Band Aid Page #4

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How can I be of service

to the both of you?

I mean, is there something you want?

- David.

We're out of cocoa.

- What?

- Yeah.

- We're out of cocoa.

- Totally out.

- There's none left?

- There's no more.

- You're kidding me.

You have mine, I insist.

Otherwise Cocoa Tuesdays will

have to be No Cocoa Tuesdays.

You know what I mean?

- 1 do.

- This is my best friend.

- Hi, Crystal Vichycoisse.

- Hi.

- Your friends are so nice.

- Thank you very much.

- Are you here of your own will?

- That's a joke, you

don't have to answer that.

- What was the joke?

- Mm, no, nothing.

- It was just something rude

that she said...

- I didn't...

- Because she got nervous.

- I was joking.

- And it's just a joke.

- Am I here on my own free will?

- Oh, so she looked at

you and she was like,

are you here on your own free will?

- That was what she said, I think.

- You're like a Paula Poundstone.

- Yeah.

- Yes, very much so.

- I do get that a lot.

- Very much so.

- Yeah.

- We actually met at

a Todd Rundgren event.

- A Todd Rundgren event.

- Yes.

- Okay.

- There was, it was a

record release party.

I'm kidding.

Oh.

- You should have seen your faces.

- No, we met at a cocoa convention.

- Yeah, that one

is very clearly a joke.

We get it.

- Well, is it?

Is it, though?

- Yeah, she gets her sense of humor

from her Great Uncle Avram.

- Yeah.

- He was a star in the

Yiddish vaudeville circuit.

- Right, okay.

- He was a star in the

Yiddish vaudeville circuit.

- Okay.

- Yeah.

- No, he toured the Ukraine

after escaping the pogroms.

- Uh, okay-

So, how did you guys actually meet?

- We met in the program.

- What program?

- The program?

- Well,

SAA.

We're recovering sex addicts.

- I think we should...

- Okay.

- Probably go, because remember, we...

- And I'm their sponsor.

And also their best friend.

And they're my best friends.

- That's very sweet.

- I know this is gonna seem crazy.

We were strippers.

- What, no.

- You don't say.

- Yeah, she was, and then she was.

- Yeah.

- Also, we love to f***.

- Dave, you should join our band.

- So, Vichycoisse, is that how you say it?

Vichycoisse?

- Vichycoisse.

- Vichycoisse.

- That's what she said.

- Okay, soup is made of blended potatoes

and a heavy cream.

- Wow.

- That sounds amazing.

- Wow.

- So Weird Dave is in your band?

- Weird Dave's in the band.

- Wow.

- Yeah, I know.

But you know, the truth

is we needed a drummer,

and his only time commitments

seem to be Cocoa Tuesdays

and sex addict meetings, so.

- Oh, oh, sweet schedule, Weird Dave.

- Yeah, yeah, Dave's got it figured out.

- Yeah, he's not makin' mistakes at all.

- No, at all.

- At all.

- Great.

- What?

- Single Sheena, Single Sheena.

- She's the last one of us left.

- I know.

- Exciting.

- Such a rare occurrence.

It's like, it feels...

- Hi.

- Hi, Sheena.

- Hi.

- How are you?

- Hey.

- Oh my god,

you look so pretty.

- Just gorgeous.

- What's happening?

- Flawless.

- Are you going somewhere?

Are you coming from something?

- Oh no, I'm headed home.

I spent the night at some guy's house.

- Oh, there it is.

- I would love to hear

about that.

- Details, details,

not just a magazine, honey.

- Yes, please.

- Um, I don't know.

I mean, he was super hot.

' YEP, YEP, YEP, YEP, YEP-

- Yeah, sure.

- He has like a ton of money.

- Makes the world go 'round.

- Go and get yours.

- And he went down on me for

like an hour, so that was fun.

- That's a...

- Long time.

- Whole episode of Scandal.

I mean...

- A long time.

- So, I don't know.

I might see him again, might not.

But anyways, I gotta run,

gotta shower before I teach.

Good to see you, though.

- Sure, bye.

- She is a teacher?

- Well, she teaches Pilates.

- Oh, I'll get over it then.

An hour.

- One hour.

- That is gonna get me

through sex with my husband

for like a good week.

A week.

- I'm riled up.

I'm riled up.

- Oh, it is Niagara Falls

down there.

- It's like a burning,

burning fire.

- Yeah, yeah.

I need to air that out now.

' Babe?

- Yeah.

' Hi.

- What's up, Boomer?

- I was thinking, do you want to...

You know what I mean?

You wanna f***?

You wanna f*** this p*ssy?

- Right now?

- Yeah.

You wanna f***?

- Yeah, I'll f***.

- You wanna f*** this p*ssy?

- Aw yeah.

- Get it, get it, get it, get it.

- Let's do it.

- Oh, were you just,

you weren't even going?

- No, I just like to sit on the toilet

and let my butt-hole be free.

Makes me more productive.

Let's go.

- That's good.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

Maybe, what if we,

what if you just reposition for,

or like...

- I'll reposition.

- Just get that angle a little bit.

- Your face, the face that you're,

can you just not make that face?

- I'm sorry, no, no, no.

- 'Cause it's just like,

It looks like you're in pain.

- I'm not in pain.

I'm just trying to figure,

I'm trying to figure it out.

I'm sorry.

I don't know what happened.

I was just like, I was so horny before.

And then suddenly it's like,

I don't know, it's like the

f***in' shop just closed.

- The shop closed?

- Yeah.

Like the

door's locked, gate's down.

Like, the whole situation.

I don't know how to

contact the shop keeper.

You know what I mean?

It might be a situation where

it's like there's a sign on the door,

and they're like, back in five.

- This analogy is super long.

- Yeah.

Okay.

Well,

I'm sorry.

Do you want me to give you a hand-job?

- What? No.

I didn't even wanna have

sex in the first place.

I only did it because you wanted to.

- Right, I know.

One, two, three, four.

Marriage is a sacred bond

Of you and it I am so fond

Friendship, care, the ties that bind

You're loving, caring, always kind

But when we lay in bed at night

Our bodies bathed in the moonlight

To have, to hold forever, oh dear

Please don't bring your body near

'Cause I

I love you

But I don't wanna f***

you, f*** you, f*** you

I don't wanna f*** you

Our, our love is true

But I don't wanna f***

you, f*** you, f*** you

I don't wanna f*** you

I love you

- That was rad.

- Dave?

Dave?

- What's happening?

Is he, so you think he's okay?

- You're asking me?

- Dave.

- Unreal.

I loved it.

- There it is.

- Wow.

- Okay.

Great, thank you.

- Cool.

- That was very beautiful,

beginning to end.

- Thanks.

- You know, I can't relate

to the lyrics at all.

- Right.

- On account of the fact

that I wanna f***

everything and everybody.

- Yeah, that's your thing.

- Right, that's the addiction.

- I mean, except of course

Crystal and Cassandra.

- You never wanna f*** them?

- No.

- No.

- Never.

But that's a love song for the ages.

Bravo.

- Thank you.

- It's a standing ovation.

- Thank you, Dave.

- Thank you so much, man.

- I'm gonna go and eat.

- Okay.

- Okay.

That sounds human.

- And I'll see you very soon.

- All right.

- All right, thanks.

- Take it easy, man.

- Thanks.

We'll see you next rehearsal, okay.

' Okay.

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