give me the ball, b*tch.

- I'm gonna ask you one more time.

Anybody know where I can find Terence?

Who the f*** do you think you are,

you old motherf***er?

Either give me the ball

or I'm gonna kill your ass.

You know, I don't hear too good.

I messed up my hearing

at a Santana concert in '74.

Step in here so I can hear you.

I can't...

You believe this crazy son of a b*tch?

Ooh...

OK, whoa, wait a minute, man. Calm down,

all right? He ain't here, man.

- Where is he?

- I don't know.

He private with his sh*t. He run

with some boys across town, that's it.

Where across town?

Ask for Renaldo,

He knows where Terence is.

Thank you, fellas.

Appreciate your cooperation. All of you.

Sh*t.

That was luck.

Oh, Father, I'm sorry.

I didn't know you were a priest!

You picked the wrong apartment

to rob, a**hole!

Wait, wait, stop, stop!

I don't wanna rob anybody.

- Where's Renaldo?

- I can't breathe!

I have no idea.

I have no idea where he is.

Jesus! Look, he's my roommate,

he's never here.

What, are you trying to f***ing kill me?

- What kind of priest are you?

- I'm not a priest, you idiot.

I'm playing one at the

Jewish community center musical.

And thanks to you, I'm gonna be late

for my f***ing rehearsal.

OK, then. Where's Renaldo?

All right! All right! All right!

He hangs out at the Velvet Scorpion.

He's there every morning.

I swear, he's gonna be there tomorrow.

You know, man,

you make a terrible priest.

I have on my staff 11 aides,

all of whom perform their tasks

in glorious concert.

There's not a moment of my day

where I don't feel completely secure

about my political future.

And then there's you, Panther...

...who is single-handedly trying to

destroy what took me 33 years to build.

Oh, come on, Mayor.

There's nothing being destroyed.

This ain't no WikiLeaks.

It's like a leak in your mama's sink.

You know, we'll plumb the sh*t up.

That supposed to make me feel better?

I'm running for reelection in 90 days

and I've got accessible

confidential information of mine

out there on the streets?

I can assure you, there's no problem.

- Sh*t, I own the streets.

- There's a problem, a**hole.

There's a f***ing problem,

'cause your bros f***ed up.

How do you take a guy out

before you get my drives back first?

There was some internal

incompetent sh*t on our part.

But I can assure you we're all tee'd up.

It won't happen again.

No, it won't happen again

because if it does,

your services are terminated.

That's just the beginning of what we're

gonna start terminating around here.

And now we got this freaking

geriatric going around,

- kicking everybody's f***ing asses.

- Bad Ass.

- Excuse me?

- Bad Ass.

That's what they're calling him.

Who gives a f***

what they're calling him?

- He's a pain in my f***ing ass.

- There's nothing to worry about.

He's just an old motherf***er looking

for some revenge. We got him dialed in.

I don't wanna have to worry

about this sh*t anymore

because let me tell you something,

there's hundreds of bottom-drain feeders

out there would love to be on my payroll

doing the freaking job

you're supposed to be doing.

You clean your sh*t up, Panther.

And I mean now.

We're done here.

And enough with the long text messages.

And what's up with those f***ing

happy faces? I hate that sh*t.

Here, dear, let me give you

a hand with that.

- Oh... Very sweet of you.

- OK.

Are those your keys? Give me your keys.

- Thank you.

- You want that in the trunk?

- Yes.

- OK.

- Bad Ass! Hey!

- Bad Ass!

What's up, homies? How you doing?

Down!

You messed with

the wrong white boys, you f***!

- Yeah! Shended that a**hole!

- Yeah!

- Woo!

- Woo! Yeah, yeah, yeah!

- Are you OK?

- Oh, wonderful.

I haven't had a man handle me

like that in 45 years.

Yo, yo, yo, I got the TV!

That's some good chicken.

You want a piece?

You're all I got now, boy.

It's just me and you now, fella.

Just me and you.

What's up, b*tch?

If it's not my favorite black midget.

Tell me something. How hard was it

living in a world without phones?

We had Western Union.

How hard was it when your career

tanked after Diff'rent Strokes?

- What you talkin' about?

- Willis.

- What?

- From the show.

"What you talkin' about, Willis?"

I'm so goddamned tired of carrying

the burden of this family.

- And all you do is complain!

- Well, you're the lazy motherf***er

who can't keep...

What, you're gonna hit me out here?

- How's your nose?

- Go! You need to leave.

Why don't you keep a f***ing job?!

And you better not

come back here, either.

I live here. I own the house, b*tch!

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes