Barbershop Page #5

but sometimes, I think,

we are unaware of how the little things

for us can be so huge for others.

- Hey, honeybun.

- Hey, boo.

This is too much. Hi.

It's OK. Take your time. My boo.

I find it amusing that the people who stole

my ATM will not get any money out of it.

- You can't break into those things.

- Cos there is no money in it.

It is brand-new.

It had not even been loaded yet.

There's no money in it?

- That's a trip.

- Yes.

- How much I owe you for this?

- Put your money away. This is for you.

Thanks, man.

So what you gonna do?

I rebuild. I fix the store

and I stay right here.

The fight must go on.

Either that, or I go back to India.

India? I thought you was from Pakistan.

Heavens, no.

Who would tell you such a thing?

- Jimmy.

- No, no. India.

Punjab State. Northwest side.

Close to Pakistan.

- I appreciate this.

- Your words were payment enough.

- What else can I have free?

- Nothing.

- What about those...?

- No.

- Thanks for the juice.

- You're welcome.

Hey, fellers. What's up? I got the shoes.

I'll show you who gonna play.

Hey, y'all, look at this lady.

Somebody out there

doin' somebody's car?

She wanna be real, crack that windshield.

I'll get you good.

I'm gonna get you real good.

- What kinda car is it?

- Toyota Camry.

That's a good car.

I got one of them. I just bought one.

- What colour is it, man?

- Silver.

Silver. That's a good colour.

Has it got a chrome rocker panel?

That's my car!

Hold it! What the hell are you doing?

That's my car!

Your car? This is Malcolm Brown's car!

Put the bat down!

I don't know Malcolm Brown!

Leave my car alone! Stop hitting my car!

Stop it! Put the bat down!

- This ain't Malcolm Brown's car?

- No! I just bought this damn car!

- It looks like his car.

- I don't care what it looks like.

- It's my car.

- So this ain't Malcolm's car?

- Who the hell is Malcolm Brown?

- Damn.

- My bad.

- Your what?

What'd you say? Your bad? Come back.

I hope I never make a woman that angry.

Hey, Ricky.

What's up?

I'm fittin' to go get some fish.

So, Ricky, what advice can you offer a

guy like me on the art of wooing women?

- On the what?

- You know, getting the hook-up.

The digits, the skins, ill nana,

snappy nappy, oochie wally.

Dinka, just be yourself.

I'm big boned, Rick. Hefty. Rotund.

There's too much of myself to go around.

Hold tight. There's plenty of fat brothers

pulling good ass. Look at Biggie, Heavy D.

They were world-famous rappers.

I, on the other hand,

am an overweight barber from West Africa

with a fondness for poetry.

Attitude will put you on. Confidence.

OK.

She got to know that

at a moment's notice you will not hesitate

to put the pimp hand down on Jesus

himself if he ever disrespected her.

How you think Captain Kirk

got all that booty?

Yes. Yes.

- Thank you, brother. Thank you.

- Put me down.

Hey, hey. How you doin', Mr Wallace?

Yeah. This is Calvin.

You think it'd be all right

if I come through there and talk to you?

First thing I'm gonna do is get

a tattoo say "Thug Nasty. Nasty Thug."

I'm gonna get myself a Bentley

with some twenties on it.

Yeah. That's what I'm gonna do.

Thanks to you.

I'll get some twenty-fives. And you

the reason why. That's what I'm gonna do.

You wanna act like you ain't givin' it up,

but I'm gonna get that, just like I got you.

You better have my money.

Help me!

Somebody help me!

Open this door!

- Who is it?

- It's the manager. Open this door.

- What's going on up in there?

- Nothin'.

What d'you mean, nothin'?

What is that smell?

- I got diarrhoea.

- Diarrhoea? If you done messed up...

- You actin' like the police.

- If you messed up this room...

Nobody messed up your room.

You better open up this door.

Diarrhoea, my ass.

Do I hear keys?

Come in this room, see what happens.

- Fine. I'm calling the cops.

- Call the cops, then.

See how you like it

when the cops get here.

Wait a minute. I take that back.

Don't do that. Come back.

- Damn!

- Hey...

I'm calling the cops on you too!

Billy!

What the hell?

Put it down. Put it down.

Watch your toes.

All right, this what we're gonna do.

I'll take this to my grandmama house.

You see what the word on the street is.

Hang out at the barbershop.

Sure you can handle that?

- Yes.

- Do I have to draw you a picture?

But can I go change my drawers first?

Cos they're sticking to me.

Yeah. But when you're at the barbershop,

you keep your mouth shut.

I want you to be inconspicuous.

The Panthers, you gotta give it up to them.

You gotta give it up to Martin Luther King,

Jesse Jackson and Rosa Parks. Period.

Because they was on

the front line in the '60s.

- Who the hell's Rosa Parks?

- Who's Rosa Parks?

- The founder of the civil-rights movement.

- Cos she sat her ass down on a bus?

You know who Rosa Parks is.

She was tired. That's what you do

when you tired, you sit your ass down.

I sat on a bus and I got thrown in jail.

Ain't hear from nobody.

- Laptops. Computers.

- I told you two or three times...

No, no, Calvin. He need to hear this.

You, sit down. You need to hear this, too.

Sit down, Rayford.

I probably wouldn't say this in front of

white folk, but I'm gonna speak my mind.

Rosa Parks ain't do nothin'

but sit her black ass down.

Hold on now, Seinfeld.

You might learn something right now.

I'm gonna give her

her just due for what she did.

Her act led to the movement

and everything.

But she damn sure ain't special.

No. It was a whole lot of black folk sat

down on buses and they got thrown in jail,

and they did it way 'fore Rosa did.

Only difference between them and her is

that she was a secretary at the NAACCP,

and she know Martin Luther King,

and it got publicity.

Sound like you got

a little haterism in your game.

Like hell. This ain't no hateration

or holleration in this dancerie.

What I'm saying is,

is that black people need to stop lying.

There are three things black people

need to tell the truth about.

One. Rodney King should have got his ass

beat for driving drunk in a Hyundai.

- Two. OJ did it.

- OJ did it?

And three. Rosa Parks ain't do nothin'

but sit her black ass down.

That's right, I said it.

I said it. That's my opinion.

I'm gonna back you up. He was on the bus

back in the day and he on the bus now.

Not only is what you're saying not true.

It is disrespectful for you

to discuss Rosa Parks in that way.

Wait, wait. Hold on here.

Is this the barbershop?

This is a barbershop, ain't it?

If we can't talk straight in the barbershop,

then where can we talk straight?

This ain't nothin' but healthy conversation.

- Why you gotta tear Rosa Parks down?

- Ain't nobody exempt in a barbershop.

You can talk about whoever

and whatever in a barbershop.

Why you gotta tear Rosa down?

You know you're wrong. Keep on walkin'.

I ain't with you. You better never let

Jesse Jackson hear you talkin' that way.

Man, f*** Jesse Jackson!

What is wrong with you?

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