Bad Ass 3: Bad Asses on the Bayou Page #4

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- Cool with that?

- My car?

This week,

we have family in... in town...

and... and I'm playing chauffeur.

Oh, yeah. No, hey. I totally get it.

I get that.

Listen, either you give me this car...

or I'll beat the sh*t out of you.

It's your choice.

Hey.

- You boys got somewhere you gotta be?

- Yeah.

We're all set.

Keep it moving.

Unless you gonna let my ass go,

I don't want sh*t from you.

Is that any way to treat your host?

I done got you them nice white shoes

to keep your feet warm.

Look, you Duck

Dynasty-looking motherf***er.

If you think for one minute you gonna get

away with this sh*t, you dead wrong.

All right then.

I'll keep it warm for you.

Those goddamn old bastards.

They just came in and roughed up Buford.

Pete.

You mind taking that someplace else?

Yeah, sure.

BROUSSARD:
What the f***?

How in the hell Buford

let two old sons of b*tches rough him up?

- I don't know. He's a goddamn mama's boy.

- I told y'all to follow them.

(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)

Why do all bad guys got nice places?

Same reason

they all got beautiful women.

Boy, what you talking about?

They don't all have beautiful women.

- (CHUCKLES)

- Hey, little lady. We're here to see Landry.

- Is he around?

- Landry doesn't live here anymore.

- So get lost.

- (CHUCKLES)

Can you tell us where we might find him?

- Get your foot out of my door.

- Come on, little girl.

No sense in you acting all...

(GROANING)

I think she loosened a crown.

Wait. Now hold it. There's no need for

violence. We just wanna talk.

(STAMMERING)

Now, look here, lady. We're gentlemen.

We don't hit women... Ow!

Now, all we wanna know

is where Landry is.

F*** you!

- All right.

- Let go of me! I can't breathe!

Not till you tell me where Landry is.

Buckhead...

(GASPING)

- Where is he?

- He works at Buckheads.

It's... (GASPING)

It's a... barbecue place

just outside of town.

He'll be there tomorrow morning.

Now get the f*** outta here!

So soon?

I thought we had a beautiful connection.

Aside from your foot in my kidney.

Goddamn. You see any internal bleeding?

Damn.

What's up, buddy?

So happy I ran into you here, man.

- Listen, Kyle, I...

- Shh. Shh, shh, shh.

Shh, shh, shh.

Listen, I'm gonna need, like,

20 bucks or so for some snacks.

(SIGHS) I, uh... I don't have that.

- Oh, I think you do, money ball.

- No, not really. I would.

Hand it over...

before I beat you senseless.

Yeah. All right.

Why don't you get a job?

Who the hell are you?

Friends of Ronald.

If I'm not mistaken,

they're hiring here.

KYLE:
You've gotta be kidding me.

You got your grandpa in here

to protect you?

Don't you two got some early

bird buffet to hit up?

Yeah, if I were you two,

I'd back the hell up right now before I...

- Kyle!

- What?

(LOW VOICE) It's the Bad Asses.

KYLE:
What?

Bad Asses. From the bank.

Oh, snap, it is.

Wow! Whoa, we are huge fans.

- Kyle.

- Dad.

- What's goin' on here?

- Nothin'.

Just havin' a conversation with Ronny and

the Bad Asses. You know who these guys are?

Yeah, we've met. Gentlemen.

Mom wants us home for dinner before 6:00,

so we gotta get a move on.

Okay. We're all cool.

Good evening.

EARL:
I appreciate what y'all did...

but I can't have you interfering

in my son's business.

I'm trying to steer him away

from violence and threats...

and instead use diplomacy...

as a tool to confront conflict, hmm?

- How's that diplomacy workin' out for you?

- Just fine.

No offense, gentlemen...

but I am not a fan of your tactics.

I think there's better ways

to solve problems.

Explain to me, Earl.

How do you go from bein' in the Marines

to bein' a pacifist?

After you've seen what I've seen...

you never wanna be involved

with violence again.

(WHEELCHAIR APPROACHES)

- Geoffrey.

- Hey. How you doing?

Hey, son.

I can't believe this is even happening.

Now, we got it covered, Geoff.

I can't stop thinking

about what they're doing to her right now.

Calm down, son. Take it easy.

Why don't you try to get some sleep?

You think I can sleep

at a time like this?

- (CLATTERING IN DISTANCE)

- (DOG BARKING)

Hey, what was that?

Hey, you'll have to excuse me.

I think I just knocked over

one of Mr. Morgan's planters on the way in.

For some reason,

he's got it out for you two.

You boys need to just

stay away from this case.

I have a problem stayin' away from somethin'

I know nobody's doin' anything about.

Who said nobody's doin' anything

about this case? Huh?

I can assure you we are doin' everything we

can, and we'll get Carmen back.

That's bullshit, man.

Excuse me?

People above you are makin' a mockery

of your justice system.

Look, Mr. Vega...

I am all for what you two are about.

But my advice

is just to leave this alone...

and let us do our job, okay?

(CELL PHONE CHIMES, BUZZING)

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

- Can I talk to you for a minute?

- Sure. Come on in.

Sit down.

(EXHALES) I just wanted to thank you

for helping me out.

It was nothin'.

They just needed

a little straightening out.

I want you to have this.

This was my father's.

He carried it around with him

during the war.

It's pure titanium. This saved his life.

Look, you can even see the bullet mark.

Ronald, it's beautiful,

but I can't keep this.

Please.

I want you to have it.

Thank you.

Can I... ask you a question, Frank?

Yeah.

Did you always have it in you to...

be a hero?

I don't know.

I'm just... wondering...

if it's something you just have...

or you don't.

You've got it in you.

You just gotta be true to yourself...

and keep doing the right thing.

BERNIE:
All right, now.

Cut out that Little House on the Prairie

sh*t and get the hell to sleep.

Sh*t.

(SNORING)

(SQUISHING)

(GRUNTING)

I can't tell you how many times she accidentally

rubbed her elbow against my nuts.

That's what they call

good ol' Southern hospitality.

Okay, now.

(GASPS)

I promise, if I get out of this

I'm going to Jenny Craig.

Password. Password.

"Long beard."

"Moonshine."

You need a little bit more black pepper in

there, and then you got something.

- Okay.

- What do we got here?

That's not bad. Needs a touch more paprika

in that rub though.

Thank you.

What the hell'd

you put in this, coullion?

Who the hell you calling

"coullion," coullion?

- Who the hell is you?

- Where's Carmen?

Hold on!

You didn't answer my friend's question.

Where's Carmen?

"I married my cousin."

Damn!

(RINGING)

Hello, 1988.

(GRUNTING)

All right, cochons, who gonna die first?

(GROANS)

Come on. Come on, come on.

- Where is she?

- You go to hell!

(FAX LINE SQUAWKING)

- Jawn, you in there?

- (BANGING)

(GROANS)

Okay. Now, where is she?

You go to hell, salope!

FRANK:
All right!

- (SCREAMING)

- (SIZZLING)

- (GASPING, WHIMPERING)

- Okay, now where's Carmen?

- F*** you!

- Okay.

No, no, no, no! No! No!

Okay! I'll tell you!

I'll tell you! I'll tell you!

She's over at the compound

in Greenwell Springs!

You're gonna give me

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