Barbershop Page #7

That's bull, cos you got bills. And your

brothers ain't lettin' no money get by.

Next you'll say Jews got money

from the Holocaust.

Jews didn't get money.

Holocaust survivors got money.

We have welfare and affirmative action.

Is that not respirations?

Sh*t! Sh*t! Sh*t! Sh*t!

I think every black person

should at least get $100,000.

What's that gonna do?

That won't do nothin' but make Cadillac

the number-one dealership in the country.

So everywhere you look

there's opportunity.

I had an opportunity to get this job,

and this cracker tell me I need a diploma.

Right there, that's racism, that's classism,

that's eroticism. I'm talkin' about isms.

We don't need reparations, a'ight?

We need restraint.

- Restraint?

- Restraint. Discipline.

Don't buy a Range Rover

when you live with your mama.

And pay your mama some rent.

And can we please try and teach our kids

somethin' other than a Chronic album?

Black people, be on time for somethin'

other than "free before 11" at the club.

Drink down right there.

That was a passionate and

surprisingly well-articulated argument.

- You mocking me?

- Not at all, sir. I applaud your virtuosity.

Know what, schoolboy? For your

information, a scallop is a shellfish.

- No, I'm afraid it isn't.

- No, I'm afraid it is.

Because it's a mollusc.

Before it come to your dinner plate, it got

two shells wrapped around it, like a clam.

Stupid.

Hey, Grandma. It's me, JD.

Thelma's son. Your grandson.

- JD.

- Grandma.

- Nigga never come to see me.

- Did you say somethin'?

Grandma don't see or hear too good.

You want somethin' to eat?

That's OK. I'm gonna be

out back at the tool shed.

- OK.

- I'll see you later.

Now, that's what I'm talkin' about.

- Get this phone. Two for one.

- The last one didn't work.

Ray. What you doin'?

Sellin' my phones.

How many times I told you

not to come in here soliciting?

- I'm just selling my phones.

- Are you retarded?

- Retarded?

- Are you stupid, simple or slow? Which?

- None of that.

- Come back in here, I'll call the police.

Hold up. What you mean,

you're callin' the police?

How you gonna do that to me?

Everything you ever needed I got for you.

When the air conditioner broke,

who got the Freon? Me.

And when Eddie had tax problems?

I got him a new social. Not you, me.

- I'm part of this shop, too.

- I don't wanna hear that.

What's up? You ain't right, Calvin.

You ain't right.

I don't want him back in this shop

no more. Don't buy nothin' from him.

What was that all about?

You know that boy don't want no trouble.

He ain't gonna cause no problem.

I messed up, Eddie. I messed up bad.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

What'd you do? Can't get it up?

Viagra ain't workin' for you?

I lost the shop.

I actually sold it to Lester Wallace.

I just realised today that

this was somethin' worth saving.

Worth saving?

Worth saving?

This ain't no goddamn school

for the blind, Calvin.

This is the barbershop!

Where a black man means somethin'.

Cornerstone of the neighbourhood.

Our own country club.

I mean, can't you see that?

You know, that's the problem

with your whole generation.

You know, y'all don't believe in nothin'.

But your father,

he believed in somethin', Calvin.

He believed and understood that

somethin' as simple as a little haircut

could change the way

a man felt on the inside.

My father died broke and frustrated

after trying to help everybody in this...

Boy, listen. Listen.

Your daddy may not have had

a whole lot of money.

But he was rich,

cos he invested in people.

What you think? You think I'm

the only one he gave a job to? Calvin? No.

That man opened up the doors to anybody

and any knucklehead in Chicago that

wanted to make somethin' outta theirself.

Gave 'em an opportunity to be somebody -

a licensed, professional barber.

Now, me, myself, personally,

I wouldn't have gave half

these bail jumpers the opportunity.

But it's hard enough you tryin'

to cut somebody's hair,

ain't gotta worry about

this fool tryin' to shank you.

But let me tell you somethin',

at the end of the day,

at the end of the day,

I was glad I was here.

And now you...

They know?

No.

You gonna have to tell 'em.

Don't look at me.

Yo, Cal!

You got some nerve

bringing your ass back.

I got the job.

Now I can put my girl in real daycare.

My sister-in-law been keepin' her.

But she a crackhead, and I can't have that.

Thanks, Cal. Keep the change.

Yo, Lamar.

- No charge.

- No, Calvin, keep that.

No charge.

Congratulations on your new job.

Looking good for a change. Take it easy.

- Thanks, Cal.

- Never mind.

C'mon. Your drop.

- I'm only saying he's a cripple.

- He's not a cripple. He's cute.

Hey, yo. Listen up, everybody.

Hold on. Listen. Yo, Fred.

Listen up, listen up, listen up.

I just wanna say,

from the bottom of my heart,

that I appreciate everybody in here.

- We appreciate you having us.

- I'm serious.

Hold up. I'm serious. I appreciate

everything you guys do for the shop.

I know some of the customers

don't leave tips like they supposed to.

If I had the money, I'd tip you myself.

Big C, what's wrong, dude?

We're gonna be closin' up the shop today.

- Closing early?

- What do you mean by "today"?

- We only got an hour.

- You're not hearing me.

When I took this shop over two years ago

I didn't know what I had.

I was young. I didn't know.

Hold tight. What you tryin' to say, Calvin?

Eddie, what you doin'?

What's going on?

- I sold the shop.

- You what?

- Like, you don't own the shop no more?

- I don't understand.

He said he sold the shop.

- But this is your shop.

- Can't nobody run this shop like you.

For real, man.

Why you ain't tell us? Huh?

Who we gonna be workin' for?

Like I was saying that...

When I close the shop tonight

it's closin' for good.

- You can't close the shop.

- Eddie, can I talk to you? Eddie.

- Eddie?

- Hey, Eddie.

Hey, Eddie. Eddie. Hey, Eddie.

- I still don't understand.

- Go home. Just go home. It's over.

I ain't mean that, man.

Just pack up. Go home.

No warning, huh?

No warnin', Calvin? That's it?

That's foul, Joe. I'm outta here.

You could have told us.

Shut up. You just stay right there.

What did he do?

I ain't do nothin'! Calvin!

That ain't necessary right there.

Williams, can I talk to you?

I'll get back at you.

Let me get him squared away.

Rick! Call me soon as

they let you use a phone.

What's up, JD?

- Where you been?

- At the barbershop.

All day?

- You got cut.

- Yeah.

I wanted to get braided,

but Terri, she be trippin'.

- Who lined you up?

- It was Jimmy who...

Man. What you doin'?

Braidin' your hair, sucker!

Stop. You better stop playin'.

- What'd you learn at the barbershop?

- A lot.

- What about the police?

- They know what's up.

They came up in there ten deep.

"Get up against the wall!"

Hold on, man. My foot.

I'm telling you, it was like S.W.A.T.

- You serious?

- Yeah.

I wouldn't have made it alive if I hadn't

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