Barely Lethal Page #4

- He's not?

- No, look, you've got to engineer

a passive campaign of mental anguish,

basically alienating the target

from those closest to him.

He'll withdraw, paranoia and suspicion

grow, and eventually he'll just kill himself.

I'm not sure if there's

a button for that.

Right...

Just choke him out

with that lamp cord, then.

Nickel. Thanks, babe.

- I should... I should probably get going.

- Yeah, no doubt.

But, hey, listen, before you bounce,

Gooch's 'rents are out of town,

so we're throwing down this Friday.

You got to be there.

Are you serious?

Parents-away-in-Europe party?

Oh, my God, this day

cannot get any better.

Pittsburgh, I think.

But Gooch's parties are legendary.

You down?

Down. I'm down, yeah. Nickel.

- Totem pole.

- Totem pole.

Greetings, 83.

- Good evening, 83.

- How did you find me?

Same way I learned to tie a bow tie

and slice a pineapple: YouTube.

So who you working for? Eastern bloc?

- Acevedo over at Langley?

- I'm not working for anybody, okay?

Why don't we skip the lies and just let

Pedro here go ahead and do his thing?

You down with that?

That'd be hot, right?

Hardman, please.

You know what? Stand down, Pedro.

You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna

go ahead and cut right to the truth...

- Serum.

- Seriously? Those don't even work.

Yeah, seriously.

Now we're gonna see if it works.

Why have you run away?

83, 83.

One more time. Why did you run away?

You deprived me of my childhood.

I couldn't just raise my hand and say,

"Excuse me, sir,

"I don't think I really

want to be an assassin.

"Can I please be excused from

this secret mountain killing school?"

Please, please, can we just...

stop the waterworks?

Hey, let's get to the bottom of this.

Who are you working for?

Nobody. I'm not working

for anybody. I promise.

Okay, I worked for Sbarro

for a few weeks over the summer

just to make some extra cash.

I didn't think you'd mind.

Aziz Fataah Sbarro?

When the hell were you in Lebanon?

Sbarro pizzeria. It's the world's largest

mall-based Italian restaurant chain.

- They make these amazing garlic knots.

- Amazing garlic knots.

- I just want to be normal.

- You're a Prescott. Prescotts don't cry.

- Why is she crying?

- Her struggle to find her own identity?

The emotional turbulence

of a first crush?

Maybe she watched the notebook

one too many times.

Adolescence is a very volatile

time for a young woman.

- He so gets me.

- 83!

You are a rogue agent.

- This has got to end.

- Okay, okay, okay.

Hold on now. You can't just take me.

Missing girl in a small town

would throw up all kinds of red flags.

Amber alert, hello?

I need to go back and tie up loose ends,

at least just say my grandma

got sick or something.

I like it. Okay,

but it's got to be done now.

You understand? Megan from Regina...

- It's pronounced...

- I know how it's pronounced.

Megan from Canada...

has got to disappear.

Forever.

You got it?

All right, cut her loose.

Hey, ninja turtle, come on.

Wash up, bed.

Parker, where did you get that?

- Oh, my God!

- Sorry, Megan! Go, go, go!

Hey, are you okay?

- Are you okay?

- Yeah, I'm good. I'm great.

- The key is to tuck and roll.

- I'm sorry, tuck and what?

- Were those secret agents?

- They were, Parker, yes.

But I'm fine. No, I'm okay.

I mean, look at this.

The sun is out. The clouds are shining.

You are Parker, and you are Liz.

- You're scared of me.

- Hell yes, I am.

Not... not just me, though.

I mean, you fear the world.

Every morning you dress yourself

in this cloak of sarcasm.

But stripped bare of this defense,

you'd be forced to forge true connections

within your peer group,

allowing people to see the true Liz.

Pull back the veil, Elizabeth.

I won't reject you.

You talk funny.

Another fine observation,

you sensitive boy with no father figure.

Oh, my God! Okay.

- She so gets you.

- Shut up and grab her ankles!

- You okay?

- Yeah, I must have sort of slept weird.

I feel like I've been tossed

from a moving car.

I know that feeling.

So, are you going to Gooch's party?

I don't know. I mean... It's just my dad's

not really big on parties, so...

- Overprotective?

- Hypervigilant, domineering,

intrusive. Any of those work.

I know what you mean. My foster parents

could be pretty controlling sometimes.

Oh, yeah?

What, did they ground you a lot?

- More like solitary confinement.

- Canada really does suck.

I was never really given a chance

to figure out what I want.

I practically had to fake my own death

just to get out of there.

Well, I mean, at least you stood up

for yourself. That's cool.

Just sometimes I wish I had a way out.

A way out... of here? Why would you ever

want to leave these place?

I guess it's just time for something new.

I guess that's what college is for.

But I don't know. I mean, have you

thought about what's next for you?

No.

- No?

- No, actually.

I've been so focused on this year,

I haven't really thought about it.

You should. You know, you got

a whole life ahead of you.

It doesn't matter.

You know, whatever you do...

I'm sure it'll be impressive.

- You really think so?

- Yeah. I mean,

I've never seen you do something

that wasn't impressive, so...

Hey, guys.

- I'm was gonna have a party.

- Sweet.

Bring your friends, but no dudes.

That was a really nice thing

to say. Thank you.

Listen, so... Gooch's party.

- We can talk about it later.

- No, no, I want to talk about it now.

No, you should go.

Seriously, it's cool.

You should really come to the party.

It could be your way out.

Yeah. We'll see.

Mom, you're not, like,

letting her to go that, are you?

Sure. Honey, what's the big deal?

Well, for starters, she was passed out

in the front yard last night.

- Well, maybe she had too much to drink.

- And that's just suddenly okay with you?

I know having another girl in the house

might be causing some jealousy issues,

but this needs to stop.

Okay, then I don't think that this party

will be a safe environment for her.

- Why is that?

- Because Gooch is gonna be there,

and Gooch is a pig.

In business class, he had this proposal

to have a pirate-themed restaurant

where after dinner you have the option

to plunder your waitress.

If you think it's gonna be that dangerous,

then I think you need to go with her.

- What?

- You two can walk the plank together.

- That... is that a joke?

- You're going.

Oh, my God!

Yeah, and try to have some fun.

That's sick. "Oh, don't tase me, bro."

Parker. Oh, my God.

Parker. Where do you get these things?

Honey. Parker.

You look cute.

Thanks. You too.

- Isn't this awesome?

- Yeah. Like a bally's total fitness.

Yeah! Freedom!

Give me your drink, bro.

Well, I'm gonna need

to black that out, so...

Keg?

I'm okay!

Yeah, I'm okay!

No, but, true story...

we met when I was in Australia.

He was practically

royalty there, you know.

Wait, so you're friends with him?

Because I love his movies.

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